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I'm in search of some well seasoned advice by people with experience.
My husband is mid 70s, not on any medications, no diagnosed health issues but I think he needs to see his doctor. He's usually very outgoing and funny. He loves to walk the dog. For the past few days all he's done is complain about pain. The pain makes him grouchy and because of the pain he can't walk the dog. He has always said that his long walks with the dog, that he enjoys so much, are what keep him healthy.
He's saying this is an old rugby injury that happened when someone kicked him in the knee. Usually it's the other knee (that was badly damaged in a bicycle accident when he was a kid.) That knee was somehow stitched back together in some kind of experimental surgery that was all they had back then.
But now it's the other knee! And he won't see the doctor. He was in a lot of pain yesterday and by bedtime he asked me for some painkiller. I don't have much but gave him some Tylenol. This morning the dog jumped on the bed and it hit dh on the knee, leaving him writhing in pain. Somehow he made it to the bath tub for his morning soak. Then he hollered to me to help him. Seems that he couldn't bend his knee to get out. By hanging onto me, he got his hand close enough to the grab bar that he could lift himself out and then, leaning on me, we put him back to bed.
His knee is swollen but when I brought ice for it, he let it fall on the floor. We tried again; it fell on the floor. I got the heating pad; when I went back in, it was turned off and unplugged.
Would not eat all day, saying he doesn't feel like eating. This is a man who eats like a horse (thin as a rail though.) Drank 1/2 cup of orange juice and tonight he ate a little bit of dinner. Later he had a glass of milk.
He said the pain went down his leg. Now he's saying the pain is in his foot!
I don't know how to tell what's real and what's fake. He's very stubborn and he does dramatize at times to get attention. I know there's something wrong but he is also giving me a hard time with being uncooperative and with getting mad at me if I suggest the doctor.
Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? I'm kind of scared. I want him to see the doctor but I don't know what to say to make him go.
My only suggestion is to tell him you love him, are concerned about him, and ask him if he'll go to the doctor, if not for him but for you.
If you're successful dealing with a stubborn older man, write a book about your secret on how you did it; you'll probably sell a million copies and will be rich for the rest of your life. Hopefully your husband will be fine, so you'll live happily ever after.
My only suggestion is to tell him you love him, are concerned about him, and ask him if he'll go to the doctor, if not for him but for you.
If you're successful dealing with a stubborn older man, write a book about your secret on how you did it; you'll probably sell a million copies and will be rich for the rest of your life. Hopefully your husband will be fine, so you'll live happily ever after.
The end.
Thanks. I'll have to rehearse. This is getting me so nervous that I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret--like if I let on how mad and upset I am. I have to go check on him now...
An ambulance crew cannot force anyone to go with them. An intervention with family members is an idea, or just let him suffer until he can't take it any more.
The ambulance trick occurred to me. I pictured these big strong men carrying him out but from the next post, I can see that wouldn't work.
The only family he has is in England--that's where he's from. He wouldn't do anything his son or dil tell him to do. Although--we are planning to visit them in March and I started saying that if he can't walk, how is he going to visit them and see his baby grandson. That approach hit a brick wall too.
I have no family except a sister who lives far away. I was worried something like this would happen. We're on a waiting list for an independent living apartment in another state and I have really nice cousins in that same town. That's no help to me right now though.
I hate going to the doctor also. I have to be barely able to walk to go. Maybe just wait until he hits that point. Stay calm.
Give him some Aleve and alternate with Tylenol. Tape that ice bag down or use a compression bandage.
Sorry that you have to go through this.
And if you don't already have these things on hand, make sure you do for next time. At our ages, we have to have first aid items on hand.
He took the Aleve. I had the ice bag held on with a velcro wrap around bandage thingy but he purposely took it off. Just now he wanted the heating pad back but he wants it under his feet because his feet are cold. Makes me think it also might be some kind of circulatory problem. The dog is lying by his head--that always helps, lol. I'll check on him later but by tomorrow I want to have a plan on how to get him to the doctor. He won't ever go if he gets better--this has come and gone the last few days and when it starts to get better he just pretends it never happened. Today's relapse was due to the dog hopping onto his leg in bed.
If he won't go to the emergency room, then wheedle him into going to urgent care. That's not as scary as the ER. Of course you can't go there in the middle of the night.
But I'd insist, and I wouldn't let up. He is being foolish, and for some reason or other, he feels very fearful of going to the doctor, or perhaps to the ER. Urgent care is for minor things, and if presented that way, perhaps he will be more willing to go.
Tylenol does nothing for pain for a significant portion of people. A better, stronger pain pill would be Ibuprofen or Naproxen.
If he cannot sleep because of the pain, insist the next morning that he go somewhere. But Urgent Care might be a start.
Sometimes men drive me crazy. Well.... most of the time.
Is it worth asking your son to call tomorrow to "say hi", and then urge him to see the doctor? Can you invite one of his buddies over tomorrow.... ask them to "drop by" and see if they can encourage him to be seen? Do these without telling your husband...
If his knee is swollen, and that painful suddenly, it is possible there is an infection there. I would be concerned if it was red/warm to the touch. Pain alone should not make you loose your appetite all day.
Explain to him that this could be an infection, and if so, he will need antibiotics and if he doesn't get them.... the infection will go into his blood and he could get critically ill. It also could be gout.... or it could be arthritis slowly worsening over the years that he just never complained about until the pain got so bad....
I would look online to the closest urgent care near you. Going early Sunday morning is a great time to beat the crowds, if you find one. Worst case scenario, you can see one of the nurses at the tiny walk in clinics at Walgreens etc.. They can at least let you know if it seems infected, give recommendations how to deal with the pain (ice is great... a bag of frozen peas etc..) and he would probably get more relief with anti-inflammatory medicines (eg. ibuprofen, aleve) than Tylenol.
And on Monday, you take him to see your primary care doctor, if possible.
It makes me sad when I hear of these older men who refuse to go to the doctor. A lot of them wind up having silent high blood pressure and silent high cholesterol. So of course, you "feel fine" because you can't feel when your blood pressure is high. Genetics and being a guy means most men will have this by the time they reach your husband's age. And by refusing to go to the doctor and getting it checked/treated early, they leave themselves open to having a heart attack or stroke instead.
Good luck.
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Thanks. I'll have to rehearse. This is getting me so nervous that I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret--like if I let on how mad and upset I am. I have to go check on him now...
