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Old 01-19-2017, 04:12 PM
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,664,674 times
Reputation: 35449


Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
You are estranged from BOTH kids?

Prepare for someone to tell you you didn't make wise choices. It's a classic response on this forum.
Originally Posted by jasperhobbs View Post
Isn't that the truth!
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
Yup. You shoulda, coulda, oughta.
LOL! You guys make me laugh. It's funny because it's true.
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Old 01-19-2017, 04:13 PM
Location: SW Florida
10,290 posts, read 4,868,671 times
Reputation: 21693
OP - you can get a term life insurance policy for people 55-80 with a small monthly payment. I pay $30 a month for a $4K policy; just enough to pay for my cremation with a little bit left over for my kids and no medical questions asked.

I have a secondary term life policy I took out a few months ago for $10K that costs $64 a month; however if you die in the first 3 years you only get what you have paid into it at that point. I'm planning on canceling the smaller policy once the 3 years has past.

Do you not have any relatives at all? Friends? Do you have a church home? Is there any possibility of reconciling with your kids? I know you must be rather despondent thinking about all this. Have you considered a financial counselor or some counseling? Some operate on a sliding scale.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
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Old 01-19-2017, 06:12 PM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,569 posts, read 39,952,759 times
Reputation: 23704
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, ...
There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, Funerals.coop... $800 complete done deal
We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. ... You have the wrong realtor (which I never use, Cuz I can't afford the hassle, time wasted dealing with 2-4 'professionals'/ transaction, HIGH cost, hint: realtor is making FAR more than you on the deal, so WHY is it not selling), and / or the wrong price for your specific home (nice or not, priced correctly it will be gone FAST)

Luckily we are reasonably healthy, ...You r lucky, as you probably have no HC (like many of us)
Neither one of us has any life insurance,...'retirement age' should not require LIFE insurance. If you have a mortgage, get mortgage insurance (cheaper than life).
We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage,... You r in the wrong housing situation for your income. exit As possible, If not possible get a 'deferral' on property taxes (if you are low income you should be eligible. Your 'estate' / home equity will settle up with the tax office when you are toast / 6ft under.

How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), ...as did many of the rest of us retirees (but not too many on this forum, high population of ex-gov workers, they have a lot more time to post... )

my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.
Next residence / living situation should include second occupancy / RV hook-ups for future caregiver / renter (X-tra income while you are healthy) BTW: your dogs will be fine They are more resilient and resourceful than humans

I'm just so depressed.
go take a LONG walk and talk to your dog... he will understand and help you out. Walking is #1 therapy for true clinical depression!

Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
///. We have a real estate agent and we lowered the price 3 times.
THAT is a problem... Fire the agent, get the price right... close the deal yourself and get on with your needed change! --- Report back in a week with a affirmative you have done this and tell us your new moving date!

Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
LOL! You guys make me laugh. It's funny because it's true.
So true! (, not cuz this is so 's-a-d' )
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Old 01-19-2017, 08:33 PM
Location: Las Vegas
13,888 posts, read 25,323,560 times
Reputation: 26385
Over 65?

The 2 of you need to go to the financial emergency room and be ready to hear some hard truths. Your worst problems are going to happen way before you need someone to to 'do' for you. Find a financial planner and go. You need some expert advice. And you need to follow that advice.

Here's some stuff you need to figure out to bring with you.

1) Your total monthly income once you retire.
2) The house listing. How much belongs to the bank.
3) A list of all your debts and assets.
4) Know where you want to live and housing costs.

If your income alone will be over $1700 and your H's will be similar, you will probably not be eligible for low income benefits. But you need to find out for sure. If necessary, ask a social worker. In the meanwhile, get rid of anything you can. Sell it if possible. Work on getting a job where you can commute with your H. Save every penny!

I know you will be told to get rid of the house and the commute. It might be good to find out the price for the cheapest studio apartment, preferably across the street from his job. Make sure you get a close by job too.

Good luck. This is not going to be easy.
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Old 01-19-2017, 08:48 PM
6,253 posts, read 4,731,924 times
Reputation: 12844

In case you read it quickly, I suggest you take a good hard look at the recommendations.
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Old 01-19-2017, 09:24 PM
6,313 posts, read 3,576,034 times
Reputation: 22086
We have an adult son and adult daughter living close by. I've heard, "Don't worry, we'll take care of you" plenty of times but they are so "busy" now that I sometimes think we could live half the continent apart.

I'm always hinting we could use some help with the more heavy duty jobs but it doesn't materialize. I'd say they don't want to recognize we are less able than we were.

But they're both good, responsible people and perhaps, when the time comes and things get dire, they'll step up to the plate. Or not. Who knows? Life is full of surprises.

Actually I worry more about what will happen to them in their old age. They're both single and don't have children.

Me - I've learned over the years to not worry about anything. It just wastes my time and upsets my stomach and sleep. I've made it this far by kindness, love, happenstance, good luck and Grace. Sometimes even by my own schemes and dreams. I have a lot of trust that all will work out the way it's supposed to.

Have it on my refrigerator - "Hello, this is God. I will be handling all of your problems today and I don't need your help so have a nice day."

I know, as my dad said on his hospice bed, "Everything was going so good and then it all just went to Hell." Gee, I felt so badly to hear him say that. What did he think it would do? That's how we go.

So I hardly expect less. All I have to do is make the best informed choices I can and be willing to take the path that is offered me. And I'll be d---ed if I make my exit any other way.

The natural flow of things. Things work out best for me when I try to align myself with it.
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Old 01-19-2017, 09:34 PM
6,620 posts, read 3,748,154 times
Reputation: 13693
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, but I think about this all the time.

We are in our 60's. We are estranged from my 2 adult children, Hubbie has no children, and there are no neices or nephews. Neither of us will have ANY family to rely upon. There are very few friends that we see only occassionally- most are friendly co-workers, plus they are our age or older and will be in the same boat as us some day.

There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, or for long term care insurance, or an estate lawyer, etc. We pay bills and that's our life. We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. Houses are just not moving, unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.

Luckily we are reasonably healthy, with no chronic illnesses other than Hubbie's high blood pressure (he takes meds), but who knows how long that will last. Neither one of us has any life insurance, so if Hubbie dies in a car accident, etc, I have virtually no income and will have no where to go. (We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage, and so my $1700/ month won't get too far)

If I die first, at least for now, he still works. Hubbie says he will die at his desk because we can't afford to have him retire.

How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), 7 days a week until 16 years ago. We did not, and still do not, live a fancy life- still no cell phones, no TV, 10 or 15 yr old cars, no vacations ever, no jewerly (even engagment and wedding rings), no fancy clothes (I shop only when needed in thrift stores/ yard sales, etc), etc. We always worked to LIVE. Never had the opportunity to save. Our whole lives was to live month to month.

I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.

I'm just so depressed.
You two don't get Social Security? Are you both still working?

Is your house close to being paid off?

Cremation is the way to go. That's what I plan on doing.

How about a Reverse Mortgage? (If you don't sell your house, or maybe for your new house.) I have checked into that. It's not something one would WANT to do, but it certainly is a solution for some. What do you care that your undeserving relatives won't be getting your house? It's based on the equity in your home, not its current value.

I have also learned about something else. Getting a life insurance policy, and selling it to a business. There are businesses that buy life ins. policies. They pay you for it (a % of the amount the ins policy will pay), and they collect the benefit when you die. I don't know much about it, but it's a legit business, from what I have read so far. You would have to do your own research about it. You can't have another policy, so it fits your situation.

Since, like many seniors, your major asset is your home, I would check into that reverse mortgage, if I were you. It's a way of getting the equity out of your house while you are still alive, and you get to stay in your house until you die (I assume until both of you die).

But it would be better if you sold your house and moved closer to work, and close to medical providers and stores. Maybe even close enough to walk to the stores. (Perk: your auto ins might go down with the decreased mileage.)

You need to make friends with neighbors, so you will have relationships with them. They will be more likely to notice if they don't see you for a while and check on you. Or for you to call on, in an emergency.

As for how things got this way...the two of you didn't make much in income. Working class? Millions of Americans face this.

I would try to sell the house and move to a cheaper place, as someone suggested. Closer to work, closer to grocery stores and medical services.

Get out a pen and paper and work out a dirt cheap budget. Be harsh. Make it your goal to be ridiculously frugal. There is a frugal forum in City-Data. You can cut your grocery bill, I bet. Give up beef (it's too expensive & causes cancer), pork. Try to buy everything on sale or with coupons. Everything. Even at WalMart. I saw t-shirts on sale at WalMart for $5 recently.

If your house is in the country, it can take a long time to sell. Get online and see (at the zillow site; check on the "recent sales") sales in your area, or similar areas, and see how long they took to sell, no matter what their price was. Then check out the appropriate pricing yourself. A lot of info is available online these days. The real estate forum is helpful regarding this.

Settled in a new small inexpensive house, your financial situation will improve every year. Your utilities will be lower, you'll save thousands on property taxes and homeowner's insurance. Your auto insurance may go down, with less mileage. Get your grocery bill down at least a bit. Check out cost of cremation. Check out reverse mortgages. Check out buying and then selling a life ins. policy. These may be necessary for a future big expense, like a new roof or car.

Your taxes will get less when you hit 65 (I forget your exact age). Your auto ins. will give you a "senior" break, maybe. Medicare.

Health: A walk every day is extremely helpful for the health. It lowers bp and cholesterol. It relieves stress. It helps with arthritis. EAT RIGHT (research how to eat for a healthy long life...it's usually light on meat, heavy on veggies). Your hubby should be taking a baby aspirin every day, I think.

Good luck. Post back what happens. There are many in the same boat. You are not alone. Finally, be grateful for what you do have. You have a spouse who loves you, a roof over your head, income, vehicles, good health. I've read that people with true faith take this stage of their life, and problems in general, better than others. I'm not particularly religious, but if you are, going to church regularly is a way to build a circle of caring friends, and bolstering one's faith that things will work out.

Last edited by bpollen; 01-19-2017 at 10:16 PM..
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Old 01-19-2017, 09:43 PM
6,620 posts, read 3,748,154 times
Reputation: 13693
Originally Posted by dothetwist View Post
The real estate market is/has been pretty good the past year or more. It sounds like your house is not realistically priced. It's costing you an awful lot to carry this place (mtg. plus 8K taxes per year, not to mention insurance, etc.). Time to figure out WHY it's not selling...usually it's price.
It's hard to sell a house out in the country, no matter what the price is, if that's where their house is.
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:05 PM
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,508,503 times
Reputation: 9889
Have you considered renting the house and getting some income that way then move near where hubs works and live in an apartment?
Also, get an affordable life insurance policy and do some cremation/burial planning with a local funeral home. People often just make the funeral home the owner or beneficiery of the policy and it covers the arrangements. Funeral homes do pre-arrangement planning for these things all the time. See what they advise too.
Also, I know of people using a trusted family attorney to manage all the decedent's personal and financial affairs post-mortem. Not just wills.Why not go ahead and draw that SS now too and get that income in the mix?
I am in agreement if you sell use an attorney or do it yourself and draw up a contract and skip the realtor. Why should they get your money?
Lots of other good advice here and I am the least of it, but my SO and I are looking into this kind of stuff too.
Best case we will go out together because there is no one to ''clean up after us'' either.
We'd lie here until the landlord came calling for the rent or the stench or dogs crying led someone to bust the door open.
Oh, the joys of it all, too many to ponder! I try to not obcess on it all, but do need to do some planning too. Will check into that Neptune thingie too...
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Old 01-19-2017, 10:17 PM
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,254 posts, read 4,139,840 times
Reputation: 15666
Do not get a reverse mortgage. That will only compound your financial problems. Not right away, but down the road it will come back to haunt you. What I have hard time figuring out is how did two college educated professionals with few health issues wind up in this position.
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