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Old 01-22-2017, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,589,896 times
Reputation: 27682

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There are multiple issues at play here.

The estrangement from children is functionally the same thing childless couples have to plan for.

The other concern is how to make their monthly bills. Since they haven't presented a full budget, about the biggest concern would be the NY taxes, but the inability to sell the property makes leaving impractical.
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Old 01-22-2017, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,676,966 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
My wife donated her body to the local University School of Medicine. They collect the body when called which for us was a few hours after her death time enough for the family to gather and say good bye. They have a yearly memorial service for those that donated that year. They also have a Memorial Garden where one can sit and think. They will return the remains/ashes after a year if requested otherwise they dispose of the body.
Some have a family memorial service.

I am registered to do the same thing.
I really, really like this!
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Old 01-22-2017, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 3,037,054 times
Reputation: 8025
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post

I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.
I'm just so depressed.
That is so depressing. I truly feel for you. Do you have a credit card? Could you prepay for cremation and burial ? As others have mentioned can you sell and move to a less expensive area? Are there Senior Centers in your area. Some offer phone trees which would give your daily contact with others( and alert others if there was no contact)
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Old 01-22-2017, 03:50 PM
 
997 posts, read 579,806 times
Reputation: 2290
You aren't both going to die in the same minute.

I live alone and that could happen to me any day, but I am not going to worry about it because it won't be my problem.

Being old and alone and sick, might be my problem. I have kids but I happen to know that they don't want to care for me in my dotage. They would rather not.

I am just going to wait and see what happens. I expect that things will work out.

If I were you, I would worry about today. That is all you have. If you spend your todays worrying about something that hasn't happened yet then you will miss out on your todays.

It makes sense to try to sell your house if you can, or dump it if you need to and do something different. You could just walk away. I am not even kidding. Disaster is not as bad as you think it will be.
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Old 01-23-2017, 01:39 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
In your other thread, you state that you will both get about 60k in pensions and SS after he retires.



It'll be about $60K total. I alone only get $500/ month pension and $1200/ month SS. The rest will be his. I wish it was $60K each- our problems would be over.
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Old 01-23-2017, 01:44 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I really, really like this!
I was considering it.
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Old 01-23-2017, 01:54 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
There are multiple issues at play here.

The estrangement from children is functionally the same thing childless couples have to plan for.

The other concern is how to make their monthly bills. Since they haven't presented a full budget, about the biggest concern would be the NY taxes, but the inability to sell the property makes leaving impractical.
We are paying our bills, and except for a mortgage, we have no bills. My credit score is like 820 because we do not carry credit card bills etc.


The problem is we have no money for extras. Hubbie thinks twice about buying underwear or socks. I think life should be more than paying bills, especially since we've worked multiple jobs for half of our working life.


And yes as someone pointed out, I am on other posts about retiring in Europe (not feasible), Fl, Nevada, Arizona, Washington, and all other places. Not ready yet but I like to plan ahead and change as life circumstances change. But they'll be more from me out there. I want to get info, research as much as possible and think about things. As someone pointed out, we have not always made wise choices. I'm trying to fix that.
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Old 01-23-2017, 02:06 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I don't think she realizes she is far better off than a lot of people. It appears that the main problem is that she is afraid of losing her present lifestyle and may have to make a few compromises in order to adjust if she can no longer live as she is living now. It really doesn't sound as if her husband would need to die at his desk if she goes first.

The problems she lists are typical of many if not most people. There have been some great suggestions here but she has to follow them step by step instead of diving in all at once. Most problems don't get solved over night.

Regarding the estrangement from the kids, after reading her posts it seems to me she may have expected them to step in and take complete control of her life should it suddenly change and she can no longer depend upon her husband or he no longer on her.

People shouldn't have kids with the idea that the kids taking care of them in their later years. It really isn't fair to the kids. Children are not insurance policies. If the kids are in a place to help, great, but they shouldn't be expected to.
I don't expect my kids to do anything. I am just worried that someday we made need to go into a nursing home and it is a nice idea of having someone check the place out with us (some places are nightmares).


Or having someone check on us once in a while in case I fall (my sister in law fell a few yrs ago and laid at the bottom of her cellar stairs for over 24 hrs with a broken hip. Only because no one could get a hold of her by phone did her daughter go check on her- and she was only in her late 60's then).


The money problem is we don't have extra money.


I've even looked into the Tiny House Movement. My house now is 2600SF and we have 103 acres. It's too much for us. At this point I'd like a small house, maybe even a condo. Although I think they would frown upon us bringing my 2 pet goats and 1 pet sheep. We may have someone who would take them if we HAD to rehome them but I'd like to take them with us. Good lawnmowers.


I'm not afraid of losing my current lifestyle- I want to IMPROVE my lifestyle.
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Old 01-23-2017, 02:09 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383
Hubbie told me that he will be getting an extra paycheck in a few months. Told him we are going to use it for a lawyer to help set things up and make a will, advance directives, etc. At least I'll have that off my mind. I'll also be able to get more legal input. Just another bill to pay, but I think we need to start somewhere for some peace of mind.
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Old 01-23-2017, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
1,608 posts, read 742,605 times
Reputation: 1372
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, but I think about this all the time.


We are in our 60's. We are estranged from my 2 adult children, Hubbie has no children, and there are no neices or nephews. Neither of us will have ANY family to rely upon. There are very few friends that we see only occassionally- most are friendly co-workers, plus they are our age or older and will be in the same boat as us some day.


There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, or for long term care insurance, or an estate lawyer, etc. We pay bills and that's our life. We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. Houses are just not moving, unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.


Luckily we are reasonably healthy, with no chronic illnesses other than Hubbie's high blood pressure (he takes meds), but who knows how long that will last. Neither one of us has any life insurance, so if Hubbie dies in a car accident, etc, I have virtually no income and will have no where to go. (We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage, and so my $1700/ month won't get too far)


If I die first, at least for now, he still works. Hubbie says he will die at his desk because we can't afford to have him retire.


How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), 7 days a week until 16 years ago. We did not, and still do not, live a fancy life- still no cell phones, no TV, 10 or 15 yr old cars, no vacations ever, no jewerly (even engagment and wedding rings), no fancy clothes (I shop only when needed in thrift stores/ yard sales, etc), etc. We always worked to LIVE. Never had the opportunity to save. Our whole lives was to live month to month.


I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.


I'm just so depressed.

Lots of people in your shoes, some worse and all alone. I am in similar boat, but worse. We just trudge on and when we are done, problems are over for you. Have no answers other than good luck with finding some peace with it.
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