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Old 01-19-2017, 12:03 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383

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I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, but I think about this all the time.


We are in our 60's. We are estranged from my 2 adult children, Hubbie has no children, and there are no neices or nephews. Neither of us will have ANY family to rely upon. There are very few friends that we see only occassionally- most are friendly co-workers, plus they are our age or older and will be in the same boat as us some day.


There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, or for long term care insurance, or an estate lawyer, etc. We pay bills and that's our life. We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. Houses are just not moving, unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.


Luckily we are reasonably healthy, with no chronic illnesses other than Hubbie's high blood pressure (he takes meds), but who knows how long that will last. Neither one of us has any life insurance, so if Hubbie dies in a car accident, etc, I have virtually no income and will have no where to go. (We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage, and so my $1700/ month won't get too far)


If I die first, at least for now, he still works. Hubbie says he will die at his desk because we can't afford to have him retire.


How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), 7 days a week until 16 years ago. We did not, and still do not, live a fancy life- still no cell phones, no TV, 10 or 15 yr old cars, no vacations ever, no jewerly (even engagment and wedding rings), no fancy clothes (I shop only when needed in thrift stores/ yard sales, etc), etc. We always worked to LIVE. Never had the opportunity to save. Our whole lives was to live month to month.


I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.


I'm just so depressed.
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Old 01-19-2017, 12:08 PM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
Reputation: 12848
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, but I think about this all the time.


We are in our 60's. We are estranged from my 2 adult children, Hubbie has no children, and there are no neices or nephews. Neither of us will have ANY family to rely upon. There are very few friends that we see only occassionally- most are friendly co-workers, plus they are our age or older and will be in the same boat as us some day.


There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, or for long term care insurance, or an estate lawyer, etc. We pay bills and that's our life. We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. Houses are just not moving, unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.


Luckily we are reasonably healthy, with no chronic illnesses other than Hubbie's high blood pressure (he takes meds), but who knows how long that will last. Neither one of us has any life insurance, so if Hubbie dies in a car accident, etc, I have virtually no income and will have no where to go. (We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage, and so my $1700/ month won't get too far)


If I die first, at least for now, he still works. Hubbie says he will die at his desk because we can't afford to have him retire.


How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), 7 days a week until 16 years ago. We did not, and still do not, live a fancy life- still no cell phones, no TV, 10 or 15 yr old cars, no vacations ever, no jewerly (even engagment and wedding rings), no fancy clothes (I shop only when needed in thrift stores/ yard sales, etc), etc. We always worked to LIVE. Never had the opportunity to save. Our whole lives was to live month to month.


I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.


I'm just so depressed.
Have you gone to a funeral home to check on pre-paid cremation plan?
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Old 01-19-2017, 12:51 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,151,461 times
Reputation: 10910
No kids and other relatives live in different metros / states / countries.

Our plan is relo to a lower COL area, bank the difference.

Neptune Society or equivalent for the final journey.

LTC insurance, Medicare, Medicare supplement plus ongoing clean living in hope of best possible outcome.

All else fails there is the long one way wilderness ski trip in mid winter or one of my .44 mag cartridges.
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Old 01-19-2017, 12:57 PM
 
4,484 posts, read 4,746,514 times
Reputation: 9942
You are estranged from BOTH kids?


Prepare for someone to tell you you didn't make wise choices. It's a classic response on this forum.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:04 PM
 
8,142 posts, read 8,634,968 times
Reputation: 9135
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
I'm not even sure if this is where I should post this question, but I think about this all the time.


We are in our 60's. We are estranged from my 2 adult children, Hubbie has no children, and there are no neices or nephews. Neither of us will have ANY family to rely upon. There are very few friends that we see only occassionally- most are friendly co-workers, plus they are our age or older and will be in the same boat as us some day.


There is no money to pre-arrange a funeral, or for long term care insurance, or an estate lawyer, etc. We pay bills and that's our life. We want to sell and find someplace smaller and cheaper but can't sell. Houses are just not moving, unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.


Luckily we are reasonably healthy, with no chronic illnesses other than Hubbie's high blood pressure (he takes meds), but who knows how long that will last. Neither one of us has any life insurance, so if Hubbie dies in a car accident, etc, I have virtually no income and will have no where to go. (We pay $8K in property taxes alone, plus $1100/ month mortgage, and so my $1700/ month won't get too far)


If I die first, at least for now, he still works. Hubbie says he will die at his desk because we can't afford to have him retire.


How did this happen? We worked all our lives- even 2 or 3 jobs (each of us), 7 days a week until 16 years ago. We did not, and still do not, live a fancy life- still no cell phones, no TV, 10 or 15 yr old cars, no vacations ever, no jewerly (even engagment and wedding rings), no fancy clothes (I shop only when needed in thrift stores/ yard sales, etc), etc. We always worked to LIVE. Never had the opportunity to save. Our whole lives was to live month to month.


I guess we will be one of these couples that ppl find decomposing months after we are dead. I just hope we both die fast, and not fall, etc and lie on the floor for days until we die. Or my worst fear is that we will die, and no one will discover us and our dogs will slowly starve to death.


I'm just so depressed.
I don't have any answers for you right now, but you have my sympathy and empathy. There are some posters on this forum who have neither for people in your circumstances as you can see in the why is no one talking about the crisis of poor retirees thread. They don't believe that people do end their days in such circumstances, or they deserve it because of poor decision-making, or if they get sick it's their own fault, and that there are only small number of such people so they don't matter.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:09 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
Reputation: 1690
Quote:
Originally Posted by countrykaren View Post
.....unless we sell way less than what we paid. We know of some agents that are looking for other jobs.
You have the answer right there.

A lower COL area will mean taxes could be under $1k and I'm guessing no mortgage if you buy a small home with the proceeds of your sale. Then you both keep working and your financial situation will improve greatly. Even if you work at wally world for $9-10 an hour each, that's ~$37k (less taxes) combined (assuming full time work). And no mortgage. Yearly taxes earned in about a week and a half.

Sometimes you have to pay the piper to make your life better.

As for caretaking, I don't have an answer on that one.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:12 PM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
Reputation: 12848
By selling way less than what you paid, would you be upside down as they say in the car finance world?

If not, who cares if you don't make a huge profit. Sell it and go. Move to a lower cost of living area.
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Old 01-19-2017, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,676,966 times
Reputation: 35449
OP, I am sorry about your estrangement with your kids but then it's not always feasible to depend upon kids or other family members when it comes to these decisions.

I never had kids and the closest family to me is a sister in Toronto. I live in the Cleveland area. I will be contacting an organization like The Neptune Society that by prearrangement for a fee will take care of plans for burial and whatever legal issues arise.

I had a single no kids friend who used a conservator to settle her affairs. Her friends arranged her cremation and held a wonderful memorial service for her.

Regarding the possibility of your dying and no one being aware, do you have friends or neighbors who can check in on you once and awhile? You don't need to be sick to have someone do that, you do it for them as well. When I lived another complex there were three of us senior citizens. We had an arrangement in which if someone didn't open their blinds by 9:00 am, the others would call to make certain they were okay. Simple things like that can go a long way for peace of mind that you won't die without anyone missing you for days.
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Old 01-19-2017, 02:05 PM
 
844 posts, read 748,252 times
Reputation: 1383
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
You are estranged from BOTH kids?


Prepare for someone to tell you you didn't make wise choices. It's a classic response on this forum.
I have a slight relationship with my son. He's married and both are in the Army, currently in S. Korea. He was always a little with his head up in the clouds, no matter what I did or didn't do. Occasionally I do hear from him, although when I contact him he doesn't answer. But then a few months later I hear from him again.


My daughter and I were close, but since I'm also estranged from my sister (she had an affair with my ex- who wasn't at the time and she testified against me in court), my sister has a lot of influence on my daughter because she'll buy them stuff and take them on vacations (and pay for them) which I can never do. My ED says that I'm too negative when she wanted to buy a house when neither she or her husband did not have jobs, and I asked them how they where going to get the money. That's not all of it but part. She only comes to me- not in the last 2 yrs- when she needed money, a place to live, or some other help. My sister is only good for fun things.


We are also far apart by location of approx. 1000 miles.


So yes, I'm estranged from both kids. And yes, I didn't make wise choice. No one always makes wise choices all the time, and I'm college educated, and a professional, so is Hubbie. Things just never worked the way we planned. Sometimes I even wonder if having kids at all was a wish choice. Is the heart ache worth it? She has my only grandchildren which I can not see and haven't see in 2 yrs.


Don't get me wrong. I love my kids in spite of everything and still do for them if they needed me. Maybe I'm a fool for thinking that way.
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Old 01-19-2017, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
3,545 posts, read 2,237,412 times
Reputation: 10612
Man plans and God laughs. I don't think that I'm the only one here thinking "There but for the grace of God go I". I could have easily been in your shoes but for some very lucky breaks. Don't be too hard on yourself, life tends to "get in the way" sometimes and the years go by SO quickly (how did I get to be 64?). You might consult the local Senior Center for ideas on burial insurance or pre-planning. I'm sure you are not the only one with this issue. As for me, I have one son, but I would not want him to take care of me in my final days. I watched my father care for my step-mother for 6 months as she died of cancer in the home. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my only son. Have I mentioned my nice gun collection?
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