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Old 01-22-2017, 09:51 AM
997 posts, read 582,219 times
Reputation: 2295


That doesn't sound that bad to me. His grooming is fine, and that is the important thing. You could have much more to complain about.

When I was married my husband was a stay at home dad and there is an outfit for that. It is scruffy.

I have seen other men with that look.

My husband said that he was helping out with the laundry by not making any.

I did the laundry and I would hang the clothes up so that the things I liked were handy and the things I didn't like were in the back and I would buy clothes that he would like. I wouldn't throw his stuff away but I would make the nicer things more accessable. I didn't care that much because he was good looking and it is what is in the package that matters more then the wrapper.

I will say something if someone needs to sharpen up. I had a friend visit and he arrived looking like a caveman. The first thing I said was 'you look like a caveman' and I didn't even say hello. Then I drove directly from the airport to the Supercuts and got that taken care of. We went to the nicest thrift store in town and bought some dress shirts. I am not that picky but the caveman look had to go. He liked the new look.

My technique is to provide and suggest, but not force. I didn't force him to get a haircut or new clothes but I brought him to the haircut and new clothes, and he chose what he liked. He wasn't used to thinking about it. I didn't expect him to conform to my taste, but to his. I had to remind him to have some.

My son is bad at shaving. I hate that. I got him a new electric shaver and I tell him how handsome he is when he shaves. All I can do is provide and encourage in a very direct manner. I will ignore what I hate but I will try to encourage a change if that is possible.

I wouldn't throw away someone's clothes without their permission, but I would say to never ever wear something ever again because it is ugly and hideous. I have had to be that blunt, but I will get something that they like instead. It has to be their taste but a version that I find acceptable.

That is what I would say about the stocking cap. No. If it really important to the warmth of the head or if it was bald then I would try to get a better cap or hat or toupee.

Last edited by Veronicka; 01-22-2017 at 10:43 AM..

Old 01-22-2017, 10:28 AM
5,482 posts, read 2,865,525 times
Reputation: 10318
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
I do live on the east coast but in a rural area where flannel shirts and pickups are the norm. As I said I dress like the OP's husband all the time, but I know enough not to dress like this to the doctor's office. I don't consider changing out of his described outfit to something a bit more than an open flannel shirt and beater shoes to be "dressing up", not even close.

Having worn both I can say that a pullover and newer shoes are no less confortable than what this husband is wearing. This isn't about comfort, it's about being lazy. And no thrrowing out his worn clothes without his consent is not the answer, can't believe that was even suggested.
The doctor and staff probably see REAL homeless people and can tell who is one! Showering daily and wearing clean clothes with jangling keys do not constitute looking like a homeless person.

The choice has nothing to do with laziness per se. It has to do with priorities.
Old 01-22-2017, 10:44 AM
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 3,046,228 times
Reputation: 8025
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
My husband is a better dresser than me, he always been that way. Except he doesn't mind wearing t-shirt with corporate logos. So if it bothers me, I throw them out without him knowing it. Every year I get him nice new clothes to replace it. I suggest you throw out some of his old clothes, thereby it forces him to wear new ones.
I suppose you would expect someone to wear their dentures and shave when going out.
Old 01-22-2017, 10:51 AM
6,329 posts, read 4,771,440 times
Reputation: 12998
I only trim my beard about once a week. I suppose some people would see that as equivalent to going out without dentures. Some would consider a beard to be a sign of laziness. I suppose the same could be said for a woman who does not wear makeup or pluck her eyebrows. We marry people for who they are. It is sad when that does not work out and the complaints start.
Old 01-22-2017, 10:52 AM
71,983 posts, read 72,020,102 times
Reputation: 49559
what are dentures ????????
Old 01-22-2017, 12:22 PM
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 3,046,228 times
Reputation: 8025
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
what are dentures ????????
False teeth
Old 01-22-2017, 12:39 PM
6,908 posts, read 7,315,105 times
Reputation: 9821
We have 2 teenage girls (adopted) at home still and he often is out with them and I'm embarrassed for them.
Sounds like an opportunity to teach the girls:
-- that how you dress is NOT WHO you ARE
-- that your own personal self esteem shouldn't ned to be tied to how you dress
-- how to respond if there ever IS a situation where they feel they were misjudged, or PREjudged, in a given situation -- because of dress or anything else.
-- that unless a person is your boss or interviewing you for a job -- that perhaps you shouldn't give a darn about what they think about you. ARE there times when the social pressure of dressing a certain way for a certain situation is expected sure….but so what if the person isn't dress "correctly?" Are you going to kick them out of church? (That's not very Christian is it?) Can't get into a given restaurant, then go to another. What does it say about a person that they judge another by how they dress? Besides that -- occasions where you really MUST dress a certain way are sooo few and far between these days it ALMOST really doesn't even matter anymore. I know there are people who hate that that is happening in society. But it's not new.

I'm a woman and dress in a basic T-shirt and baggy jeans. IF I were to feel maltreated in a store because of dress or any other reason, I'd have no problem calmly asking for the manager, taking him or her to the side, and privately explaining my thoughts on the situation. In more than 40 years of adult living I've never had to do that.

Some people get their self esteem -- in part -- from how they dress, and it's so ingrained and subtle they don't even know it. They would swear up and down it's not so.

I'll be honest I only dress nicely when I want something and when it's in it for ME to get something out of the situation. Going to court? Sure. Meeting an attorney or doctor for the FIRST time? Sure. I want to establish the right professional relationship. After that back to dressing down. But just walking the street everyday? I am conformable in baggy jeans and T-shirt. In 99% of daily living why would I give a rat's behind about what someone thinks about how I look? I know what's in my bank and retirement accountS. And it's a lot more than many people dressing better than I do.

Embarrassed? My mom always told me: "No one ever died from a little embarrassment. You'll live."

Last edited by selhars; 01-22-2017 at 12:54 PM..
Old 01-22-2017, 01:04 PM
3,457 posts, read 2,345,211 times
Reputation: 7004
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Raising my hand too. Catalogs are my friend.
You, too?
Old 01-22-2017, 01:04 PM
1,838 posts, read 797,613 times
Reputation: 3385
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
He is 77 year old retired Electrical Engineer with 2 degrees and a successful career under his belt. Today he left for a doctor's appointment in old baggy-butted jeans, a black tee shirt and an old flannel shirt unbuttoned over it. Ratty old tennis shoes too and a stocking cap. But the worst part is he wears his key ring on his belt and it hangs down and makes noise with so many keys on it. He looks like a janitor or a building super.

He has nice khakis, button-down shirts, jackets and sweaters and better shoes in his closet but he only wears them when I am going out with him and ask him to "clean up" a little bit.

He showers daily, has regular haircuts and gets his beard nicely trimmed and he has acknowledged he gets better treatment in shops and restaurants when he is dressed better but he just doesn't seem to care enough to present himself better...unless I gently remind him.

Also he really didn't have to wear a suit or even a tie for quite some time while he was still working so it's not like he is rebelling.

I'm no fashion plate but at least I try to wear something better than knock-around-the-house clothes when I go out.

Now I hear some saying "Leave the man alone. He's not hurting anybody" but I think he is hurting himself even if he doesn't realize it. I realize he is not going to change but I am wondering if other women are having the same issue with their elderly husbands.

I would only worry if it is a recent change which might indicate depression, mental changes etc. If he has done this since retirement don't worry. If the kids are embarrassed they will let him know, count on it. As long as he dresses better when you go with him then just shrug, laugh, and shake your head.
Old 01-22-2017, 01:05 PM
6,329 posts, read 4,771,440 times
Reputation: 12998
selhars, outstanding post
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