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Old 01-20-2017, 06:00 AM
 
12,050 posts, read 11,142,366 times
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a loaded key ring. That alone should tip people off the man has things with locks on them.

 
Old 01-20-2017, 06:00 AM
 
6,952 posts, read 3,857,584 times
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Why do some women believe it is right for them to micromanage the lives of others? At least two writers here have suggested the OP should just throw away some clothing items of the husband that they don't like - how would that be if the husbands of the world just arbitrarily threw away some of their wives' favorite outfits?
 
Old 01-20-2017, 06:19 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,738,878 times
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I certainly do appreciate the remarks. As to why I think he is hurting himself, I think and he knows he gets better service and respect from the general public but specifically from servers and cashiers and clerks when he is neater looking. I certainly don't expect him to wear a tie (I don't think he even has any more!).Just look a bit "fresher" and not so downtrodden.

We have 2 teenage girls (adopted) at home still and he often is out with them and I'm embarrassed for them. Again I have to say nobody in this family is a slave to fashion. All of us dress for comfort and we are very relaxed.

As to the suggestions that I throw out his clothes--oh man!! That would not go over well. I would never even consider that and I would be furious if he decided to do the same to me. Such an invasion of privacy and it is manipulation to the max.

I never make a big deal out of it and never criticize him in front of the kids. In fact yesterday I so wanted to suggest he change his clothes when he was on the way to the doctor but held my tongue. I've decided if I'm not with him to let it go.

And yes, engineers are an interesting and challenging breed. Their minds work in very strange ways. It is always a hoot to get together with other wives of engineers to compare notes. Some of the stories are hysterical and most of us have learned how to go with the flow.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 06:24 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,427 posts, read 1,664,703 times
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He sounds like he is comfortable with himself. Since he dresses better when asked to, I'm not seeing a problem, other than the annoyance of having to ask him to dress nicer. OP, since it is bothering you, have you sat down and talked with him about it? If he hasn't realized it bothers you this much, a talk may help.

As for the keys on his belt, he's like a cat with a bell on; appreciate it as an advanced warning system for you.

Last edited by jean_ji; 01-20-2017 at 06:41 AM..
 
Old 01-20-2017, 06:42 AM
 
662 posts, read 476,887 times
Reputation: 1690
I certainly understand. It's embarrassing to be with someone who looks homeless, and that goes for both sides. In a relationship, keeping oneself looking nice and attractive should just be part of the deal. But it seems to be so much more acceptable for a man to look crummy then for a woman. And it does make a difference in how you're treated by others and in who you might be drawn to you (ie: new friends).

If you have a good relationship, try talking to him about getting rid of the cruddy stuff and buying comfy stuff that has it's color retained. As for the key ring....why? I mean really, what more does he need now but the car and house key when out?

I think you deserve to feel proud of who your with. If it bothers you, I think a conversation and change is in order. (If it doesn't bother other people, that's their business.)
 
Old 01-20-2017, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Hiding from Antifa?
6,394 posts, read 4,172,123 times
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Just one example: If he is that old, remember that when he was a child, he had to wear shoes that were hard leather with hard soles. Sneakers were not around like they are today. It was very uncomfortable to wear these shoes all the time. Contrast that to today, where some shoes are made to look like dress shoes, but are actually more like sneakers. It's all about comfort.

It wasn't just shoes that have changed over the years.

Your husband had to wear dress clothes all his working life, and now he realizes how uncomfortable it was, because he now has options, he didn't have most of his life. If you don't want to be seen with him, then stay home, but don't begrudge him his comfort. He worked a long time to get to this point.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 07:06 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,191 posts, read 6,308,074 times
Reputation: 9815
Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
Why do some women believe it is right for them to micromanage the lives of others? At least two writers here have suggested the OP should just throw away some clothing items of the husband that they don't like - how would that be if the husbands of the world just arbitrarily threw away some of their wives' favorite outfits?
Because I have to look at my husband. He needs to keep himself in tip top shape for my affection. Dressing nice doesn't mean you have to wear suits. My daughter's are the fashion police and they help him select what's hip. He is slim and fit so from the back, he looks like a very nice young man, not some old coot in his 60s.

Although my husband did put on a suit recently for a court hearing.
Lawyers suggested he put on a sport coat but he didn't have one and they said a suit was ok. It's an old suit because it has a hole from wearing thin, I eventually patched it up for him, Just in case he needs to wear it somewhere in the future.
Same with everything, he exercises so he can look good for me. I do all the cooking, at least he can look nice to be a kept man.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,505,046 times
Reputation: 9889
Work on your own mindset, not his. Remember the old ''mind over matter''? If ''you don't mind it doesn't matter''.
I lived on a farm way, way out for 7 years. People out there dressed ''way beyond casual'' as most of them 1. Could not afford better 2. Wanted to be comfortable and figured there was no reason not to 3. Began to dress a certain way for practical reasons...camo everything, for example...and carried that style to their entire wardrobe.
I changed my way of dressing in this ''world'' and never looked back. Forced to move back to the burbs, but my ''sense of self'' is still back there, so I dress the way I dressed then and now it is ''me'', part of my self-identity.
When I move back there, hopefully later this year, I will be back in my element. For some here in this area I am ''underdressed'' but I am beyond caring what others think. I am comfortable, happy, and don't plan to change.
Perhaps your husband feels some of the same. At least he is clean and well groomed when he goes out and flannel shirts are a classic and now back in style for hipsters. They sell new jeans to look old and faded, and have for years. Many bikers wear keys and wallets on chains, so maybe he leans towards that look.
Like I said before, let him be himself and leave him alone. How would you like someone micro-managing how you dress? I wouldn't. I'd find it patronizing and offensive. Like someone else said, he worked hard to enjoy his retirement, so let him! LOL
Regarding that last post of ''he exercises to look good for me'', are you serious? ''Old coot in his sixties''? Really? LOL I'd be out of a relationship like that pronto! No offense, but that is ridiculous. Daughters who are ''fashion police''? Those apples did not fall far from the tree, obviously. If you've even got a loving, loyal, partner in life then consider yourself blessed. Beyond that it all sounds like ''junior high school'' silliness to me.

Last edited by HappyDogToday; 01-20-2017 at 07:30 AM..
 
Old 01-20-2017, 07:23 AM
 
662 posts, read 476,887 times
Reputation: 1690
lol

Well, I don't agree that throwing out others stuff is the answer. Rational conversation about how one feels should work. But, newbie, you have a guy who seems to admit he doesn't know how to dress and is willing to defer to others. Sounds like the OP's spouse knows it too, but doesn't do anything about it.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 07:44 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,191 posts, read 6,308,074 times
Reputation: 9815
Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
lol

Well, I don't agree that throwing out others stuff is the answer. Rational conversation about how one feels should work. But, newbie, you have a guy who seems to admit he doesn't know how to dress and is willing to defer to others. Sounds like the OP's spouse knows it too, but doesn't do anything about it.
No, he dresses very well. He is European, European in general are better dressed than American counterpart. But his fashion sense is not as up to date as his daughters. They both have good taste.
I throw out t-shirt with logos that he got them free. I don't think he missed them.
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