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Old 01-20-2017, 10:01 AM
Location: california
5,658 posts, read 4,885,458 times
Reputation: 6682


I am 67 and have been wearing work clothes all my life with the exception of weddings and funerals .
I wear black T shirts, levis, and tennis shoes, and during the winter a hooded wind breaker.
As a mechanic it is customary to be the one to jump into action when something breaks, and it doesn't pay to wear good clothes when this happens.
My wife was not particularly careful about dress and we lived pretty good considering.
I think that it depends on the culture you live in.
Dad and mom were not fashion fancy, neither were my wives parents , just simple people satisfied with who they are.
One of three paths you can take ,
Either adopt his fashion statement, or contrast with it, or simply accept him as he is, and defend his right to feel comfortable in his clothes.
If people are judging you for your clothing they aren't your friends.
I understand that there are some Texas millionaires that dress in bib overalls and drive old pick up trucks. they have no one to impress.

Old 01-20-2017, 10:05 AM
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,795,280 times
Reputation: 47259
Originally Posted by Ms. Tarabotti View Post
Is he really dressing like a homeless person? Or do you just not like what he wears and don't think that it is 'fashionable'? You said that he acknowledges that he gets better treatment when he is better dressed so what is his reasoning for wearing what he does? Does he find it comfortable; does he not care so much about what kind of impression he makes while he does his daily routine?

What is his answer when you ask him why are you wearing that
I think he doesn't even think about it when he gets dressed. He simply grabs what is closest while his mind is on how far apart the stars are and electrical circuits and hard drives and things like that.

But I've noticed he grouses about rude or surly customer service reps, clerks, etc. Next time this happens I will suggest he try different clothes and see what happens. I know it will make a difference.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:13 AM
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,510,190 times
Reputation: 9889
I doubt very seriously that the rudeness of customer service workers has anything to do with how he, or any of us, dress. LOL
Old 01-20-2017, 10:13 AM
5,621 posts, read 8,556,651 times
Reputation: 7710
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I certainly do appreciate the remarks. As to why I think he is hurting himself, I think and he knows he gets better service and respect from the general public but specifically from servers and cashiers and clerks when he is neater looking. Itt


As to servers.... they know better. I have specific tastes, (certain things on my burgers, certain things not etc) I always say: "I'm sorry immpicky, but I tip well"

I almost always get great service.

Conversely: I'm a big pawn shop/thrifter and I noticed back when the difference in how good a deal I could get in my ratty old Jeep vs my BMW.

Perhaps he has different motivators rather than altering his life to impress random unimportant people.

Sorry, your REALLY reaching.
CASHIERS of all things. LMFAO!
Old 01-20-2017, 10:21 AM
5,621 posts, read 8,556,651 times
Reputation: 7710
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I said I knew he wasn't going to change and that I simply wondered if other wives had to deal with the same issue. And some do.
Sounds more like other HUSBAND'S have to deal with the same issues.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:26 AM
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,464 posts, read 5,933,005 times
Reputation: 16165
Originally Posted by ShanIAmVA View Post

It's no different than a husband upset that is wife "let herself go" because she just doesn't care. So what does that say to the other spouse? That she doesn't care about him either.

This is a great analogy, wish I had come up with it. We hear this from men all the time, why can't the OP have the same opinion? If it bothers her enough to start a thread about it then she has obviously called it to her husband's attention a number of times. That should be enough for her husband to listen. As I said when my wife calls my attention to similar behavior I immediately correct the problem for her as much as for myself.

That's kind of what being married is all about, listening to what is important to your spouse. And being a former engineer is not a legitimate excuse to blow off your wife's feelings and looking like a slob.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:31 AM
6,835 posts, read 3,872,820 times
Reputation: 15584
My uncle (retired CPA) started doing the same thing in his late 70's. It turned out to be an early sign of mild dementia but it took several years for us to recognize it. He gradually become disorganized in his living space, grooming, and finances. I don't know if this is common though.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:32 AM
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,464 posts, read 5,933,005 times
Reputation: 16165
This thread reminds me of the wife who poured her heart out here about her retired husband who did nothing but sit and watch TV day after day. He wore the same clothes for days on end without showering, smelled terribly due to a lack of personal hygiene and was pretty much a disgusting slob. I still think about that thread, what a horrible thing to do to a wife. She sounded like she had already decided to leave him, I hope it worked out for both.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:52 AM
Location: SW US
2,220 posts, read 2,037,561 times
Reputation: 3824
My father started wearing only sweats in his 80's. He wore them everywhere for ten years including to fancy restaurants. He was clean. He was good tipper. He was comfortable. They were easy to put on and take off. We still got good service. Sometimes I would see someone, often an older woman, tsk tsk-ing. I had to laugh about it, but then I am also an engineer, and pretty much a non-conformist. So maybe that's why I had to laugh about it.
Old 01-20-2017, 10:53 AM
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
Reputation: 26388
My H(deceased) was an engineer and just like your H. I remember those baggy butt jeans and all the crap he wore attached to his belt. Now the roles are reversed and my current SO dresses better than I do and probably wishes I would dress better!

And I think I should too. He is right. I have decent clothes but every time I go to the closet those comfy sweats and Uggs just call to me. But at least I am always clean and so are the clothes! And if I 'dress' I have to wear a damn bra too. Hate that. I am not a large breasted woman and in sweats you can't tell! Comfort rules!

Then I think about my eldercare experience with my parents. Seriously, they ran around filthy, wearing rags. Showers and clean clothes were a 2 day battle. I had to sneak around and throw away their ratty clothes. That's a slippery slope I don't want to go down. I need to work harder to find a balance between comfort and looking socially acceptable!
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