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Old 01-20-2017, 12:09 PM
 
Location: RVA
2,179 posts, read 1,279,399 times
Reputation: 4506

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
......
That's kind of what being married is all about, listening to what is important to your spouse. And being a former engineer is not a legitimate excuse to blow off your wife's feelings and looking like a slob.
Typically all of that is needed is the wife to point out to the husband, "Here, wear these instead", and we donit. Ecause it is important to them. But show me a husband that actually says to a wife "Here, wear these instead", ....and they do. It would be cold day in Hades, or the zombie apocalypse before a wife would take clothes suggestions from their husband. It's a double standard. Why is it less important for the wife to respect what the husband wants to wear than the other way around? You're both spouses and both entitled to have important feelings on a subject.

 
Old 01-20-2017, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Bel Air, California
21,457 posts, read 22,012,673 times
Reputation: 33799
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
He is 77 year old retired Electrical Engineer with 2 degrees and a successful career under his belt. Today he left for a doctor's appointment in old baggy-butted jeans, a black tee shirt and an old flannel shirt unbuttoned over it. Ratty old tennis shoes too and a stocking cap. But the worst part is he wears his key ring on his belt and it hangs down and makes noise with so many keys on it. He looks like a janitor or a building super.

He has nice khakis, button-down shirts, jackets and sweaters and better shoes in his closet but he only wears them when I am going out with him and ask him to "clean up" a little bit.

He showers daily, has regular haircuts and gets his beard nicely trimmed and he has acknowledged he gets better treatment in shops and restaurants when he is dressed better but he just doesn't seem to care enough to present himself better...unless I gently remind him.

Also he really didn't have to wear a suit or even a tie for quite some time while he was still working so it's not like he is rebelling.

I'm no fashion plate but at least I try to wear something better than knock-around-the-house clothes when I go out.

Now I hear some saying "Leave the man alone. He's not hurting anybody" but I think he is hurting himself even if he doesn't realize it. I realize he is not going to change but I am wondering if other women are having the same issue with their elderly husbands.

probably just in a hurry to get out of the house
 
Old 01-20-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,337 posts, read 45,080,802 times
Reputation: 12989
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
He is 77 year old retired Electrical Engineer with 2 degrees and a successful career under his belt. Today he left for a doctor's appointment in old baggy-butted jeans, a black tee shirt and an old flannel shirt unbuttoned over it. Ratty old tennis shoes too and a stocking cap. But the worst part is he wears his key ring on his belt and it hangs down and makes noise with so many keys on it. He looks like a janitor or a building super.

He has nice khakis, button-down shirts, jackets and sweaters and better shoes in his closet but he only wears them when I am going out with him and ask him to "clean up" a little bit.

He showers daily, has regular haircuts and gets his beard nicely trimmed and he has acknowledged he gets better treatment in shops and restaurants when he is dressed better but he just doesn't seem to care enough to present himself better...unless I gently remind him.

Also he really didn't have to wear a suit or even a tie for quite some time while he was still working so it's not like he is rebelling.

I'm no fashion plate but at least I try to wear something better than knock-around-the-house clothes when I go out.

Now I hear some saying "Leave the man alone. He's not hurting anybody" but I think he is hurting himself even if he doesn't realize it. I realize he is not going to change but I am wondering if other women are having the same issue with their elderly husbands.
It's a Scientist/Engineer thing. We dress down unless there is a reason to dress up. On weekends I am frequently in t-shirt, sweat pants, and a vest or coat. Birkenstock sandals or Merrill slip-ons depending on weather. Driving around in a rat-rod primer black 1982 Scirocco.

The huge key ring I do take exception to, I carry most keys in a leather key wallet, but car keys are on a separate light "pocket-knife" type leather wallet. This is because a heavy key ring can damage the car's ignition switch, not for fashion purposes.

I will dress up for occasions, and when hosting Russian visitors or in Russia, I look entirely different. From Mother Earth News to GQ in 30 minutes flat. But that's because in Russia (and most Eastern countries) how you look is more important than it is in the US.

Having written that, I am sort of sad that we look like bums, and are all OK with it, but am at a loss about what to do about it. I can dress like James Bond on weekends when I go out, but few if any will follow suit (no pun intended) and would waste a lot of time dressing and undressing for when I am going to do some car work or cut firewood.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 12:48 PM
 
6,945 posts, read 3,917,354 times
Reputation: 15763
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
This thread reminds me of the wife who poured her heart out here about her retired husband who did nothing but sit and watch TV day after day. He wore the same clothes for days on end without showering, smelled terribly due to a lack of personal hygiene and was pretty much a disgusting slob. I still think about that thread, what a horrible thing to do to a wife. She sounded like she had already decided to leave him, I hope it worked out for both.
He died.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:11 PM
 
6,415 posts, read 5,122,551 times
Reputation: 13057
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
This is a great analogy, wish I had come up with it. We hear this from men all the time, why can't the OP have the same opinion? If it bothers her enough to start a thread about it then she has obviously called it to her husband's attention a number of times. That should be enough for her husband to listen. As I said when my wife calls my attention to similar behavior I immediately correct the problem for her as much as for myself.


That's kind of what being married is all about, listening to what is important to your spouse. And being a former engineer is not a legitimate excuse to blow off your wife's feelings and looking like a slob.
That is a very good point! I know my roommate would hate to be seen with a chunky slob. I confess that I feel the same way. Thank goodness I do not have to worry about his attire. Always neatly pressed and well groomed. But he does have other crazy habits.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,337 posts, read 45,080,802 times
Reputation: 12989
Quote:
Originally Posted by arleigh View Post
I am 67 and have been wearing work clothes all my life with the exception of weddings and funerals .
I wear black T shirts, levis, and tennis shoes, and during the winter a hooded wind breaker.
As a mechanic it is customary to be the one to jump into action when something breaks, and it doesn't pay to wear good clothes when this happens.
My wife was not particularly careful about dress and we lived pretty good considering.
I think that it depends on the culture you live in.
Dad and mom were not fashion fancy, neither were my wives parents , just simple people satisfied with who they are.
One of three paths you can take ,
Either adopt his fashion statement, or contrast with it, or simply accept him as he is, and defend his right to feel comfortable in his clothes.
If people are judging you for your clothing they aren't your friends.
I understand that there are some Texas millionaires that dress in bib overalls and drive old pick up trucks. they have no one to impress.
You know, if a hoodie is good enough for Zuckerberg, and a black turtleneck was good enough for Steve Jobs, what's wrong with some cargo pants, a decent shirt, and some comfortable shoes for the rest of us engineering types?

Another point is that my peer group dresses about the same - each dresses down in his own way, but if anyone dresses up, the general thought is they are interviewing somewhere else...
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:21 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,437,930 times
Reputation: 62074
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
My husband is a better dresser than me, he always been that way. Except he doesn't mind wearing t-shirt with corporate logos. So if it bothers me, I throw them out without him knowing it. Every year I get him nice new clothes to replace it. I suggest you throw out some of his old clothes, thereby it forces him to wear new ones.
Really? You throw out your adult husband's clothes like one would go through a child's clothing?


Mr. CSD is an adult who can wear what he wants when he wants. He has no need nor desire to be treated like a 3 year old just learning how to dress themselves.
He does not always wear what I think should be worn however, that is merely my opinion, nothing more.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:25 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,437,930 times
Reputation: 62074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
Typically all of that is needed is the wife to point out to the husband, "Here, wear these instead", and we donit. Ecause it is important to them. But show me a husband that actually says to a wife "Here, wear these instead", ....and they do. It would be cold day in Hades, or the zombie apocalypse before a wife would take clothes suggestions from their husband. It's a double standard. Why is it less important for the wife to respect what the husband wants to wear than the other way around? You're both spouses and both entitled to have important feelings on a subject.
Not true at all, I hate to shop and Mr. CSD will drag me to the dress shop from time to time, park me in the fitting room and bring me clothing to try on. He has very good taste in clothing.
He also does not suggest what I wear at any given moment though.
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,882 posts, read 23,223,672 times
Reputation: 37308
Meh....as long as he and his clothing are clean and match reasonably well, I wouldn't worry about it. He spent decades dressing for work every day. Let it go when it's day to day stuff and save your "battles" for the times it counts.

Does he really need to carry a bunch of keys? Is he worried about losing or forgetting them? Maybe there is a compromise there - small regular keychain with a Tile thingy on them. As someone who does have history of misplacing keys, that Tile thing is great. I plan on giving them as gifts this year. My mother has called me several times this year, afraid she has lost her smartphone; my dad...misplaces everything lol.


Tile

Last edited by maciesmom; 01-20-2017 at 01:56 PM..
 
Old 01-20-2017, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,917 posts, read 4,845,133 times
Reputation: 29005
I had a fight with DH about six months ago in Costco. It was about buying a pair of jeans.

He had shoved an extra pair of jeans in his backpack for our trip to see his mother. Unfortunately, since he never throws out clothing, he'd grabbed a pair that had large holes in multiple places. So when we got to Portland we went to Costco to buy a pair of jeans. I did, anyway. He went along unwillingly.

They didn't have his customary black jeans. And by customary, I mean "the style he's worn every day for the last 25 years." So I picked up a pair of blue jeans in his size. He pitched a fit. I put them in the cart anyway, pointing out that his mother would be distressed if he showed up looking like a bum.

I tried to add a few more things of the useful sort when you're going to be in a hotel for a week. Nope. You can't have those. I said, "Fine. I'm going to sit out in front of the store. When you're finished being a butthead, come see me."

Normally I don't care what he wears, particularly at home, but in this case his stupid obstinance was going to cause pain to another person. I couldn't allow that.
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