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Old 01-27-2017, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,592 posts, read 17,589,896 times
Reputation: 27682

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I was at a meeting at an outpatient medical facility today and there was a small bus that had "Northeast TN rural transit" there. I guess there are a few options for seniors and the disabled.
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Old 01-27-2017, 12:42 PM
 
341 posts, read 171,449 times
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OP

You are a good child to your parents and aging relatives. It is impressive to see someone your age so concerned about your family's health and financial situation. You can tell you were raised well.

I live in Tennessee and know exactly the situation your family is dealing with. Unfortunately small towns are the first thing to dry up and the last ones to prosper when a recession is over. Some small towns never come back. Your family was brought up in a rural area where the belief system is to stay there no matter what happens in their life. They sometimes don't know how to help themselves. I know families here who grow up, get married and move next door or down the road from their parents, never far away. It is strange to me because we were raised to be independent and move where the money/jobs are. All of my siblings live in different states because we were raised to leave our parents and move far away if needed. It is ingrained in some smaller rural communities to stay nearby.

You stated your parents were broke and act like everything will be ok with them financially and in the future. I have known many people like this that have no clue about their future. It seems like they live in denial and like living there.

In spite of everything you are in a bad situation with the weight of your families problems on your shoulders. Getting the house fixed and selling the property seems like a good option so your parents can move to something smaller and easier to maintain. Maybe call some senior agencies in your area and get some solid advice.

Like others have stated, you need to think about yourself and get a plan together so you can leave to have a future. I have extended family that stayed to help and they are now in their 50's still living with family after 30+ years.

I hope things work out and wish you only the best.
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Old 01-27-2017, 12:56 PM
KCZ
 
1,678 posts, read 974,176 times
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To the OP:

Northern New England is in a very similar situation...no services for an aging population, some of whose families have lived here since the 1700's. I can sympathize with your story.

I think the Serious Conversation you need to have is with your parents. Ask them how they will manage if you need to leave for other job opportunities in a few months. Ask them how they will manage to care for themselves and their parents. Your parents are the ones who will need to provide assistance for your grandparents, not you. While it's commendable that you care enough to help your grandparents and aunt, that's not your job.

You need to find some local advice. Ask at the senior center about a social worker with whom you can discuss options for assisted living facilities, because it doesn't seem like your older family members will be able to stay in their current homes in another five years. Also ask about free financial counseling services because your parents need this. And you're going to have to be very resolute and push them all to think about the future more than they're comfortable doing. Denial is a big component of the situation for them. Make sure they know you're doing it because you're concerned, and if they tell you to butt out, then you're done. Keep job-searching in other areas. Now is the time to start planning.

Good luck, and bless you for being such a good son, good grandson, and good nephew.
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Old 01-27-2017, 01:48 PM
 
911 posts, read 531,435 times
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OP, your situation is growing more common. Medical advances have extended lives but leave people requiring care in their old age. Women who used to be stay at home moms now work full-time and cannot be automatic caretakers. Jobs have left the small and rural towns leaving children with few options but to move to big cities to make it financially. Families are smaller compared to past generations which means there are less children to shoulder responsibilities. It really is a perfect storm that I have witnessed multiple times in my own family.

In my opinion older generations must stop being selfish and realize that they may have no other choice but to make changes. I have a friend (50 yrs old) who is single and is a postal worker in a big city. 20 years ago her parents retired from working in that big city and moved back to their childhood small town in Kansas in order to be near their siblings (never mind all their children stayed in the big city). Now their siblings have died yet they are demanding their daughter quit her job to move to that small town in order to take care of them. They have no thought as to how she will support herself now or in the future. She has offered to arrange for them to move back to the big city where she could look after them and still keep her job but they refuse. OP, I would look out for yourself first otherwise you might end up destitute yourself right when you reach retirement age. I commend you for caring for your family.
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Old 01-27-2017, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,592 posts, read 17,589,896 times
Reputation: 27682
They are managing for now. The real problem is probably going to come down the road, in five or ten years. Parents will likely not have enough to retire on, certainly not comfortably, and he may have to continue working. I don't know how much they have or don't have, but I did have bill collectors calling me a few years ago looking for them. That's since stopped and now they're getting unsolicited CC/personal loan offers again. I think their credit/financial health is better than it was several years ago.

I do think they have their heads in the sand. Grandmother and aunt do too, but they're more of "the Lord will provide" mindset - mom and dad are not as religious.

Ultimately I think the time to do something was ten years ago when he got laid off from that factory. They were 50 then and this area has always been economically weak, but the bottom fell out then. At 60, it's more difficult to make the changes.

Unless there is something unexpectedly positive happening here in the next few years, I don't see myself remaining in this town. I'm already going stir crazy here.
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Old 01-27-2017, 02:54 PM
 
2,684 posts, read 1,048,729 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
They are managing for now. The real problem is probably going to come down the road, in five or ten years. Parents will likely not have enough to retire on, certainly not comfortably, and he may have to continue working. I don't know how much they have or don't have, but I did have bill collectors calling me a few years ago looking for them. That's since stopped and now they're getting unsolicited CC/personal loan offers again. I think their credit/financial health is better than it was several years ago.

I do think they have their heads in the sand. Grandmother and aunt do too, but they're more of "the Lord will provide" mindset - mom and dad are not as religious.

Ultimately I think the time to do something was ten years ago when he got laid off from that factory. They were 50 then and this area has always been economically weak, but the bottom fell out then. At 60, it's more difficult to make the changes.

Unless there is something unexpectedly positive happening here in the next few years, I don't see myself remaining in this town. I'm already going stir crazy here.
All of your posts are about what your family's needs are. What are your dreams and needs? If I were you, I would leave the area asap. Your parents are grown-ups, responsible for their own lives. If they made, or make, bad choices, that should not be your burden. By staying, you are sacrificing your own future, and this is not right. On the other hand, if your parents are encouraging you to move on, but you feel too much guilt to do so, then it seems to me that you've actively chosen to sacrifice your life. In either case, you might want to remember that you only get one go-round in this world; if you want to spend it being a martyr for your parents, that's your choice. If you don't, then leave.
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Old 01-27-2017, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,592 posts, read 17,589,896 times
Reputation: 27682
Quote:
Originally Posted by OrganicSmallHome View Post
All of your posts are about what your family's needs are. What are your dreams and needs? If I were you, I would leave the area asap. Your parents are grown-ups, responsible for their own lives. If they made, or make, bad choices, that should not be your burden. By staying, you are sacrificing your own future, and this is not right. On the other hand, if your parents are encouraging you to move on, but you feel too much guilt to do so, then it seems to me that you've actively chosen to sacrifice your life. In either case, you might want to remember that you only get one go-round in this world; if you want to spend it being a martyr for your parents, that's your choice. If you don't, then leave.
I like my job and make good money for the area, and I've only been back six months. I need to get some stability on my resume, and want the next move to be wel-planned to a place I want to be, not necessarily some random dart on the map in the Midwest that has a good economy like I've done before.
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Old 01-27-2017, 04:41 PM
 
6,267 posts, read 4,740,348 times
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I would say for the future, pay more attention to the job and less to picking a place. You want the opportunity to succeed to learn, to grow and hopefully advance at that job or the next.
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Old 01-27-2017, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
Reputation: 26388
You have to be able to support yourself to be able to take care of them. If I was in your situation I would to the place with the best job prospects for you. Then if they need help, they can move to where you are located! And believe me, they will!

If you put yourself in a situation where you are un or underemployed you won't be able to help them if you are working 2 McJobs trying to make up the difference.
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Old 01-27-2017, 05:25 PM
 
6,625 posts, read 3,754,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
I would say for the future, pay more attention to the job and less to picking a place. You want the opportunity to succeed to learn, to grow and hopefully advance at that job or the next.
Absolutely. When you're young, you can make pretty much any city with job opportunities work.

Moving to a place with lower than national average of unemployment, and a good number of companies there that employ your field or expertise or skill is a really good start. So that when and if you need to change jobs again, there are other companies there that might hire you. It's also good to know that during the next recession, your new city may not be hit as hard as some others.

There are some states that are just more stable economically and have more job opportunities. Texas is one. Lots of job opportunities there in all sorts of fields, and it holds up fairly well during recessions (except during oil-related recessions, in which case Houston is hit harder than most cities in the nation).

You can't live other people's lives, and you don't have the power to make their decisions for them. If you did, they wouldn't have a crisis looming.

You are in your prime earning years. You can't afford to let anything interfere with that. There will come a time when your best earning years are behind you. It's also easier to move when you're younger. So whenever you have the stability in your job there, like you mentioned, I hope you make plans to settle down somewhere in a place with opportunities. Remember, also, that when you have a new job, it will be hard for you to take off time to go take care of your relatives.

I hope you get settled somewhere, meet a great young woman, start your own family, and that you don't have to be worried much about your relatives, any more (more than anyone else). I hope your relatives are able to settle into their senior years without too much trouble. Tell them what you think, make sure they know that there is possibly a crisis looming for them, but beyond that, there's not much you can do.
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