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I used to know the town you lived in but over the years I've forgotten. Anyway, I think your town is even smaller than mine. The actual population of my town is about 12,000, give or take a few, but we have a lot of small communities that butt up against us and make it seem like more. Probably around 45,000 if you consider the entire valley, about 20 mi. in circumference. Maybe that's why I don't feel "stuck here" or maybe it's just because I really love where I live. I've thought about leaving again, and know exactly where I'd go if I did, but I think I've just gotten too old, tired and lazy to really consider it. My family is certainly not keeping me here. I might as well not have any for all the communication we have but I have everything I could possibly need here so it's all good.
Yes, we too have other small towns around us that make the area seem larger. I go to one for groceries and the other for medical. And the big city is less than 30 minutes aepway. I used to drive there to work and back many years ago. I found it very relaxing. But then traffic wasn't as bad.
They love eating out but no real big money wasting hobbies or vices. Mom used to have a bad shopping issue. No real clue where it goes.
There's just a general lack of agency on doing anything. Ultimately they are not going to change at their age unless there is some sort of external change mechanism.
Well the money is going somewhere, or they are putting it away and not telling you. I guess that's their right, but they are not "broke" with that income and level of housing cost/bills, so they don't need your help financially. If you can't convince them to let you make home repairs, just let them be. It sounds pretty gross, but it has nothing to do with where they live. The situation with the laundry room would be the same whatever town or city they lived in. They would be doing whatever it is they are doing with their money wherever they lived. You've said they probably would not avail themselves if more cultural activities were available, so again, not the fault of the area where they live. Their issues are really not about living in a small town.
75 grand/year in a low COL area with a cheap mortgage actually doesn't sound that bad off to me.
The OP has really given me a lot to think about recenrtly as we are considering a retirement move to his area. We have discussed health care and general costs of everyday items in the area bit I had not really put a lot of thought into other services seniors need. I do iknow Uber is starting to gain traction in the area area and that could be a possible solution to short rides to the doctor.
I moved to a remote area in CA - yes they exist LOL, and I've realized it won't work for me long-term.
The biggest problem here is dental care. I am covered by a California dental version of Medi-Caid, but, our local clinic that accepts Medi-Caid (Denta-Cal) isn't taking new adult patients, and doesn't ever expect to. So, when I need dental care, I have to sign in at 8am, and sit and wait and hope that they will have a no-show, as they will take a drop-in if they have a cacellation. The last time I went, needing to have a tooth pulled, I waited 5 hours.
The next closest option that accepts my insurance, is about 4 1/2 hours away.
I know seniors here who need dialysis, etc., and it's a 2 1/2 hour drive away. And the weather here can be really severe with wind and rain. Also, there are often landslides, etc., that can mean long waits on the highways, waiting for the pilot cars to move traffic along one lane, instead of two, because the road has fallen into the ocean.
I'm 60, but I don't want to deal with what my older new friends are dealing with here. Why fight a battle you can't win? Other than how cheap it is here, there are no other ties to keep me here.
But, I'm sure others are dealing with leaving loved ones behind. Difficult decisions.
I moved to this town in Oklahoma partly to get out of socal and largely because it is so much less expensive. I have a 700sf house, one room just storage, which is fine for me. I keep it up and its in good shape. I do enjoy the quiet. But now I'm the only house on this side of the street which is occupied. If I travel, I might need to pack and story all my valuables or find someone trustworth to stay here all the time. There aren't a lot of services. I hate living in the political climate, saying nothing about how much I dislike it. Why vote if it has no chance of mattering?
I do like the quiet, and most of the time just being left alone. Economically, its a very cheap area to live. I own the house, property tax 200 a YEAR. I already know I can't find this other places where I fit. So most of the time, I'm fine. Its when I just really need to see people like me... I miss my life then.
Best chance is to move closer to my son. It's still not California, but having family close would matter. My latest possibility is a see if there area any houses like mine, old ones which are small and cheap, there. I do love my son and look forward to getting more acquainted with his family, but know too close is just going to be fireworks.
It's hard to decide which matters most, the financial security or the other things. And I know I do not want to live in a condo, apartment, detached add on, and so on. And not tooooo close.
I don't know what's going to happen, but will find a way to figure it out.
This is a very educational string for those people considering retirement to any smaller place.
Kudos to SC for being so open and transparent.
For most retirees, the primary consideration is that as we get older, we're more and more likely to need quick access to medical care resources.
That will be found mostly in larger urban areas. Why? Because the professionals need to be able to make the high incomes that allow them to pay off student loans and enjoy the standard of living to which they aspire.
As time goes on, more of these smaller places will likely see medical care resources dry up. My mother in law moved to a small town in Arizona and then discovered that there was only one doctor who would accept a new Medicare patient. That is the primary reason we've decided to remain here.
My advice to anybody considering a move is to first assess the medical facilities and senior services available in that area. You don't want to get stranded and then try to move again at age 85.
The immediate area is not in the predicament of medical resources drying up, but the severely depressed counties in southwest VA, eastern KY, and many of the rural counties in east TN are going to be impacted.
Many of these rural hospitals and medical providers operate at a loss. Some have shutdown. The ones that remain have largely been brought into the folder of larger systems with profitable facilities in better areas. Even then, many close.
I worked in a town in southwest VA for two years after college that was 45 minutes from the nearest hospital. At least where we live now, there are three hospitals within 15 minutes or so.
Well the money is going somewhere, or they are putting it away and not telling you. I guess that's their right, but they are not "broke" with that income and level of housing cost/bills, so they don't need your help financially. If you can't convince them to let you make home repairs, just let them be. It sounds pretty gross, but it has nothing to do with where they live. The situation with the laundry room would be the same whatever town or city they lived in. They would be doing whatever it is they are doing with their money wherever they lived. You've said they probably would not avail themselves if more cultural activities were available, so again, not the fault of the area where they live. Their issues are really not about living in a small town.
No, the issues aren't necessarily unique to Kingsport, but some of it boils back to a small town/rural mentality that they can't seem to shake, even though it is not in the best interest.
Several years back when I was in Indianapolis, dad hit a deer while driving in rural southwest Virginia to his night shift call center job. He was working nights due to the shift differential. Had the local job market been healthier, he'd likely have been working days in a normal job, and would have probably never hit the deer. This totaled the trouble-free, paid for car he had.
Hitting that deer led to buying a 2004 Corolla for $4,000, which he got a loan for because he didn't have cash. Transmission on that car laid down nearly immediately, then laid down again about a year after that. He's probably got as much invested in those transmissions as he did in the car. The loan he got for the transmission was just paid off this month. The 2010 Camry is being paid off in the spring. Our cell phones have been paid off, which was another $100/month for them. Car payments are $400/month. I'm probably paying another $400/month on the mortgage and utilities. They will probably be around $1,000 positive cash flow by spring vs. spring of 2016, and that's just my back of the napkin math.
No, they absolutely should not be "broke," but she has a ton of medical expenses. I have no idea what they are paying in and where the money goes, or if they're broke or just think they are. I do know the debt collectors stopped calling me, so it seems they are at least better off than they were a few years ago.
Had they moved to a healthier area, gotten a teaching job, and stayed there, they would be making a lot more money and been more secure, yet they decided to move back to Kingsport, even after landing a teaching job in a small town in South Carolina in the early 90s. They had nothing but complaints about this place, even though it really is similar to Kingsport.
His eight year old, nearly $2,000 riding mower had major engine damage and was totaled last fall, which I'm sure the mice chewing on didn't help. He bought a $250 1999 used mower, which is now in the shop of a local repairman we know, and this dude was in a major ATV accident around Christmas and will be laid up for months. The repairman hauled the mower to his house, and we don't have a truck or trailer to get it, so dad was going on yesterday how we'll probably have to start this year's mowing pushing the hilly acre. He says he can't afford to buy a new rider.
I told him flatly yesterday that I am not going to push the whole damn thing - I already do the pushing, weed-eating, and blowing. If the mower is down for awhile, I don't mind to help out on paying someone to mow the property for a short while, but I am not going to do it myself and am not going to contribute paying for this indefinitely.
He doesn't see that this whole predicament with the yard is stupid. We don't have a pick up that we need to haul things with to maintain a house of this size - when he moved in, he had a truck and had one for about ten years, so we either have to pay for delivery or have to deal with the inconvenience of renting a truck. Garage is full of junk chairs and a couple of tube TVs from grandma that need to be hauled off, but we have no way to do it, and when I try to nudge him into "let's rent a truck on Friday afternoon, we pick up at lunch (he's off every Friday), and make a landfill run Saturday morning," he stubs up and won't do it. Same thing with the yard - instead of either paying someone to mow, buying a mower, whatever, to make the situation more practical, it's stub up and take the hardest route possible.
He said this weekend he wants to keep his "yard and privacy" for "as long as he can," yet he is extremely stubborn and things that truly need to be done, like fixing the laundry room, don't get done. He wants the privacy and yard view, but doesn't properly maintain it himself and can't/won't hire someone to do it. Aren't a lot of people facing similar situations with stubborn, aging relatives?
They do need to downsize - not necessarily to a condo or townhome, but a well-maintained ranch with a small, flat yard would be a much better fit. That would keep him from having neighbors on top of him and allow him to maintain some privacy, and would dump this house with the frustrating yard and repair situation. The bright side is that there is a house about a quarter mile up the street that is pending at $167,000, and is more dated and in worse shape than ours. If they could get $160k+, that opens up a lot of more practical properties in far better shape than ours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53
Yes, we too have other small towns around us that make the area seem larger. I go to one for groceries and the other for medical. And the big city is less than 30 minutes aepway. I used to drive there to work and back many years ago. I found it very relaxing. But then traffic wasn't as bad.
We are in the "Tri-Cities" in east TN. I work in the worst of the three cities that is more along the lines of a Youngstown Ohio than a Sun Belt city in TN/NC.
The best of the cities, Johnson City, is a college town about a half hour from my office. It has the area's only healthy mall, newest/best housing stock, the downtown has been rehabilitated, the grocery selection is much better - a new "flagship store" of the regional chain grocer opened recently and is just slightly below the stores in Indianapolis. There are more upmarket choices on virtually anything, far more/better dining options, etc. The college helps generate more activity.
It's not a powerhouse by any means but does offer a lot more day to day than Kingsport does. I've been focusing my condo/townhome search in Johnson City. Unless there was some sort of amazing deal, I'm not even considering Kingsport, even though it would be a 30-40 minute commute.
I definitely think moving to Knoxville, or JC is my current job holds up (and looks better than I thought per manager - and I've had two good performance reviews), would definitely improve my outlook a bit rather than living in a depressed Rust Belt city.
Last edited by Serious Conversation; 01-30-2017 at 08:52 AM..
Seriously? THAT little piece of psycho-babble is all you have to offer after having read the OP's posts?!
OP, I have read this thread with interest. My father's family is from eastern Kentucky (Van Lear, to be exact), and many members had the same mentality as your parents. I say "had" because most have died by now, never having lived more than 100 miles from Van Lear. I guess there is something comforting about living in the same area, growing old there, etc., although I grew up in the Air Force (that's how my father ESCAPED Van Lear, by joining the military in the late '50s) and never had a "home town" so it's hard for me to understand that mentality.
Your posts are always so interesting, showing much intelligence, thought, and insight. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't, other than to say that at SOME point, you have to move wherever is right for you, and leave your parents behind (not emotionally, of course, at least not in your case, but in terms of proximity).
I wish you well.
Last edited by karen_in_nh_2012; 01-30-2017 at 05:28 PM..
Reason: Fix typo
Seriously? THAT little piece of psycho-babble is all you have to offer after having read the OP's posts?!
OP, I have read this thread with interest. My father's family is from eastern Kentucky (Van Lear, to be exact), and many members had the same mentality as your parents. I say "had" because most have died by now, never having lived more than 100 miles from Van Lear. I guess there is something comforting about living in the same area, growing old there, etc., although I grew up in the Air Force (that's how my father ESCAPED Van Lear, by joining the military in the late '50s) and never had a "home town" so it's hard for me to understand that mentality.
Your posts are always so interesting, showing much intelligence, thought, and insight. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't, other than to say that at SOME point, you have to move wherever is right for you, and leave your parents behind (not emotionally, of course, at least not in your case, but in terms of proximity).
I wish you well.
Your own post is intelligent also. And I have often wondered the same thing, namely how to understand the mental outlook of people who prefer to be joined at the hip geographically with the spot where they were born and grew up. (Those people probably also wonder how to understand my outlook of wanting to see and experience the wider world.) I suppose it's akin to someone who likes broccoli versus someone who doesn't like it. How can the difference ever be "explained".
It seems to me never living more than 100 miles from a place, and probably very rarely ever venturing outside that radius even for relatively short periods of time, would be like a prison sentence.
Even a place with lots of exciting variety such as Los Angeles or New York City wouldn't be a place I would like to chained to, and I am so glad to have lived in other places on two different continents, as much as I like Los Angeles.
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