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Old 01-28-2017, 08:27 AM
 
20,581 posts, read 16,645,141 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlawrence01 View Post
Agree with all of this with one clarification.

If you are a person who is generous with your neighbors and help them out, they generally do the same. If you are the type that only "wants to get" and are nerver around when they are in the need, that is what you will get.

We did #3. We are the young folks in town and have done a lot of things for our neighbors. In return, we have gotten a lot back. However, a lot of the younger people "never have time" to pitch in and help out.
I have to say, this can only go on for so long, and then it becomes unfair to the neighbors (and the elderly person, frankly). Before my mom moved into assisted living, she lived almost 2 hours away from me, and was getting to the point of declining. She didn't drive anymore, she was frailer and I was always worried about her going to the basement, etc. So after a couple of times of me dropping what I was doing or racing 2 hours down there after an 8-hour work day after not being able to reach her all day, only to discover she forgot to turn her phone on that morning got there (Grrr!) I asked her next door neighbor if he would take a key to her place. He was very nice and wanted to help, and thank God for he and his daughter (it was his daughter who forced my mom to let her take her to the hospital when she kept saying she was fine) but it truly was an unfair position to put them in.

As this neighbor declines, there will be a point where you go from helper to enabler to allow her to stay in an environment and living situation she may not be safe in. Maybe you'd be helping her more by helping her apply to senior living residences or for help from the city such as Meals on Wheels. I say this as an occupational therapist who has worked in nursing home rehab for 18 years, and love being around elderly people and fight every day for people to be able to return home whenever possible.

It's one thing to offer to shovel her snow or send your lawn guy over to mow her lawn, but when it becomes actual care giving, I don't think it's fair to judge the neighbors and why they may/may not be helping (who may very well be dealing with their own elderly parents - my mom's care and taking care of her finances etc was almost a full time job, the last thing I had time to do was go help an elderly neighbor who will inevitably decline and become increasingly dependent on me).

It's awesome that you help your neighbor, I just don't think it's fair to make assumptions about why your other neighbors might not be.



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Old 01-28-2017, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,975 posts, read 7,749,631 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
With all due respect, everything (and anything) is straightforward if you'll never run out of money!
Well said. The only thing money cannot buy is poverty.
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Old 01-28-2017, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Florida -
8,764 posts, read 10,848,423 times
Reputation: 16639
The only relevance of double-income is the inference that you also have double-retirement assets. The combined fact that you also have no kids and are concerned about one outliving the other --- and needing care and assistance, shouts "Long Term Care Insurance!"

Given today's longevity, even with kids, Long-Term Care Insurance is important, even if only to preserve some degree of dignity, should one become incapacitated. Further, all evidence is that elderly care-givers often deteriorate more quickly than the one they are caring for. Finally, with no kids or family, one should run (not walk) to the 'LTCI shopping mall." (The older you get, the more costly you will find LTCI).

This is also the time to start shopping for potential ALF's or NH's ... and getting a plan in-place for what you will do if one/both are confronted with unexpected healthcare needs or community support. (In many cases, you can make lifetime financial arrangements involving an exchange of your home for lifetime care). With no kids, the idea of waiting until the need actually arises is short-sighted and risky.
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Old 01-28-2017, 10:10 AM
 
Location: SC
8,793 posts, read 5,661,531 times
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I'm a 57 Yo Half/DINK, looking for the other hald. I don't think having children automatically guarantees you that you will be taken care of in your 80's 90's. In fact, you may be shoved into a "home" until your money is gone, then into the back room of the house.

I also think that living in fear of getting old is not living. Instead, you should do your best to stay in good health and live out your life hoping for the best.
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Haiku
4,103 posts, read 2,580,412 times
Reputation: 6058
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
It's very straightforward. Sell your home and move to an assisted living complex, with nurses on staff. In my area, two people will cost about $6,000/month. With our retirement income and savings, we will never live long enough to run out of money. If you don't have adequate savings, you will end up wherever government charity puts you.
OP here. Again let me emphasize that my question I posed is not a financial one. My question is who will help us get there? Let's say we are in our 80's and I break a hip or something and we have to move or we go to assisted living home. My wife cannot pack up our house, sell what we don't want, make endless runs to the Goodwill, etc to get rid of stuff. We have no kids. Relatives all live in other states and have busy lives. All our friends are about our age, so we cannot expect them to break their backs either. We can hire people but having strangers sort through our stuff to pack it all seems risky to me.

It was really hard on us when we retired and moved out of our house. It is a lot of work to downsize and move. Downsizing is very personal because you get rid of so much personal stuff. I cannot imagine doing that again when we are in our 80's without a lot of help.
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour View Post
OP here. Again let me emphasize that my question I posed is not a financial one. My question is who will help us get there? Let's say we are in our 80's and I break a hip or something and we have to move or we go to assisted living home. My wife cannot pack up our house, sell what we don't want, make endless runs to the Goodwill, etc to get rid of stuff. We have no kids. Relatives all live in other states and have busy lives. All our friends are about our age, so we cannot expect them to break their backs either. We can hire people but having strangers sort through our stuff to pack it all seems risky to me.

It was really hard on us when we retired and moved out of our house. It is a lot of work to downsize and move. Downsizing is very personal because you get rid of so much personal stuff. I cannot imagine doing that again when we are in our 80's without a lot of help.
It all depends upon where you are living so no one can give you specifics as to what is available in your town. So first check out senior centers. They will have information about any type of help you may need. GOOGLE whatever specific concerns to find websites of various organizations set up to help the elderly. Decide what you will want to get rid of ahead of time so when the time comes to move you won't have to make last minute decisions. In my moves I used a couple of places that will pick up just about anything you want to give; some charge, some for free. Habitat For Humanity is one of the free ones if they are in your area.

Uber is your friend but there are often transportation options for seniors. There are options for just about everything. I even was able to order boxes for moving from Amazon for my last move.

I looked into movers and discovered there were actually companies that will help pack up when you are moving, I would have done that had they not been above my budget. Packing for moves first long distance and then locally across town wasn't easy for me because of my health but I took it slowly each time and got it done.

I don't know what else you are looking for but these days any service can be found for pretty much anything on the Internet. Again it will all depend upon where you live.
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Old 01-28-2017, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,268 posts, read 12,511,970 times
Reputation: 19430
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
With all due respect, everything (and anything) is straightforward if you'll never run out of money!
If you are DINKs, there isn't much excuse for being poor. Raising kids is a huge expense we never had to deal with. We just lived on one income and saved/invested the other.
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Old 01-28-2017, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,268 posts, read 12,511,970 times
Reputation: 19430
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoByFour View Post
OP here. Again let me emphasize that my question I posed is not a financial one. My question is who will help us get there? Let's say we are in our 80's and I break a hip or something and we have to move or we go to assisted living home. My wife cannot pack up our house, sell what we don't want, make endless runs to the Goodwill, etc to get rid of stuff. We have no kids. Relatives all live in other states and have busy lives. All our friends are about our age, so we cannot expect them to break their backs either. We can hire people but having strangers sort through our stuff to pack it all seems risky to me.

It was really hard on us when we retired and moved out of our house. It is a lot of work to downsize and move. Downsizing is very personal because you get rid of so much personal stuff. I cannot imagine doing that again when we are in our 80's without a lot of help.
That's an emotional and psychological problem, not a physical one. Take what you want to keep to your new apartment, which any moving company can do for you. Give your friends the good stuff you have an emotional attachment to. Call a consignment auction house to pick up anything that remains of value. That will be a surprisingly few things. Anybody who maintains a thrift store will send a truck to haul off what they want. Call a house cleaning service or garbage company to get rid of what is left; the realtor selling the house can help you with that. You will also need a yard service to clean up the outside.

You can't take it with you. Elderly people get attached to stuff, but it's just memories of better days. Save what you love and let the rest go. My wife and I have collected art and sculpture for decades. When we close the door on our home, one piece will go to a museum and the rest to nieces and nephews. If they don't want it, it will get consigned. The bronzes might bring a buck.
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Old 01-28-2017, 05:03 PM
 
20,581 posts, read 16,645,141 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
If you are DINKs, there isn't much excuse for being poor. Raising kids is a huge expense we never had to deal with. We just lived on one income and saved/invested the other.
Being poor and running out of money are not the same thing. Unless they had $100,000 a year jobs, there is no guarantee that people who live a long time won't run out of money when they get frail and sick. My mom ran through $175,000 in 3 years, between medical care, home health aides and rehabs.


In order to be sure you're not going to run out of money, most people need well over a million by the time they retire. Not everyone makes a ton of money. Heck, I'm single no kids, make a decent salary but aren't going to come close to having enough. I went to college late and paid off student loans until my mid-40's, doesn't leave a lot of time to save enough, and I won't have a home to sell.

It's really odd to imply that anyone, no matter their income, should have enough money saved to live to 100 as long as they didn't have kids.

I'll shut up about this now however, as OP has stated multiple times that money is not his concern.

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Old 01-28-2017, 05:44 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,235 posts, read 6,340,776 times
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My sister has the same problem. 10 years and she has not been able to downsizing much. I told her if she is dead, I will throw everything away. Not sure how she takes that. But she keeps coming up with many excuses that she has go through her stuff by herself. Not a chance in hell. So if you worry now, throw away things slowly. Keep absolutely the minimum is my best advice.
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