U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-05-2008, 10:14 AM
 
1,861 posts, read 3,023,912 times
Reputation: 559

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by mercedes1 View Post
I have been taking care of my elderly parents for the past three years as a sole caregiver. I have dealt with lawyers, doctors, financial planners, nursing home staff, assisted living staff, VA, insurance companies, and everything in between. They were scammed out of $12,000, lost all their belongings (long story-another scam job). They have lost their health, dignity and minds. My life lesson in all this: I no longer fear death.
Wow - that is horrible!! Have you been able to do anything about it in terms of getting the material stuff back? Not that you can get back what it has done to them. I'm so sorry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-05-2008, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,196,040 times
Reputation: 14611
Quote:
Originally Posted by GregoryS View Post
Do you ever think about what you would do if you ever found out how much longer you have to live? Would you want to know how much longer you have to live?
I'm still working in a somewhat stressful job. Sometimes I use catastrophic thinking to get through the day - I ask myself if I were to die tomorrow, would I still be worrying about something that is stressing me in my day-to-day work. 99% of the time, the answer is 'NO'. So if I knew I was dying, I'd take most of life's daily stressors less seriously. However, I don't think I'd like to know the exact day of my death.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-05-2008, 11:50 AM
 
Location: New Orleans Louisiana
156 posts, read 351,968 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by mercedes1 View Post
I have been taking care of my elderly parents for the past three years as a sole caregiver. I have dealt with lawyers, doctors, financial planners, nursing home staff, assisted living staff, VA, insurance companies, and everything in between. They were scammed out of $12,000, lost all their belongings (long story-another scam job). They have lost their health, dignity and minds. My life lesson in all this: I no longer fear death.

Awww that is such a sad story and so incredibly hard on you. I was the caregiver for my Dad for about a year before he passed away so I have just a little of an idea of what you are talking about. Your situation is probably much worse than I had it. You are going through things that just defy description and ultimately takes such a huge toll on you. It's not something anyone is prepared for. I can understand how you feel.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-05-2008, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 11,008,830 times
Reputation: 9460
Quote:
Originally Posted by mercedes1 View Post
I have been taking care of my elderly parents for the past three years as a sole caregiver. I have dealt with lawyers, doctors, financial planners, nursing home staff, assisted living staff, VA, insurance companies, and everything in between. They were scammed out of $12,000, lost all their belongings (long story-another scam job). They have lost their health, dignity and minds. My life lesson in all this: I no longer fear death.

I'm so sorry you have to shoulder such a burden all by yourself. There is surely a place in heaven for you. Bless you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-05-2008, 05:57 PM
 
69 posts, read 232,462 times
Reputation: 41
Default Caregiving

Thank you, posters, for your kind words. I do appreciate your responses. I just try to take it one day at a time, and walk the dog as often as I can (relieves stress)! Also, I truly believe all life experiences happen for a reason, and I will draw strength and wisdom from this experience one day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2008, 12:06 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,537 posts, read 39,914,033 times
Reputation: 23643
believe me you will... (BTDT)

I did the elder care thing for 30+ yrs and had to settle bankruptcy dealings for my parents, when I was but a child... (18). You definately get a change of perspective. I hope to leave no bills for my kids But... it ain't over yet ! I have been very fortunate to have only wayward parents, not wayward kids !! (yet).

The emotional roller coaster everyday is a challenge, and making quality of life and life support decisions (4 times for my dad... ) is a challenge, then getting yelled at and smitten for your choices... oh yes... fun, But there were rays of hope along the way, and growing up and realizing how much more growing up you had to do when the really tough things come along. We have it very fortunate tho, many families live in terrible fear for their lives and sustenance (every minute !).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2008, 05:46 AM
 
Location: New Orleans Louisiana
156 posts, read 351,968 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by janb View Post
The emotional roller coaster everyday is a challenge, and making quality of life and life support decisions (4 times for my dad... ) is a challenge, then getting yelled at and smitten for your choices... oh yes... fun, But there were rays of hope along the way, and growing up and realizing how much more growing up you had to do when the really tough things come along. We have it very fortunate tho, many families live in terrible fear for their lives and sustenance (every minute !).
Awww this is so true...I also went through the life support thing over and over with my Dad. Having 10 children made every decision as hard as passing a bill in congress. I have at least one sister that has never been as close to me since that time. The last night, she still wanted to save Dad by putting him back on a ventilator but I just couldn't have them do that to him again. It's nice how you describe growing up and the rays of hope and I can tell you are ok. You really find some things deep within yourself and learn to appreciate the smallest things others probably take for granted.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2008, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,800,954 times
Reputation: 6195
Quote:
Originally Posted by GregoryS View Post
I recently saw The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman about two older guys who find out they are terminally ill. Without ruining the story for those who haven't seen it they handle the news a little differently than many probably would. I liked the movie but I think some others think that it's too much of a downer to even think about. Do you ever think about what you would do if you ever found out how much longer you have to live? Would you want to know how much longer you have to live?
I wouldn't want to know how much longer I have to live, nor would I have special things I would want to do before going. I try to have new things planned for every year, so I attempt to maximize (to the degree financially possible) the enjoyment of life today, with having something to look forward to tomorrow.

To me, that is about as close as I can get to optimizing life. Enjoy today and have something specific to look forward to tomorrow. I hope to be like that to the end.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2008, 08:45 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,537 posts, read 39,914,033 times
Reputation: 23643
Quote:
Originally Posted by GregoryS View Post
Awww this is so true...I also went through the life support thing over and over with my Dad. Having 10 children made every decision as hard as passing a bill in congress. I have at least one sister that has never been as close to me since that time. ...
That previous generation was from pretty tough stock!! Dad would end up in on life support with less than 5% chance of making it, them... a week later walk out of the place. The VA called one time and had found him face down in the snow near their bus stop... He just kept springing back, and enjoyed the grandkids immensely, even had a great sense of humor (most of the time...) so it was all worthwhile, besides.... What are the options someone has to handle it.

We kids all get along, (surprisingly) after all the antics we put up with...from our parents.

Last edited by StealthRabbit; 03-06-2008 at 09:08 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-06-2008, 08:56 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,875,914 times
Reputation: 23217
Plan like you are going to live forever and live like you are going to die tomorrow. I just got my first retirement check from SS. Did you know that the average person dies 6 months after they retire. No I don't want to know exactly when it is going to happen. I just live each day and enjoy it for what it is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top