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Old 02-17-2017, 02:44 PM
5,429 posts, read 3,454,205 times
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Originally Posted by blktoptrvl View Post
Sounds like this is something that can easily be cured with a hobby or two.
Existential angst and ennui often make hobbies seem not worthwhile and makes one feel that nothing is worth doing.

Also because retirement is open-ended there is a certain malaise which can overtake a person, making nothing seem urgent and interest in doing even what one normally finds interesting wanes and is no longer interesting.

Existential angst can also make one dwell upon death, and makes one feel hopeless, because why do much at all since death is impending.

Last edited by matisse12; 02-17-2017 at 03:45 PM..
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Old 02-17-2017, 03:04 PM
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I've read about "the French diseases of the soul- ennui, malaise and anomie." We can also thank the Germans for angst.

And adopted dogs aren't necessarily "grateful." If they're happy, they're happy but I don't think they can do gratitude. I enjoy my multiple senior adoptions, and some are more bonded than others.
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Old 02-17-2017, 03:42 PM
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Bella DL and Matisse12 - such good responses.
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Old 02-17-2017, 06:11 PM
Location: Wasilla, AK
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I'm much busier in retirement than I ever was while working. In fact, I'm so busy I don't even have time to die.
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Old 02-17-2017, 11:05 PM
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I talked to a man once who was head of a local pro-life activism organization. He became the leader once he "retired." To him, retirement meant he could now work full-time at something that was relegated to something he could only work on in his spare time. He was one happy man.

Don't mean to stir up an abortion debate with this story .... just saying maybe playing golf every day isn't what everyone thinks retirement is.
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Old 02-17-2017, 11:16 PM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,624 posts, read 39,986,663 times
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Originally Posted by Minethatbird View Post
I talked to a man once ...To him, retirement meant he could now work full-time at something that was relegated to something he could only work on in his spare time. He was one happy man.

These passions and similar have significant value to those who don't have the time or expertise to invest in needs.

Remember the many 'retirees' who made it big when they discovered 'retirement' was not suiting them. . Ray Kroc, Harland Sanders, ...
Entrepreneurs Over 50 - Business Insider
10 Successful Businesses That Were Started in Retirement | Business Insurance Quotes: Compare Providers for Free

don't need the money? do it for someone who does need the money / help, but does not have the time / capital at the moment.

no shortage of opportunities.

One of our retired friends started an organization to shelter women from human trafficking, another teaches women / girls in Afghanistan, another started an orphanage in her home country of Cambodia. All of these operations hire people, stimulate the economy and do great good (probably more sustainable good than the retirees did during their employment) Hint: all opportunities became MUCH bigger than ever imagined, and some were just 'happened upon, by recognizing and desiring to meet the needs of others.
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Old 02-18-2017, 08:33 AM
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,543,297 times
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Originally Posted by Heather72754 View Post
Slyfox, with this post of yours I finally 'got it' as you say. But the 'it', I believe, is nothing so lofty as an existential crisis. It is that you have/have had way too narrow of a definition of usefulness/accomplishment/joy. You seem similar to the 3-yr-old who wants ice cream, but there is none. He is offered cookies, brownies, cake, pie - but NO, it's only the ICE CREAM he wants and nothing else is going to suffice.

So really, I think it comes down to whether you are going to accept the wonderful desserts that life CAN offer you, or are you going to continue to insist you cannot be happy without the one thing it CANNOT offer you?
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
OH Golly... I have done that already. I am not in need of armchair psychological analysis. But thanks for your attempts. It is possible to have to re-align your life, and I have done that. However, 40 years of practice is very very difficult to adjust in a few short years, while struggling with declining health, and other issues of age.

As I said before, I have an extensive existential online counseling service that I do free for people around the world and which takes up about 10-12 hours per week.

I have not demanded only one flavor of ice cream as you suggest. That would be stupid since the neither the ice cream store nor the flavor exists anymore.

I start a new Senior College course in a few weeks on Estate Planning, and am planning to visit my children in April (about 1000 miles away along with my grand son).

I do not have a narrow view of joy.

Transitions can be hard particularly if they are dramatically different. You do know this, right? My original point was to encourage discussions about this, and that has happened.
Despite your protestations, and perhaps because of you making them, it is clear that you have NOT accepted what your new life is or can be. You have your intellectual definitions... and your unique situation just cannot be shoved into any box - nor do you want it to. After years of experience with existential psychology are you finding that you are outside of that realm or beyond it? You seem most "content" to wallow around in your discontent. You are DOING things but maybe you need to select and to do things mindfully rather than just picking things up and throwing them down in disgust? You're going through the motions which is both a symptom and the illness itself.

You come here ostensibly seeking some kind of advice or comfort but imperiously reject 99% of it. Is there no one in your own experience who can counsel you or would you be too embarrassed to even consider it? Obviously none of us know you well enough to say anything you can't scoff at.
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Old 02-18-2017, 08:51 AM
Location: SW Florida
10,304 posts, read 4,878,472 times
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Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Spend time with your wife! Go out and do something together that you both enjoy. Re-kindle that romance.

You have something right there in front of you that could make your retirement worthwhile.

Why is she killing herself volunteering.

I also find myself getting bored and just passing time. It would be great to have a real companion to go out and explore. Its crazy that I know so many women that just want time away from their husbands. What is up with that?????

But then I think - be careful what I wish for - lol.

Maybe she is killing herself volunteering because she doesn't want to be home with the OP? Maybe they should consider marriage counseling, date night or something to bring them back to a good place in their marriage.

As for the OP - is there something you've always wanted to do but couldn't because you had a job? Maybe now is the time to consider doing it. There are things I've always wanted to do but because of my job, then my husband's terminal illness I couldn't. Now I have nobody to share my bucket list with and not enough money to do what I would like to do.
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Old 02-18-2017, 09:25 AM
519 posts, read 431,110 times
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Don't have the time, or patience, to read the entire thread (even though I'm retired... go figure). With what I did read of OP's posts, I suspect you're just going through some of the ebb and flow of life (notice I do not qualify with "retirement").

Interests change, batteries need to be recharged, pages need to be turned; and, sometimes no matter our best intentions we're just bored with the status quo. Give it time: it will all change if you're paying attention. Some things for the better; others for the worse. But change it will.
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Old 02-18-2017, 09:40 AM
Location: Chicago area
14,412 posts, read 7,932,198 times
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Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
My father was very very busy in retirement. But I've discovered that busyness is not the same as fulfilling.

As to making the adjustments before you retire....there is really no way to do that. I did the best I could. I moved to a place where there is an active Senior College. I moved to a place where the number of retirees is great, and so there are a lot of people here who are near my age, but not many baby boomers yet. I moved to a place which had many of the things I wished that I had where I lived before. The feeling of alienation didn't happen initially. Its something that has only happened over the past year or so of my six years of retirement.

Or maybe your definition of fulfilling needs to change? The good old days are just that. Past tense. I loved being a workaholic. I loved the constant movement, the adrenaline rush of being a part of a team trying to save someones life, and the paychecks. I also loved interacting with intelligent people and the diversity that came along with the job. Now I go skiing for the adrenaline rush or I ride my bike to the point of exhaustion because I'm totally addicted to that endorphine flow. Are you having a problem changing a mind set that was so ingrained?

I'll never forget my rather spontaneous decision to quit my job. It was both terrifying and liberating. Retirement scared the crap out of me. I thought the boredom would kill me, but it hasn't. The first year I would hear the sirens from an ambulance and I'd get that anxious feeling and want to be in the ER. That behavior was habit for decades for me, and every once in awhile I still feel the same way. I was talking to an old coworker from a job I had quit about ten years ago and she told me that they could use me. I thought about it for a nano second and decided that I just didn't want to give up the life I have now.

I can see that you're having a hard time redefining what happiness means to you. Just as I thought I would if I had to stop working. I looked at death on ventilators all day long for a decade at my last job. It became depressing to the point that it made me question what happiness is as well. What helped me detox was spending time with young people. I have many children, teenagers, and young adults in my life and they bring a whole new dimension and perspective to my old way of thinking. Life isn't about waiting to die, it's about living. I love my Friday morning roller skating sessions with the seniors. I watched two of them in their 80's do a dance together on the rink and I just couldn't get over how beautiful they looked together. My skating skills will never be at that level, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it anyway.

You can change your perspective dear one. Try and stop looking behind you and look at what's in front of you instead. I highly recommend spending time with young people. They can take you in all kinds of crazy directions. I was on some roller coasters last month with a young friend. Talk about high octane fun. I never expected to take up roller skating and ice skating in my 50's either. Hopefully I'll be doing it well into my 80's like those sexy seniors I see every Friday. One is 92 Amazing.
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