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Old 02-16-2017, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Close to an earthquake
890 posts, read 678,100 times
Reputation: 2390

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Whatever it is you say that you want to do when you retire are the things you should be doing now and before you retire. It may be tougher to do these things to the extent that you can when retired, but if they're really things that make you thrive to live, now rather than later is when you need to do them.

I figured this out long ago once when reading a newspaper article where a famous physician was being interviewed about his upcoming retirement. He was asked what he would be doing when retired. He replied that he was going to play golf and that it was something he was looking forward to because he hadn't played in over 35 years!

"How does he know he'll like playing golf?" was my thought. And that thought, along with reading that he hadn't played golf in over 35 years, inspired me to do things now rather than later. I was in my early 40's at the time. So I did.

For the next ten or so years, my wife and children took great extended trips to Hawaii and Western Europe, probably seven trips in a ten-year period with the latter trips being just my wife and I because the kiddos were grown-up and gone. Those were great memories that I still cherish today and included spending New Years' Eve in London twice and attending Christmas Eve Midnight Mass at St. Peter's at the Vatican.

Had we waited until I retired, those trips wouldn't have taken place because of health issues of my wife. I believe this is what happens to many who wait until retirement to do the things that make them thrive.

So when I retire, I'll be able to sit in a rocking chair enjoying the many pleasant memories of the great places visited and things done while, perhaps vicariously living through who waited until they retired telling me about the great travels they are finally able to take.

I believe over a long and health life, most people do the same things, it's just the timing that differs. Can't prove it without a doubt but this is what I believe.
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Old 02-16-2017, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,676,966 times
Reputation: 35449
So many things to do out there when you don't have to spend time in one place all day at the job. But they don't come to you. If one thing doesn't work for you try something else and something else again. Life's full off stuff to do.

Retirement is the time to explore.
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Old 02-16-2017, 02:53 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,828,996 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
The above was an example of one of three situations I joined that were just like that. I've given up
Volunteer organizations are happy to have me for mindless grunt work. But I am an excessively educated person who was a professional counseling psychologist for 33 years+, and I simply don't do well volunteering in ways where people don't care about my background, training, and experience, and only want me to do some simple job that any 4th grader could do.
Why don't you volunteer your services to a women's shelter or something like that? Trust me, men or women leaving an abusive situation need PLENTY of counseling.

Since shelters generally don't have a lot of funding, I'm sure your services would be appreciated.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,676,966 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
You can move to a place that has everything you are looking for or you can keep complaining.
That's what I did and it really worked. I had a couple of false starts but I kept at it and eventually succeeded.

People should remember it took a whole big chunk of their lifetime to acquire whatever it is that kept them busy whether it's with friends or family or whatever along with their obligations like work. Retirement is like a new life with no job no kids at home if you had them, and sometimes no old friends.

It takes a while and it takes an effort to create a new life under new circumstances if that's the goal.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:13 PM
 
4,315 posts, read 2,527,661 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
I'm not bored either. I have found that people either understand the anomie I experience or they don't.

I do all the things thst you suggested, several times a week. When I was working I was gifted to have 6 weeks of vacation a year and traveled all over the USA and Europe. Some people can be satisfied with those things. However i spent my working life helping people directly with their emotional and mental struggles. Its very hard to find a way to volunteer to do that unless you live in a big city, which I do not. And for me, I cannot be satisfied jut doing things for me; I have to do things for others in increase their skills in managing their lives.

I have a friend who bought a place next to a golf course, when part of the deal was that he could play whenever he wanted to. He's now in his 80's and has literally played almost everyday since he was 65.

I have another friend who did that and in about 6 month he was so tired of playing golf that he sold the house and moved away.

I've always been a night owl. Now I just get a bit more sleep since I can stay in bed until 9, and still get enough sleep after going to bed at 1:00 because i got involved in some book or something online.
........(.first sentence )


"I'm not bored either "


Go back and re-read your OP where you said your father talked about ......"a boring life ".. and you stating you now know what he meant.




Maybe re-read it before you talk about people not understanding you and your contradicting of your own OP !
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:22 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,454,205 times
Reputation: 13714
I think a poor marriage would be especially emotionally painful in retirement, due to being around the house more with many hours per day to interact, if both are retired, or leaving one or both emotionally desolate within the marriage.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,813,737 times
Reputation: 4436
Quote:
Originally Posted by PartIrish View Post
slyfox2,

Maybe it's time to un-retire. You may be one of those people who finds great meaning in their vocation, and any subsequent avocation pales by comparison. Have you considered returning to work?
I would need to go back to school for about a year or two. My credentials don't transfer directly to my current state. Besides I am doing that, as I said in one of my posts.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,813,737 times
Reputation: 4436
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I think a poor marriage would be especially emotionally painful in retirement, due to being around the house more with many hours per day to interact, if both are retired, or leaving one or both emotionally desolate within the marriage.
I suppose so, except that I've been fairly happily married for 44 years.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,813,737 times
Reputation: 4436
I'm bored in some ways and not in others.

Its possible to be lonely surrounded by people. I am bored surrounded by many many things I enjoy doing.

Going back to work in my previous occupation is not possible without a huge amount of study and courses, which I doubt whether my 68 year old brain could pack more information into.

Its a paradox. However, I have received a number of private posts from people who knew EXACTLY what I was talking about.
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Old 02-16-2017, 04:36 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,454,205 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
I suppose so, except that I've been fairly happily married for 44 years.
You said in your opening post that your wife does not care what you have to say about anything. Were you joking? I took what you said seriously, because not being listened to can be emotionally painful.

I do understand existential angst and ennui.

You also mentioned loneliness. Being lonely in retirement is a common predicament. (you mentioned that one can be lonely in a crowd, without saying that you are, indeed, lonely)

Last edited by matisse12; 02-16-2017 at 05:30 PM..
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