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Old 02-17-2017, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,811,295 times
Reputation: 4436

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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think of the area I'm moving to in retirement (Western Slope of Colorado) and how there are virtually no mental health/detox services. I'm thinking that OP could work on a sliding scale in an area where there is so much need and so few resources, use their expertise and really help people.
I don't need the money. And I'm already doing that right now, like I said. Currently I have 13 clients all around the world who are doing a Ira Progoff type journaling experience with me.

However, to work as you are suggesting would require me to to go back to school, driving an hour each way for classes. My certificates are not good in the state that I live in now. And in the places where I could work and transfer the credentials, there are simply no positions available. The area I am in has an over-abundance of of people who do this kind of work, but the community has no money to pay for it.

That is not an option because of the requirements. Besides I did it for almost 40 years with children and adolescents. I have exceeded the legally allowed number of horrible stories that children are allowed to tell counseling adults. I have stories that are bad enough you would ask me to stop talking. I've been involved in nearly everything that a counseling professional could do, including one of the more famous school shootings in the United States.

Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 02-17-2017, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,811,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blktoptrvl View Post
Sounds like this is something that can easily be cured with a hobby or two.
Would that it was that easy. Shall I catalog my hobbies? I actually have more of them than I know what to do with. Deciding which one to do each day is often an issue. Right now(I mean this very minute) I am participating in two of them.
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Old 02-17-2017, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,811,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I don't see why you can't go back to school and get those credentials. My roommate is 70 and is getting prepped to attend law school soon. He likes the challenge.
Obviously you or your roommate are not me. Of course I could get them. However, your roommate us very unlikely to be able to get a job as a starting out attorney in his mid 70's.

But I would need to drive full hour through winter conditions to get to a school which could offer them. And after I got them, I would not be likely to find a position to use them in. There is an over-abundance of agency counseling professionals in my area now. The cost for getting the credentials would exceed $20,000 which is a lot of money for a guy on a couple of pensions. And since I already have a Master's Degree, I would really need a PhD to do what I did before. That would cost me at least $75,000, and would take more time than I have available, let alone the fact that I don't have that kind of money available.

Thanks for your thoughts, though.
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Old 02-17-2017, 12:18 PM
 
6,313 posts, read 5,055,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
I don't need the money. And I'm already doing that right now, like I said. Currently I have 13 clients all around the world who are doing a Ira Progoff type journaling experience with me.

However, to work as you are suggesting would require me to to go back to school, driving an hour each way for classes. My certificates are not good in the state that I live in now. And in the places where I could work and transfer the credentials, there are simply no positions available. The area I am in has an over-abundance of of people who do this kind of work, but the community has no money to pay for it.

That is not an option because of the requirements. Besides I did it for almost 40 years with children and adolescents. I have exceeded the legally allowed number of horrible stories that children are allowed to tell counseling adults. I have stories that are bad enough you would ask me to stop talking. I've been involved in nearly everything that a counseling professional could do, including one of the more famous school shootings in the United States.

Thanks for your thoughts.
sounds like you might have a type of PTSD? My roommate suffers from this and think that is why he has taken up higher education to keep his mind occupied.

He used to do physical things but that is getting harder to do.
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Old 02-17-2017, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,664,674 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
My father was very very busy in retirement. But I've discovered that busyness is not the same as fulfilling. My father was also a nut case with a number of serious disorders not the least of which might have been an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder.

I'm quite busy, but haven't been able to translate the fulfillment of my working life into something of the same in retirement. Not the least of which is that fact that I struggle with the age problem where people feel that old people don't know anything because they are clearly feeble. And the situation where volunteer positions are limited to grunt work that a 4th grader could do. I also live in an area where all the high level work jobs are taken since the population is small. So unless I moved, those kinds of jobs don't exist for me here. The benefits of a highly scientific community(two major laboratories and a college) doesn't help in that while I have a Master's Degree, nearly all of the high level volunteer positions go to those with a PHD. Every third person here has one. It makes for some really interesting and entertaining things to do, but not a lot of options in participating in the doing.

You win some, you lose some! Life!

As to making the adjustments before you retire....there is really no way to do that. I did the best I could. I moved to a place where there is an active Senior College. I moved to a place where the number of retirees is great, and so there are a lot of people here who are near my age, but not many baby boomers yet. I moved to a place which had many of the things I wished that I had where I lived before. The feeling of alienation didn't happen initially. Its something that has only happened over the past year or so of my six years of retirement.

I have another friend here who is experiencing it also. No matter what I want to do, or try to re-arrange, at age 68 I cannot compete with people who are 28, and the problem is that except for my body, I am still 28 in my mind. I have not accepted that I am elderly now, and as I get older and older I'm discovering its something that constrains me from being the 28 year old that I am inside.

I'm like that Movie BIG with Tom Hanks. I would have to say that 99% of the people that I know are 68 or older. They are definitely not 28 year olds in 68 year old bodies(with the exception of one who is 90 and is actually 22 years old).
That's not what I meant though. I wasn't saying adjustments before you retire. I don't even think that's possible or maybe in a small way. No one can fix what hasn't yet happened. I was saying that if your activities are not making you happy in retirement adjustments need to be made in order to obtain the satisfaction you are seeking.
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Old 02-17-2017, 12:46 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,824,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
I think that 95% of the people here are the people who sat at a desk for 40 years under the thumb of a tyrannical and stupid boss, and who actions in the world or work hardly accomplished anything. For them, the freedom of retirement is everything.

I belong to the other 5%.
So, in essence, you are missing the power and prestige you had while working. You are missing the accolades and appreciation of your work. You are missing the admiration and gratitude you received from your job/your co-workers.

Maybe you should rescue a few shelter dogs. They will always love you. They will always be grateful you are there. They will always be happy to see you.

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Old 02-17-2017, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,811,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fox Terrier View Post
So, in essence, you are missing the power and prestige you had while working. You are missing the accolades and appreciation of your work. You are missing the admiration and gratitude you received from your job/your co-workers.

Maybe you should rescue a few shelter dogs. They will always love you. They will always be grateful you are there. They will always be happy to see you.

NO... that's not what I said. I'm missing the opportunity to be of service to help people on an everyday basis.

I did in fact rescue a shelter dog. Unfortunately you are wrong that they will always be grateful. I have one who is not. He has developed dementia, craps and pees on the floor on a regular basis(twice today already), and often doesn't remember who I am. Besides that, when I hold up three fingers he can't tell me how many are there, nor can he tell me who is running the White House. Although on the second one, I'm not sure anyone knows, so I can fault him for that. And the fact that he cannot play the piano really isn't his fault.
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Old 02-17-2017, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,391 posts, read 7,923,957 times
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I'm sorry but I just can't relate slyfox. I was a zombie workaholic for years until I pulled the plug early and quit at 58 and a half. I missed so much life being a wage slave. Yes I was bored when I spent about ten days on my back two weeks ago being sick, but I wasn't up for doing much else. This week we've been ice skating twice, bowling, and roller skating today. We're taking the bikes out tomorrow to do a 12 mile ride. I'll be starting a new project in the kitchen soon. We're fortunate to live in a place that has a lot of fun things to do at your finger tips. It's up to you how engaged you want to be. I'm not sitting around waiting to die. I'm living life to the fullest for the first time in my life, and loving my freedom from working. I think it helps that we have so many young people in our life. They have a way of keeping you engaged. One of them had me on some roller coasters last month. It was a blast. I'll be leaving this planet kicking and screaming. There's still so much I want to see and do.
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Old 02-17-2017, 01:15 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,824,529 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
NO... that's not what I said. I'm missing the opportunity to be of service to help people on an everyday basis.

I did in fact rescue a shelter dog. Unfortunately you are wrong that they will always be grateful. I have one who is not. He has developed dementia, craps and pees on the floor on a regular basis(twice today already), and often doesn't remember who I am. Besides that, when I hold up three fingers he can't tell me how many are there, nor can he tell me who is running the White House. Although on the second one, I'm not sure anyone knows, so I can fault him for that. And the fact that he cannot play the piano really isn't his fault.
OK, but from the paragraphs I quoted that's what it seemed like to me.

You mentioned something about the movie BIG and how you are 28 in your mind but 68 in body. That I can relate to...I feel the same way. If I happen to catch my face in a mirror I'm always surprised! However, I have come to terms with aging (sort of, haha). My mother, like yours, is also alive at 95 years old. I hope I live so long!

I'm still learning that, 'no, Fox Terrier, you really CAN'T lift that 50 pound bag of concrete like you used to be able to do'. I've done a lot of physically demanding work, despite being a woman (), not for pay but projects around the house. It ticks me off that I can't do as much now because of age. That's something I'm getting used to; we all have to get used to that.

I'm sure you can find a shelter, a hospital, or somewhere you can donate your time to people who would appreciate it. However, on one hand you say you miss the opportunity to be of service but on the other hand you cannot take listening to people's/children's stories anymore. Kind of a mixed message.

LOL at the dog. Poor thing had dementia? Of course he's not going to be grateful if he can't even remember you! Get some younger dogs and teach them some tricks!

Do you have any children/grandchildren? They help a lot!
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Old 02-17-2017, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Idaho
1,454 posts, read 1,155,024 times
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We have been watching quite a few movies made by notable directors focusing on one person at a time (Stanley Kubrick, Federico Fellini, Krzysztof Kieślowski, Andrei Tarkovsky, Ang Lee ...).

The current focus is on Yasujirō Ozu's film making philosophy and technique. We enjoy reading film reviews and analysis after watching each movie. A passage in a review of Ozu's "Early Summer" struck a chord with me in relation to some of the current topics at this retirement forum.

Early Summer / Bakushu / Yasujiro Ozu / 1951 / film review

Quote:
"All things must pass away", the last words uttered by Buddha, encapsulate the essence of Ozu's work. Change is inevitable so why resist it? All that matters is the present moment, the 'eternal now' in which we all live. The past and future are merely an illusion.
Retirement is one of the biggest change in a person's life. The changes, both expected and unexpected, continue to the end of our life and seem to occur at a more rapid pace as we age. Ironically, it's harder and harder for us to adjust, to be flexible. We have become more set or even hardened in our later years.

I am not surprised to see many nostalgic threads about the good old days and protests of the relentless thrust of new technologies on us old fogies.

Existential crisis usually occurs in middle age, but there are many reasons for it to happen in the retirement age group: losing one's job, life identity, purpose, look, health, strength, memory, loved ones etc.

I don't think that there is a single solution to solve everybody's problems be it finding new hobbies, defining new purposes, learning new skills, adopting new diets, exercises, moving to a new place, finding a new life partner etc.

Each one of us just have to search, to learn, to decide whether to actively or passively dealing with changes in our life or even initiating changes, to find a solution fitting our own temperament, emotional/psychological make-up, capability and finance.

I am not a philosophical or very reflective person. However, I think that my "seize the day, just do it" way of living is quite close to the sentiment expressed in these statement " All that matters is the present moment, the 'eternal now' in which we all live. The past and future are merely an illusion."

I just try living one day at a time and prepare just enough for the near future (paying my bills, taxes on time, keeping my annual doctors' appointments, booking next week or next month bird watching sessions, concerts etc.). I am happy and contented for the moment and it is enough for me.

P.S.
I got a rep for discussing about a movie so I think I'd like to give a very high recommendation to movies made by Krzysztof Kieślowski. We have watched many of his movies and absolutely loved Three Colors, The double life of Veronique and Dekalog (series of 10 short movies each was about one of the Ten Commandments).

Last edited by BellaDL; 02-17-2017 at 03:09 PM..
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