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Old 02-16-2017, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,812,950 times
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My father used to say when he had been retired for about 5 years that retirement was just an extremely boring way to wait to die.

When I was working I could never understand this. He's been dead since 2004, and retired in 1980. My mother is 95 and is still waiting.

My wife is working herself to death with volunteer work. Everything I've volunteered for has not turned out well, and I either got dumped or I got tired of being used and quit.

No one really cares what I say about anything, especially the wife.

I find that I do, after 6 years, understand exactly what my father meant.
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Old 02-16-2017, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,744,100 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
My father used to say when he had been retired for about 5 years that retirement was just an extremely boring way to wait to die.

When I was working I could never understand this. He's been dead since 2004, and retired in 1980. My mother is 95 and is still waiting.

My wife is working herself to death with volunteer work. Everything I've volunteered for has not turned out well, and I either got dumped or I got tired of being used and quit.

No one really cares what I say about anything, especially the wife.

I find that I do, after 6 years, understand exactly what my father meant.
Well, Slyfox, you have given voice to one camp in its experience of retirement. I'm so sorry that you have had a number of unsatisfactory experiences at volunteer work. I predict you will be receiving all kinds of suggestions for things to try from people along with glowing descriptions of how full and exciting their lives are in retirement. The latter will hardly make you feel better or make your path easier.

Your tale has reminded me of how fortunate I am to have found gratifying and engaging volunteer work. I emphasize "fortunate" because I cannot claim any special merit, skill, or intelligence which led me to what I now do. Yes, I lucked into it seamlessly. So thanks for your reminder that I should be thankful.

I don't know what you should do, to be honest. Seek out a hobby? Try to get interested in reading? The latter is unlikely to happen if it's not already there at this point in your life. It seems you will have to work hard at creating something if you wish things to be different. Do you have it in you to try a few more volunteer situations despite the discouragement of failed attempts? Think of it this way: what do you have to lose? Best wishes in that regard.
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Old 02-16-2017, 08:02 AM
 
Location: Close to an earthquake
890 posts, read 677,754 times
Reputation: 2390
Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
My father used to say when he had been retired for about 5 years that retirement was just an extremely boring way to wait to die.

When I was working I could never understand this. He's been dead since 2004, and retired in 1980. My mother is 95 and is still waiting.

My wife is working herself to death with volunteer work. Everything I've volunteered for has not turned out well, and I either got dumped or I got tired of being used and quit.

No one really cares what I say about anything, especially the wife.

I find that I do, after 6 years, understand exactly what my father meant.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoy my work but have pressure from my spouse to pull the plug. It's a constant emotional tug of war and related conflict.

Your father's perspective helps explain why so many of us stay riding our work pony, particularly those who are self-employed. Out of curiosity, what did your father do for a living?

Sure volunteer work is an option and it's nice to know so many have found their calling doing this. But for some of us, maybe the self-employed types who really enjoy their profession/trade, volunteer work is like a retired professional boxer who enjoyed the limelight being in the ring but now spends his time shadow boxing at the neighborhood park.
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Old 02-16-2017, 08:46 AM
 
6,260 posts, read 4,737,090 times
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Those who are retired or about to retire have an opportunity to consider the meaning of their lives. Is it about reproducing, raising a family and going to work or is there something more? I found that I could barely wait to retire. I wanted to explore, travel, learn, create, do, experience, and accomplish new things in life.


I do truly feel sorry for those who have no goals and passions in life. I see a great many people who retire and are basically just waiting to die. Many seem to also have just drifted through their lives and retirement is just a continuation of the same.
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:08 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
My father used to say when he had been retired for about 5 years that retirement was just an extremely boring way to wait to die.

When I was working I could never understand this. He's been dead since 2004, and retired in 1980. My mother is 95 and is still waiting.

My wife is working herself to death with volunteer work. Everything I've volunteered for has not turned out well, and I either got dumped or I got tired of being used and quit.

No one really cares what I say about anything, especially the wife.

I find that I do, after 6 years, understand exactly what my father meant.
Spend time with your wife! Go out and do something together that you both enjoy. Re-kindle that romance.

You have something right there in front of you that could make your retirement worthwhile.

Why is she killing herself volunteering.

I also find myself getting bored and just passing time. It would be great to have a real companion to go out and explore. Its crazy that I know so many women that just want time away from their husbands. What is up with that?????

But then I think - be careful what I wish for - lol.
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:17 AM
 
3,944 posts, read 3,264,708 times
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The old saying about living to work, as opposed to working to live, sums up the dilemma of those who indeed did live to work. Work was everything, for some, and in retirement they are truly bored and dissatisfied. I worked to pay my way through life, nothing more--or less. After nine years of retirement I find the days of leisure living a welcome change, when I think of boring, I think of my work and the entire buzz that surrounds most workplaces, I'm happy without all of that.

I'm guessing that many here have found little satisfaction in life, and for a sundry of reasons. When working, these folks had a way to put off that gnawing feeling of wandering through life, sticking to their routines, they float along---Then, they retire, and the unnerving realization of a life lived with no direction is suddenly upon them.

TV watching, eating, sleeping, and that ever present bored feeling, this is the stuff of their days. I'm happy for the time I spent learning things, like playing music, getting back into photography, art work, some writing, and the ever present feeling of contentedness that comes from truly counting your blessings. As a side note: many of those I've described are suffering from some form of depression, A very difficult thing to deal with in a society that doesn't understand the weight of mental health issues.
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Florida -
8,764 posts, read 10,848,423 times
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If every retiree shared the views of your father, mother and yourself - one might conclude that retirement itself was the problem.

Based on several comments in your OP, I suspect your disappointment with life didn't start with retirement. (You may also have 'learned' this attitude from your parents).

Life itself is anything, but boring. However, people with limited imagination and interests often get bored with life. Start by listing the activities or efforts in your life that you have found interesting, challenging or enjoyable. Then, look for activities and pursuits that encompass those things. (You might also want to consider some retirement counseling).
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:35 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831
If you do volunteer, do what I do - just a single event. Don't get too involved. Don't take on any leadership positions.

Its a jungle out there in the volunteer world. I quit one gig, and I hear all kinds of whining from those that have continued. And it's for a darn library. Who knew librarians could be so vicious! LOL
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:36 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12831
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
If every retiree shared the views of your father, mother and yourself - one might conclude that retirement itself was the problem.

Based on several comments in your OP, I suspect your disappointment with life didn't start with retirement. (You may also have 'learned' this attitude from your parents).

Life itself is anything, but boring. However, people with limited imagination and interests often get bored with life. Start by listing the activities or efforts in your life that you have found interesting, challenging or enjoyable. Then, look for activities and pursuits that encompass those things. (You might also want to consider some retirement counseling).
Maybe those that are content are the ones with the limited imaginations and interests?
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,510,190 times
Reputation: 9889
These responses are excellent. OP, you've got to get out there and ''create'' a life, find satisfying activities for yourself, pursue your own interests. ''Life'' does not come to us. We have to go out and make our life what we want it to be.
Start by quitting comparing yourself to your wife. Just because she enjoys volunteer work does not mean you should or should be forced to. Find your own bliss. We never get anywhere by comparing ourselves to others.
Make a list of your own interests: reading, golf, tennis, hiking, cooking, bicycling, wood working, photography, etc. and pursue them on your own or join a club or class to make friends.
Invite your wife to do things and if she declines, then you go do them. Invite her to a movie, to go out to eat, to go for a ride, etc. Create some time as a couple and then have your own interests.
Maybe she is ''so busy'' because you've become a ''stick in the mud''? Think about that! LOL
Get off that couch and make it a point to do something interesting and fun every day. Go get a coffee, hit the library, walk at the park, enjoy your life!
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