U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-08-2017, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
Reputation: 35449

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruzincat View Post
I didn't even read the first word.
Well I did try to get through it but there seemed to be a point where I came to the conclusion it was a sort of thread hijacking so I didn't bother to finish because of that and because it was unreadable.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-17-2017, 10:48 AM
 
Location: California
8 posts, read 6,536 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Many here are in the boat alone. There are numerous threads discussing this topic. Were there any specific questions you wanted to ask or advice you needed? Lots of helpful folks would be able to advise you.
As I am successfully navigating these challenging waters, I am happy to share my experiences with others who struggle and suffer
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-19-2017, 05:39 PM
 
4,312 posts, read 1,280,682 times
Reputation: 3392
I think this becomes more important when you're older and retired. Before that, we're so busy working there wouldn't be a lot of time for family anyway.

When I was young my parents divorced, and my father remarried and moved thousands of miles away. Soon after, my brother moved thousands of miles in the other direction. Then my sister moved far away. The only close relative that stayed near me was my mother.

At least I had my mother. But when she became disabled I was alone with the responsibility. It caused friction between me and my brother and sister, because they didn't want to come here often to help me. They only came once a year.

Our mother died a couple of years ago, so now I have no relatives near me at all. Fortunately I have friends to celebrate some of the holidays with, and I have a pretty good social life.

But I still miss having a close family, and I always did. No, maybe it would not have been as lovely as I imagine.

Now I am semi-retired and I finally have time to visit them. The used to often ask me to visit, when I didn't have time. Now they don't ask as much, and I can't tell if they want me to.

Since I stopped working full time I asked my sister if I could visit several times. She isn't close, but closer than the others, and I wouldn't have to fly. She always has an excuse for why I shouldn't come. That made me feel awful, since I don't know the real reason.

Maybe everyone is getting old and sick and tired, I don't know. Recently my father sent an email asking us all to visit. It's in a foreign country and hard to get to. I should try to go.

I think it is very sad that people move around so much and think nothing of leaving their close relatives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-20-2017, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,535,380 times
Reputation: 27581
Many times this is not possible due to job requirements and such. I enjoy being close to my family, but understand it may not always be possible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-22-2017, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
I think it is very sad that people move around so much and think nothing of leaving their close relatives.
It's only sad when people have to move around because of their life's circumstances, like jobs, needing a lower COL, health reasons etc and they don't want to leave their close relatives. We all have to do things we would rather not do for whatever reasons. That's when all considerations must be weighed.

But it's definitely not sad if they are moving away from an abusive family or when they just feel life will be better for them elsewhere.

Everyone has different reasons for what they do according to their needs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-22-2017, 11:12 AM
 
Location: California
8 posts, read 6,536 times
Reputation: 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
The first thing you have to realize is that there is no such place as a Perfect World. Please stop looking for it.

It sounds like your mother is very ill mentally/emotionally. From what I read in your long post is she is incapable of love, her problem and not yours.

My suggestion to you is to let go of the "family" and find a decent counselor. You need to learn how to love and respect yourself. You do not deserve to be treated so poorly but you accept it because you are not loving yourself.

There is much more I could write but I won't. I am not a counselor but I've seen a lot of counselors. I've learned a lot from them.

You requested your mother to not send those videos because of how they make you feel. She interpreted that in a way that is her problem, not yours. You need to learn how to separate all of that.

Take care of yourself loycer. Take the focus off your mother and other family. Start with a medical doctor who can talk to you and hopefully refer you to a counselor that specializes in the problem you have.

It is not a shameful thing to go to counseling. Lots of people see them for many different reasons. You deserve a better life where you can feel like a whole person and love yourself enough that you don't need to pursue love from someone who cannot give it to you.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you do this.

MY mother is deceased. I lead an active life and mentor a younger friend; oversee my property and animals and maintain an upbeat/positive outlook. The world is "perfect" when we are pleased with our choices and I am
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top