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I went to see my grandmother this evening, and she always has juicy gossip about the other family members. One of my uncles is 58 and has two children - 36 year old son, 39 year old daughter. The daughter has her own daughter, who is now 18, and the son has a baby and one on the way.
Daughter's and partner's employer closed down a couple months ago, and they're broke. Her and her girlfriend are being evicted. Granddaughter is working at Home Depot and the daughter and her girlfriend are getting unemployment, but it's not enough. Uncle reluctantly let them move in. Uncle is very religious and doesn't approve of the lesbian relationship (the two women have been together for at least five years), but doesn't want to see them homeless.
Son lost his job before Christmas and is just doing temp work. Wife is still working, but works at a nonprofit and doesn't make much. Their lease ends in May and they want to move in with uncle. He has the one baby and another on the way. They've always struggled financially. I had debt collectors calling me looking for my cousin at one point.
Uncle was looking to retire in a couple of years. His wife is several years older than him and already retired. They are comfortable but not wealthy by any means. Grandmother is concerned this is going to impact uncles retirement, and that he's going to end up supporting them significantly.
At worst, this is going to be uncle, his wife, daughter and her girlfriend, the granddaughter, one (maybe two) babies, and son/wife under the roof.
Did a crisis with your children impact your retirement?
I went to see my grandmother this evening, and she always has juicy gossip about the other family members. One of my uncles is 58 and has two children - 36 year old son, 39 year old daughter. The daughter has her own daughter, who is now 18, and the son has a baby and one on the way.
Daughter's and partner's employer closed down a couple months ago, and they're broke. Her and her girlfriend are being evicted. Granddaughter is working at Home Depot and the daughter and her girlfriend are getting unemployment, but it's not enough. Uncle reluctantly let them move in. Uncle is very religious and doesn't approve of the lesbian relationship (the two women have been together for at least five years), but doesn't want to see them homeless.
Son lost his job before Christmas and is just doing temp work. Wife is still working, but works at a nonprofit and doesn't make much. Their lease ends in May and they want to move in with uncle. He has the one baby and another on the way. They've always struggled financially. I had debt collectors calling me looking for my cousin at one point.
Uncle was looking to retire in a couple of years. His wife is several years older than him and already retired. They are comfortable but not wealthy by any means. Grandmother is concerned this is going to impact uncles retirement, and that he's going to end up supporting them significantly.
At worst, this is going to be uncle, his wife, daughter and her girlfriend, the granddaughter, one (maybe two) babies, and son/wife under the roof.
Did a crisis with your children impact your retirement?
The son, daughter and partner need to find jobs and their own homes. Might mean they have to move out of the area to do so -- like you did a few years ago and like many young adults do and have done since forever.
Beware you don't let this become your problem. You already have your hands full with your own family.
Might mean they have to move out of the area to do so...
The theory is sound but pretty much every job that actually needs doing has someone doing it.
This is especially so at the no/low skill end of the job spectrum.
Even if these people have some truly useful skill...
it's had to find any place that doesn't already have more than enough already doing it.
The good news is that they are trying to be self-sufficient. The bad news is that jobs can be very hard to get for most of citizens.
Putting these together I can see helping your relatives if you can. Sounds like the problems maybe bigger than the Uncle can handle as the living arrangement could last months or maybe years.
I think the kids have to go to the local social welfare office and ask for help from the tax payers. I do not think the retirement status enters into the question.
If resources were not limited then I could see trying to help, but not by having them all move into his home.
A friend is delaying her retirement three years because of her now 26 year old daughter. Her daughter starts college but then drops out after a few months, moves to a larger city for a job but then quits, had a baby, gets her mom to buy her a car, and tries college again or another job with the same results. The daughter and her little girl are now living with mom and she has seen a therapist for a year now but does not seem to make much progress - I don't know if the problem is depression or what. My friend has borrowed money to pay for all of this and is delaying retirement until she can pay off the loans.
What uncle needs to do is make it less attractive to stay with him, than find another option.
I'm so glad you're here! Please be sure and clean the toilets every day. I have exploding diarrhea and I am so glad you are here to clean the toilets for me now.
What no food? Oh yeah, well, I go out to eat by myself every day, sorry can't pay for anyone else.
No, can't afford cable or internet. It would be great to have it, though! Glad you can pay for it!
The lawn will need to be mowed once a week. So glad you're here to do that for me in exchange for free rent.
Etc., etc. Just make it no fun at all to stay. Don't provide the things they want. No internet. Put a lock on the thermostat. No TV. Keep bugging them to clean, do the yard, etc., etc. They'll move.
I see this frequently with single mothers in their 60's and 70's. Adult never-do-well children in their 30's and 40's, living in the household, often with 100% support. Family living arrangements are their business, but I think the children are being done a disservice. At this late date, the damage is irreversible. If the parent was of the means where the children could continue said lifestyle with an inheritance, it would be less of a problem. Unless there's money in the mattress, I don't see this as the case. The money stops when the parent dies. Suddenly you have 50-somethings with little or no work history, cast out into the world, and likely seeking the taxpayer's dime.
I think the difference today is with the number of single parent households, and the bleeding heart parenting that goes with it. For those of us raised with a World War II father in the household, such behavior was unthinkable. They wouldn't throw you out at 18, but life would be made so unbearable, that the realities of the outside world paled in comparison. It was an easy decision.
Tough love. Throw them out and give them a wake up call.
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