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Old 03-12-2017, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,688,776 times
Reputation: 35449

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Here's a conversation I overheard on the bus when I was in my thirties. I never forgot it because I thought it was a very good example of people looking at marriage arriving at opposite conclusions.

There were two elderly ladies sitting on the bus in front of me. I could hear their conversation about being widowed. One said, "I had a horrible marriage. I would never marry again." The other woman responded, "I had a great marriage but I never want to marry again."

The first woman went on to say her marriage was unhappy and she wouldn't want to take the chance of the possibility of being in another unhappy marriage. The second lady said her marriage was wonderful. Her husband was great but she didn't want to take a chance on marrying again because she didn't think a second marriage could ever live up to the first.

I don't know really what the take-away from this is but for what it's worth, I think it's interesting you have two different people coming up with the same conclusion as the result of two opposite circumstances.
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Old 03-12-2017, 12:01 PM
 
6,330 posts, read 5,072,656 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Here's a conversation I overheard on the bus when I was in my thirties. I never forgot it because I thought it was a very good example of people looking at marriage arriving at opposite conclusions.

There were two elderly ladies sitting on the bus in front of me. I could hear their conversation about being widowed. One said, "I had a horrible marriage. I would never marry again." The other woman responded, "I had a great marriage but I never want to marry again."

The first woman went on to say her marriage was unhappy and she wouldn't want to take the chance of the possibility of being in another unhappy marriage. The second lady said her marriage was wonderful. Her husband was great but she didn't want to take a chance on marrying again because she didn't think a second marriage could ever live up to the first.

I don't know really what the take-away from this is but for what it's worth, I think it's interesting you have two different people coming up with the same conclusion as the result of two opposite circumstances.
Yes, I can see how that can happen.
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Old 03-12-2017, 01:35 PM
 
4,776 posts, read 6,623,040 times
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If my husband goes first I will not seek to marry again. It would take a "burning bush" to convince me to do so.
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Old 03-12-2017, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Idaho
1,456 posts, read 1,158,299 times
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From a view point of a woman who has been happily married for almost 40 years, I see many more advantages of being married than being single and old.

There are a lot more to a marriage and living with another person than just the financial aspect of shared expenses. For me, it is priceless to have a lifelong friend, a companion, a partner to share both the joy and the burden of living.

Of course there are tradeoffs, sometimes we have to make some compromises. Then, the probability of having to take care of the other person increases with ages. However, taking care of someone we love and care about and mutual dependency exists for both blood and non-blood tie relationships.

I certainly understand the viewpoints of people who had experienced bad marriages or relationships. One should not be married just because it is expected by society. I also understand seeing marriage from a business, financial point of view especially in this stage of our life when we are no longer young, romantic, idealistic and driven by hormones ;-) Financial considerations were far from my thoughts when I decided to get married in my early twenty. However, if something ever happens to my husband and if I decide to remarry again, the decision will be based on the spreadsheet calculations. Being a sentimental and romantic at heart, I probably will have a row for feeling with weighted factors besides financial numbers.

Our marriage was not always honey and roses. It took a lot of adjustments in the beginning and continuous improvement in communications and efforts for two persons with extreme opposite personalities (A+++ and B+++ !) to be together for 40 years. However, we share and learn to share many things in common with regards to interests, values and view of the world. Oh, yes, we shared child rearing responsibilities, and now share household duties along with dog/car/plane maintenance.

I have had a good marriage. If something happens to my husband, I may not be able to repeat my success. I may be contented just being single in my old age. However I would not rule out the possibility of finding a good companion or at the minimum a hiking and flying buddy ;-)

Last edited by BellaDL; 03-12-2017 at 02:26 PM..
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Old 03-12-2017, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,688,776 times
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I didn't want to remarry just because the marriage I did have was not a good one. After I was divorced and began dating a bit, I realized that even the nicest guys I really cared about would have probably qualified as good husbands. But I simply didn't want to be married. Had I thought marriage was for me I would have gotten right back on the horse. But I liked being on my own too much to try again.
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Old 03-13-2017, 12:03 PM
 
Location: McLean, VA
790 posts, read 1,612,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tassity22 View Post
I think it's hard to have a spouse when one gets older. Because you might wind up having to take care of the spouse as he/she ages, and it could be very difficult, especially if you are getting older yourself. It's even exhausting for a young person to be a full time caretaker. It can also be very expensive if the person needs long term care. So in many ways, I think elderly people who are single have it good.
100 extra points for this.

My aunt and uncle were married for 40+ years when he decided to dump her for another woman. Well, let me tell you...the "other" woman ended up with only 4 to 5 good years until my ex-uncle became very, very ill. It almost drove her into the poor house, with the medical bills and exhaustion of taking care of him. I doubt she'd do it again, if given the chance.
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Old 03-13-2017, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,685 posts, read 3,256,586 times
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^^^^^^^^^^ I hope your aunt got over what her husband did and went on to have a good life.
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:16 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,037,447 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
To the OP

You need a few hours on the couch as in professional counseling.
And why is that? Because she doesn't feel the need for a man?
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Old 03-14-2017, 01:02 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,242 posts, read 2,091,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
And why is that? Because she doesn't feel the need for a man?
Yeah.. ..what the heck did that mean?
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Old 03-14-2017, 10:37 AM
 
Location: USA
1,815 posts, read 2,245,535 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Thank goodness it wasn't that way at our house. I had five brothers. They all know how to cook, clean and iron! My mom made sure of it. As adults they do a lot of the cooking at their homes. Same here with my roommate. He even irons my clothes if needed. He is still a pain though. Lol.

And we are Hispanic, so you would think the boys would be raised like little kings. But no.
NYGal has a point:


Three brothers (two older, one younger) and they did nothing at home. I had to help cook, wash dishes, fold laundry and I would get so resentful about having to fold their clothes and wash their dishes. Their only chore was dragging the trash can to the curb once a week. My dad couldn't even get them to mow the yard.


My mom got quite the wake up call when I left home the minute I graduated (at 17). One of my brothers lived at home until he was 38, the other lived there until he was 32 and guess who got stuck with all the chores?
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