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I married young - it lasted for 13 years and I've been divorced for 20 years. My ex wasn't all bad - we split the money from the house and he even convinced me a few years later that I should get another house on my own. I hadn't even considered it...why not?
So now I have my own house that'll be paid off in about 10 years and some good retirement savings. Like the OP I'd appreciate a little more financial security and getting to split expenses, and share some travel. But that said, I really don't want to entangle my finances by getting married. My SO lives with me when he works remotely, otherwise he's in a major city a couple hours away and we see each other on weekends - which I actually like a lot! So I appreciate my independence more than getting married - it's enough having a guy around part of the time.
So, sometimes I tell myself -- if I were MARRIED, my rent plus utilities would be only HALF what they are now. And my life would be much EASIER.
So let's just say I convinced Mr. Wrong II, or some other poor sucker, to marry me -- would it be worth it?
My rent + utilities is about $1200/month, and with a husband it would be about $600. $600/month is $5,000/year. That's all I'm really losing, not such a big deal, imo.
And what do I get for that $5,000/year? No one to bicker with. No TV blasting constantly in the background. No one asking me where I'm going and when I'll be back. No one being careless with money and running up the credit cards.
Ok, so what do you think? Is all that worth $5,000/year?
Get a cheaper place to live, cut down on your expenses, stay single, and let go of the past. It's time to move forward and enjoy your freedom.
And who needs a ''Mr Wrong II''? I mean, really. Surround yourself with the ''right'' sort of companionship for occasional dinners out, etc. Or go ''The Golden Girls'' route.
OP, your story could be mine. I would NEVER get married again. Or live with someone again.
My experience with living with men, is that I always had more work and less sleep.
Even if the rent was split 50/50, you can bet the cooking and household chores would not be.
And he'd more likely than not, want sex more often than you would. And you'd be sleeping in the same bed, I'm assuming, which would mean he'd be disturbing your sleep, and you'd be having conversations about him letting you sleep, and feeling guilty about not wanting to, and then maybe he's pouting...
And then there is the snoring factor.
And, negotiating every single blessed thing from sun up to sun down. What to eat for breakfast, what shows to watch on TV, what to buy at the store, where and when to go out for dinner.
When you're used to having time away from other people, being around someone all day and night, is just exhausting - at least it is for me. Even a girlfriend I enjoy. It just seems like you can't even just chop up vegetables to make a meal without answering questions or explaining what you're doing.
Someone who is always surrounded by people probably won't understand why it's exhausting for someone used to just doing what they want without having to negotiate it or explain it all the time.
And then there are all of those little annoying things like not putting a new toilet paper roll on the holder when they use the last bit, not flushing the toilet or putting down the lid, leaving dirty socks in the middle of the room, tooth paste blobs in the sink - or whatever your pet peeves are.
I also keep a really messy house now that I live alone. And I'd feel resentful if someone gave me a hard time about it, and I also didn't feel that person was doing half of the work around the house.
Plus, there's always the possibility that he moves in and loses his job or - becomes disabled. And now, you not only don't have half the rent coming in, but you're now completely responsible and you're his caregiver, too.
So, is all of my freedom worth $5,000/year? HELL Yes!
And no, I don't hate men. I just hate romantic relationships with men.
A roommate would provide the aggravation, but without the love. I think I'll skip that idea.
Not in my experience. The expectations are MUCH different and that changes the entire dynamics. Living with a friend as a roommate is terrific; however, can't imagine doing with someone who wasn't a friend already.
Another thing I like about being single -- sometimes I get so busy there is no time for housework and my place is a disaster. Since I don't have a husband, there is no one to complain.
I am just worried I will die when the place is a mess.
It is Sunday morning and I live alone....your post has given me a big smile, and I have decided to put the vacuum cleaner away and have lunch at my favorite restaurant overlooking the sea.
OP, your story could be mine. I would NEVER get married again. Or live with someone again.
My experience with living with men, is that I always had more work and less sleep.
Even if the rent was split 50/50, you can bet the cooking and household chores would not be.
And he'd more likely than not, want sex more often than you would. And you'd be sleeping in the same bed, I'm assuming, which would mean he'd be disturbing your sleep, and you'd be having conversations about him letting you sleep, and feeling guilty about not wanting to, and then maybe he's pouting...
And then there is the snoring factor.
And, negotiating every single blessed thing from sun up to sun down. What to eat for breakfast, what shows to watch on TV, what to buy at the store, where and when to go out for dinner.
When you're used to having time away from other people, being around someone all day and night, is just exhausting - at least it is for me. Even a girlfriend I enjoy. It just seems like you can't even just chop up vegetables to make a meal without answering questions or explaining what you're doing.
Someone who is always surrounded by people probably won't understand why it's exhausting for someone used to just doing what they want without having to negotiate it or explain it all the time.
And then there are all of those little annoying things like not putting a new toilet paper roll on the holder when they use the last bit, not flushing the toilet or putting down the lid, leaving dirty socks in the middle of the room, tooth paste blobs in the sink - or whatever your pet peeves are.
I also keep a really messy house now that I live alone. And I'd feel resentful if someone gave me a hard time about it, and I also didn't feel that person was doing half of the work around the house.
Plus, there's always the possibility that he moves in and loses his job or - becomes disabled. And now, you not only don't have half the rent coming in, but you're now completely responsible and you're his caregiver, too.
So, is all of my freedom worth $5,000/year? HELL Yes!
And no, I don't hate men. I just hate romantic relationships with men.
Choose better. I've been married 26 years--none of this is an issue. A lot of you are acting like your life became occupied by a hostile entity when you married. It's probably best to abstain from marriage if you regard every interaction with your spouse as tantamount to negotiating the Middle East Peace Accords.
Yes, if you regard marriage as the OP does, staying single is worth any price.
Plus, there's always the possibility that he moves in and loses his job or - becomes disabled. And now, you not only don't have half the rent coming in, but you're now completely responsible and you're his caregiver, too.
This is exactly why you should be with someone for love not money. I don't think it would be easy to care for someone that you don't care about. Your heart won't be in it. And as we age, being the caregiver for the other person will eventually happen.
I've dated since my divorce, but have not run into anyone that would be Mr. Right II. I'm okay financially.
I do miss having male companionship, and having someone to share the finances would be an advantage, but I won't settle. Perhaps a male roommate is the key?
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