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It sounds like the most pathetic thing in the world -- an old single lady. But is it really?
I was married during my twenties, to Mr. Wrong. What a miserable experience that was! When that (mercifully) ended, I fell in love with Mr. Wrong II, who was not willing or able to marry me and make my life heaven.
I had to do everything for myself -- figure out how to make money, decide where to live, get the car fixed, etc., etc. It was not easy and it was not fun, but we are programmed to survive.
I changed careers, went back to school, lived on very little, saved money. It was all difficult but in some ways rewarding, and nice to know I could survive without any help from anyone. Meanwhile, my mother became disabled and I had that responsibility on top of everything else. And my siblings were just what you'd expect -- no help at all!
So now, I am semi-retired, I have friends and hobbies and interests and it's pretty great having some time for things I love doing. Still seeing Mr. Wrong II, maybe once a week, and he still doesn't help much with anything.
So, sometimes I tell myself -- if I were MARRIED, my rent plus utilities would be only HALF what they are now. And my life would be much EASIER.
So let's just say I convinced Mr. Wrong II, or some other poor sucker, to marry me -- would it be worth it?
My rent + utilities is about $1200/month, and with a husband it would be about $600. $600/month is $5,000/year. That's all I'm really losing, not such a big deal, imo.
And what do I get for that $5,000/year? No one to bicker with. No TV blasting constantly in the background. No one asking me where I'm going and when I'll be back. No one being careless with money and running up the credit cards.
Ok, so what do you think? Is all that worth $5,000/year?
That - after all you've managed to overcome and achieve - you actually think of yourself as someone who can only aspire to "convince" "some poor sucker," a "Mr. Wrong," to marry you (and even just to stick around), is hard to believe. It says more about you than it does about marriage.
I think my spouse is lucky to have married me, and vice versa. We do a whole lot more for each other than help pay the rent and utilities.
I am the same way only male. Not married. A few Mrs Wrongs along the way but fortunately I found out before we did anything stupid like get married.
What is the big deal about getting married at our age? I do not get it. If the relationship is good enough to keep and you can save some money on it, a reasonable business-like framework can be used to support the otherwise desirable personal relationship. Keep finances separate. Aa far as the bickering and other personal give and take of having to put up with someone... I am against those things myself but others might find them acceptable.
But more directly to your point: Is all that worth 600 bucks a month/ 5000 bucks a year?
That - after all you've managed to overcome and achieve - you actually think of yourself as someone who can only aspire to "convince" "some poor sucker," a "Mr. Wrong," to marry you (and even just to stick around), is hard to believe. It says more about you than it does about marriage.
I think my spouse is lucky to have married me, and vice versa. We do a whole lot more for each other than help pay the rent and utilities.
Note: If I sound cynical it's because I am -- 20 years of being responsible for my disabled mother taught me that family relationships mean nothing, and when life goes bad you are on your own.
And where was Mr. Wrong while I struggled to survive in misery, with no time for anything but work and chores? Not helping me, that's for sure.
But I try to forget all those bad things. I hate to say it but after my mother died, only a year ago, I have more peace of mind. Even though of course I miss her, and she was a very loving mother. But I don't miss the constant guilt, and being criticized by my siblings who were either nasty or neglectful the whole time.
I try not to think about it, but the result is I probably have not entirely processed all that happened. Please don't advise me to get a therapist. Time is the best medicine.
But I guess I have to admit I am still angry at my sister. She is the most self-righteous arrogant person I know -- well, almost. Had every excuse you can imagine for not helping with our mother.
single/living alone for a long time, retired for a much shorter time. moved away from family. wouldn't change a thing.
Ding! Ding!
The closest I have been to family since I retired is about 1200 miles.
I think of them..... often..... Yeah... that's the ticket
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