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Old 03-20-2017, 07:27 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,494 posts, read 62,152,821 times
Reputation: 32168

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
If you choose to live alone and you died,
how long would it take for somebody to notice?
This is the example that divides the line between the "recluse" the thread asks about
versus the less extreme examples of "living alone" or "independently" that most comments refer to.

The latter is often, or can generally be, a healthy choice in lifestyle.
The other implies deeper issues few of which can be considered as part of a healthy choice.
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Old 03-20-2017, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,661,739 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
As for dining out, as I've explained in other threads (inevitably bold solo diners pipe up suggesting that only some horrible insecurity keeps anyone from participating in this rewarding activity), I prefer to just order take-out or delivery and eat alone in the comfort of my own home or in some relaxing natural setting -- weather permitting -- rather than surrounded by noisily chatting couples and/or groups. Please notice that all of the tables in restaurants are invariably set for two, four, or more. I have always considered that a "social event," much like waltzing in a ballroom, and so I would simply not bother doing so alone any more than I would stand up at a wedding and begin swaying all by myself. However, I DO go to movies alone. You're supposed to watch the movie; not converse.
Fair enough. I don't think who those who don't care for dining alone are insecure. Different strokes.

For me when I dine alone I enjoy people watching. Not staring of course.

In lieu of people watching I'll bring my Kindle to read. Or sometimes I'll

use my phone to go on the Internet and log onto CD.
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Old 03-20-2017, 12:32 PM
 
7,798 posts, read 4,385,889 times
Reputation: 11589
But again, if you're just reading or surfing the net (I don't know how you can "people-watch" without staring; I wouldn't want anyone "people-watching" me while I try to eat my dinner and/or have a conversation with someone), what's the point of being in a restaurant? That's why I get take-out or delivery; so I can go to a park and "people-watch" or go home and read or surf the net (or more likely watch TV, since I can do that hands-free). I simply don't see the point of it. But different strokes!
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Old 03-20-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,086 posts, read 12,470,641 times
Reputation: 26110
I'm not alone, I have two dogs. They don't try to change me, steal my money, or get mad when I go fishing.
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Old 03-20-2017, 01:14 PM
 
5,423 posts, read 2,822,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
But again, if you're just reading or surfing the net (I don't know how you can "people-watch" without staring; I wouldn't want anyone "people-watching" me while I try to eat my dinner and/or have a conversation with someone), what's the point of being in a restaurant? That's why I get take-out or delivery; so I can go to a park and "people-watch" or go home and read or surf the net (or more likely watch TV, since I can do that hands-free). I simply don't see the point of it. But different strokes!
Eating out in a restaurant has appeal for other reasons besides just getting food or people watching. It is a change of setting from home, and it allows trying foods that you don't want to or cannot cook at home (for example, I wouldn't do any deep-fat frying at home or roasting a large cut of meat).

Not all restaurants provide takeout, and some foods are best eaten immediately.

Just because YOU see no reason to eat out alone in a restaurant doesn't mean other people feel the same way.
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Old 03-20-2017, 02:21 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,430 posts, read 1,666,491 times
Reputation: 8663
I had a week long training course in San Jose years before I retired. What good memories I have of that week, no responsibilities other than myself. No mother, wife or pet duties: sheer bliss!

There were usually a few people in for the training sessions, but I was the only one that week. I wasn't going back to my suite every evening with take out. I hadn't been to California before and wanted to see as much as I could outside of class. I drove to Half Moon Bay one evening and ended up at a restaurant where a woman and her daughter at the next table invited me to a concert when they learned I was on my own.

I didn't feel awkward at all going to restaurants by myself and didn't bury myself in a book or phone, I enjoyed just being there. I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge and ended up getting lost and found myself in Sausalito and another nice restaurant. I was too old, even then, to be hit on by foreign sailors at Fisherman's wharf, so I ate by myself again.

I'd much rather be outside or doing something than being inside if I have a choice. I don't consider myself an extrovert or introvert, but I have remained an open and approachable person through the years.

Last edited by jean_ji; 03-20-2017 at 02:53 PM..
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Old 03-21-2017, 06:40 PM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,659,551 times
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Well I guess I'm Mr Rationals unhealthy recluse. It doesn't bother me personally, I like it. I travel some and do everything on myown. But I tend to let his and the world's pop psychology we must all be the same BS message make
me worry about myself. IDK why, I'm pretty happy on my own but I end up taking on other
peoples judgement. I have lots of problems with other people and their choices and feel like
I'm a good person comparatively so...screw it.
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Old 03-22-2017, 07:00 AM
 
7,798 posts, read 4,385,889 times
Reputation: 11589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
Well I guess I'm Mr Rationals unhealthy recluse. It doesn't bother me personally, I like it. I travel some and do everything on myown. But I tend to let his and the world's pop psychology we must all be the same BS message make
me worry about myself. IDK why, I'm pretty happy on my own but I end up taking on other
peoples judgement. I have lots of problems with other people and their choices and feel like
I'm a good person comparatively so...screw it.
I actually tried to research the psychological effects of social isolation (and didn't find much; maybe another potential thread topic?) because I was so worried about what would befall me when I found my connections with the world going from "60 to 0," as it were. We've been grimly warned about everything from cancer to insanity. So far, I'm managing to hang on? I do enjoy having intimate relationships and hope to again one day, as I believe that loving and being loved is an important part of the human experience, part of our intellectual and spiritual path in life, and one that makes living much more rewarding, but I've never been one to actively seek others out or impose myself on them. Once my "natural alliances" died out, I was left with myself, and that's okay. If I eventually meet others with whom an organic mutual attraction arises, I'll socialize with people. If not, I know I'll survive. As I say, it's for sure a lot more peaceful -- with a lot less drama -- this way!

Last edited by otterhere; 03-22-2017 at 07:09 AM..
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Old 03-22-2017, 07:09 AM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,659,551 times
Reputation: 10473
I see the social isolation is devastating everyday in the media. It is relentless although I don't understand why. And I think those assumptions, not stated, are often tied to aging. If you think about it many farmers, ranchers, trappers, miners etc. lived lives of more or less isolation. Farmers had family but as they aged and stayed on the farm no. And even many of those small families didn't see many other people. And of course the elderly are often on their own in cities. Do they really suffer depression, heard disease and high blood pressure from being alone or just being old? Many many animal species spend most of their lives alone. Granted primates tend to have a social group. IDK I feel fine but that relentless message always winds me up.
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Old 03-22-2017, 07:19 AM
 
7,798 posts, read 4,385,889 times
Reputation: 11589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
I see the social isolation is devastating everyday in the media. It is relentless although I don't understand why. And I think those assumptions, not stated, are often tied to aging. If you think about it many farmers, ranchers, trappers, miners etc. lived lives of more or less isolation. Farmers had family but as they aged and stayed on the farm no. And even many of those small families didn't see many other people. And of course the elderly are often on their own in cities. Do they really suffer depression, heard disease and high blood pressure from being alone or just being old? Many many animal species spend most of their lives alone. Granted primates tend to have a social group. IDK I feel fine but that relentless message always winds me up.
If you're a believer in social engineering (not to sound like a crazy recluse or anything), the danger of folks thinking for themselves is greater in isolation. Note that in the dystopian novel "1984" -- or was it "Brave New World"? -- one of the principles was never letting anyone be alone with his or her own thoughts; distract them with screens on every wall (or now in every hand?) and always make sure they're in groups; better for "group think." But good point.
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