U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-22-2017, 11:14 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,765,919 times
Reputation: 32309

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
Not to ascribe to Trumps idea of fake news however a lot of so called research is actually not. Or is based on really old studies, or is based on sample sizes so tiny as to be meaningless.
I honestly wouldn't believe a thing in those links unless I research where they got their data, how they got it, how the study was put together, extrapolated et. etc. etc.
I know I've never been included in a study but i'm pretty sure I would skew their numbers
It's a cheap shot to denigrate the studies cited by poster Matisse12 before having read them. It would be one thing to criticise the studies one by one for various specific short-comings but it's quite another thing to reject them all ahead of time based on generic short-comings of poor research. Sort of analogous to refusing to eat at a restaurant you've never tried because you just know the food will be bad. Or refusing to read a book being recommended to you by a friend because you "know" ahead of time you won't like it.

I think you would have a much stronger argument to reason that no matter what the "proof" that social isolation is unhealthy, you are part of a minority who can thrive on it and that your own experience is the "proof" of that. I would find that argument both irrefutable and fascinating.

I know some people don't like even brief encounters with others, such as we have with cashiers at a supermarket. They seek out self check-out lines. I wish someone would describe the discomfort they feel in checking out with a human cashier. I mean try to describe it in detail. I would be really interested in hearing such a description. (And no, I am not suggesting that you, Giesela, are part of the group which doesn't like to interface with cashiers. I realize there are different degrees of reclusiveness.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-23-2017, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
9,013 posts, read 7,774,270 times
Reputation: 12262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
My wife went off to California for a week to attend a wedding "shower".

So I'm left alone with the dogs. Dogs, like me, are simple creatures, we get along just fine.

But it sure is quiet around here.

I miss conversation and doing things with her. I find it tedious to cook just for myself. It also makes me think of what I would do if she dies first. I don't think I would like living alone. But I also don't think I would re-marry.

When you are left alone do you enjoy the solitude or do you really miss your spouse?
My wife died 11/15 and I have lived alone since and I intend to keep it that way. I keep busy. I play golf 2-3 times a week. I usually leave the house everyday to run errands. I talk to 2-3 people per night (family and friends). Non-golf days I typically go out for a late breakfast (about noon) thus I am not hungry until that evening. I do cook for myself but I keep it very simple (steak, baked potato like simple) and I also do take out several nights per week as in Chinese last night. I found a local restaurant that sells a wide variety of frozen casseroles (single and family size) so I keep few of those in the freezer at all times.

I have an arrangement with a young, single mother (FWB) that takes care of my sexual desires. We see each other about 3-4 times per month. She often spends a night a month at my place.

I most certainly miss my wife. I dream and think about her quite often. That said, I would never remarry and I do not even want a full time lady friend. The only thing I could see myself doing different would be having a lady friend but we would each have our own life and homes. Maybe spend a night or so week at each others place and share trips together but not in each others face all the time. I am not looking for such but if it comes my way, fine. If it does not come my way, fine.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2017, 02:35 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,765,919 times
Reputation: 32309
Like most threads, this one has drifted quite a bit. I just re-read the original post, which was about the OP's wife being gone for a week. He was asking whether people miss their spouses under such conditions, so the "being alone" in the thread title was a strictly temporary condition.


Lots of us have responded in the thread who are divorced (not re-married), widowed, or never-married and we live alone. That is a more or less permanent condition. Among those, some have plenty of social and human contact despite living alone, while others are socially isolated, frequently by their own desire. It is the latter group which interests me; for one reason I didn't realize there were so many of them. (I am in the live-alone-but-not-socially-isolated group).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2017, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,252 posts, read 54,712,832 times
Reputation: 66772
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Nothing sadder than asking for a table for one? There's a million things sadder. Especially because this is not sad at all.
For those of us not lucky enough to be part of a couple, it's neither unusual nor sad. I go out to eat by myself fairly regularly. Although it's nice to have company for dinner, too, I'm glad in a way not to have the attitude that my own company is too "sad" to enjoy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2017, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,252 posts, read 54,712,832 times
Reputation: 66772
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Like most threads, this one has drifted quite a bit. I just re-read the original post, which was about the OP's wife being gone for a week. He was asking whether people miss their spouses under such conditions, so the "being alone" in the thread title was a strictly temporary condition.


Lots of us have responded in the thread who are divorced (not re-married), widowed, or never-married and we live alone. That is a more or less permanent condition. Among those, some have plenty of social and human contact despite living alone, while others are socially isolated, frequently by their own desire. It is the latter group which interests me; for one reason I didn't realize there were so many of them. (I am in the live-alone-but-not-socially-isolated group).
^Same here. Sometimes I get so busy that I seek a bit of solitude!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2017, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,576,166 times
Reputation: 16777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Like most threads, this one has drifted quite a bit. I just re-read the original post, which was about the OP's wife being gone for a week. He was asking whether people miss their spouses under such conditions, so the "being alone" in the thread title was a strictly temporary condition.


Lots of us have responded in the thread who are divorced (not re-married), widowed, or never-married and we live alone. That is a more or less permanent condition. Among those, some have plenty of social and human contact despite living alone, while others are socially isolated, frequently by their own desire. It is the latter group which interests me; for one reason I didn't realize there were so many of them. (I am in the live-alone-but-not-socially-isolated group).
Mom said once, when I was a kid, that I was a loner. I enjoyed my friends, but she saw the really intense times when I was doing something myself. We tried social things. I wasn't enthusiastic. I had a few really good friends in highschool who were the same odd branch of the tree. Mostly where all you see is very normal types, I smile and move on.

My dream is to find people deeply into crafts and art, writing and science fiction fandom. These are my deep passions. I can have regular people around or not. It really doesn't matter.

As I've gotten older, turning 65 in May, I've discovered I have myrad ways to entertain myself. I'd love a friend who like to sit and stitch while I worked on mine, who can appreciate the work and trade ideas. Or is deeply into science fiction fandom, and would enjoy cons and the fanish world as much as I do, or loves to write and we could trade for reviews.

If all you talk about is sports.... I hate sports. I may be sitting there but the brain has disconnected from it.

I have lived alone for ten years. I can't imagine sharing a space all the time. A good friend who shares a lot with me, I'd spend time with them but give me my empty except of humans space to recharge.

Four legged roommates don't count though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2017, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,864 posts, read 4,977,192 times
Reputation: 17353
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
My wife died 11/15 and I have lived alone since and I intend to keep it that way. I keep busy. I play golf 2-3 times a week. I usually leave the house everyday to run errands. I talk to 2-3 people per night (family and friends). Non-golf days I typically go out for a late breakfast (about noon) thus I am not hungry until that evening. I do cook for myself but I keep it very simple (steak, baked potato like simple) and I also do take out several nights per week as in Chinese last night. I found a local restaurant that sells a wide variety of frozen casseroles (single and family size) so I keep few of those in the freezer at all times.

I have an arrangement with a young, single mother (FWB) that takes care of my sexual desires. We see each other about 3-4 times per month. She often spends a night a month at my place.

I most certainly miss my wife. I dream and think about her quite often. That said, I would never remarry and I do not even want a full time lady friend. The only thing I could see myself doing different would be having a lady friend but we would each have our own life and homes. Maybe spend a night or so week at each others place and share trips together but not in each others face all the time. I am not looking for such but if it comes my way, fine. If it does not come my way, fine.
I think this is a good solution of how to deal with suddenly being left alone for good. He doesn't just say isolated, he plays golf and meets friends.

I don't think I'd want to remarry either. As for finding a young female part time FWB, that would be a challenge. I'd doubt I could do that.

I've always joked that I'd never be able to train anybody else to put up with me full time. Perhaps that's why most of the respondents in this string have expressed a preference for being alone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2017, 08:00 AM
 
491 posts, read 599,089 times
Reputation: 2095
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
Mom said once, when I was a kid, that I was a loner. I enjoyed my friends, but she saw the really intense times when I was doing something myself. We tried social things. I wasn't enthusiastic. I had a few really good friends in highschool who were the same odd branch of the tree. Mostly where all you see is very normal types, I smile and move on.

My dream is to find people deeply into crafts and art, writing and science fiction fandom. These are my deep passions. I can have regular people around or not. It really doesn't matter.

As I've gotten older, turning 65 in May, I've discovered I have myrad ways to entertain myself. I'd love a friend who like to sit and stitch while I worked on mine, who can appreciate the work and trade ideas. Or is deeply into science fiction fandom, and would enjoy cons and the fanish world as much as I do, or loves to write and we could trade for reviews.

If all you talk about is sports.... I hate sports. I may be sitting there but the brain has disconnected from it.

I have lived alone for ten years. I can't imagine sharing a space all the time. A good friend who shares a lot with me, I'd spend time with them but give me my empty except of humans space to recharge.

Four legged roommates don't count though.
1+

It wouldn't let me rep you again, but your post is pretty much my feeling🤗
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2017, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
9,013 posts, read 7,774,270 times
Reputation: 12262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
I think this is a good solution of how to deal with suddenly being left alone for good. He doesn't just say isolated, he plays golf and meets friends.

I don't think I'd want to remarry either. As for finding a young female part time FWB, that would be a challenge. I'd doubt I could do that.

I've always joked that I'd never be able to train anybody else to put up with me full time. Perhaps that's why most of the respondents in this string have expressed a preference for being alone.
There are plenty of them out there especially when you are polite, kind, and a bit generous....LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-26-2017, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,515,627 times
Reputation: 9889
FWB? Milk with no buying of the cow as they say. You men and your ''needs'' baffle me. Can't imagine that. There's a reason nature gave us hands and long enough arms. Scratch your own itch. That's all I have to say about that! LOL
As for unconditional love? I will always have dogs willing to give and receive real love 24/7 once my Honey goes.
Not judgin', just sayin'....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top