U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-10-2017, 10:37 AM
 
12,689 posts, read 14,071,402 times
Reputation: 34790

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
....
When you are left alone do you enjoy the solitude or do you really miss your spouse?
I haven't lived with someone for thirty years.

Solitude? In the sense of being alone and liking it, yes I enjoy it. I was never perturbed by roommates or partners going on long holidays; in fact, I was quite happy to have the luxury of being alone. I have always been pretty good at entertaining myself, even before home computers. But if I am feeling antsy for company, I am a fairly - maybe too - outgoing a person, so as soon as I leave my home I have company. There are also any number of places I can stop in for company and palaver.

In the sense of "peace and quiet," I'd like to have the opportunity to enjoy more of that side of solitude. My neighborhood can be a bit noisier than I like, especially with yapping dogs. But I compensate by getting up early to have peace and quiet, and when the morning uproar of canine madness begins I am already on my way out the door for a long walk in a peaceful place, and then some people time.

I guess I am a lousy partner as I don't miss people a lot when they are gone; but, on the other hand, if it has been a good relationship I do enjoy their return.....but without a doubt I would be a lousy partner/spouse for someone who did not have their own job or whatever.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-10-2017, 01:54 PM
 
6,308 posts, read 3,572,105 times
Reputation: 22031
We've been married for fifty years this spring. DH isn't much of a talker and is getting deaf so sometimes being with him is like being single. Heh.

I'm currently on a four week vacation. Last year I took ten. Yes, I miss him and some distance once a year really makes me appreciate him all the more. I think it also works the other way around. Not such a bad thing. It's easy to take someone who's been around for half a decade for granted.

It's self-indulgent but what a luxury to live life my way for a while once a year after devoting so many years to others. Keeps my bucket full and you can't give from an empty bucket, now, can you?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 03:12 PM
 
4,480 posts, read 4,741,265 times
Reputation: 9940
A good friends husband is very immature, even though he is 76, and he will stop talking to her of she does something he does not like. Aside from telling her to divorce him, I tell her to enjoy the quiet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,169,984 times
Reputation: 6691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
We've been married for fifty years this spring. DH isn't much of a talker and is getting deaf so sometimes being with him is like being single. Heh.

I'm currently on a four week vacation. Last year I took ten. Yes, I miss him and some distance once a year really makes me appreciate him all the more. I think it also works the other way around. Not such a bad thing. It's easy to take someone who's been around for half a decade for granted.

It's self-indulgent but what a luxury to live life my way for a while once a year after devoting so many years to others. Keeps my bucket full and you can't give from an empty bucket, now, can you?
shouldn't that be half a century?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 04:47 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
16,417 posts, read 5,352,322 times
Reputation: 51314
I crave alone time. DH is 76 and is a homebody. He is perfectly happy to sit in his recliner all day reading the newspaper, napping, watching TV or playing with his iPad. We live in a small one-story house, only two bedrooms and one bath, so I have absolutely no privacy.

Another problem is that DH is a clinging vine, very much dependent on me and afraid of losing me. He micromanages my day and hovers over me at times when I'm working in the kitchen, wanting to "help." He's sweet and funny, and I love him dearly, but I'm constantly under surveillance. It's really hard to live with someone who never leaves the house and monitors my every move.

That said, I am terrified of being alone. I know that there is a strong likelihood that I will outlive DH as he is eight years older and in declining health. We have no children or other immediate family, so when he's gone I will be truly on my own.

The idea of staying alone in my house frightens me. I know that the nights will be lonely and that I will jump out of my skin with every creak and rustle. I could always invest in a home security system to keep my anxiety under control, but nothing can replace the secure feeling of another warm body in bed next to me, and I know the holidays will be especially hard.

Other than that I think I'll do OK once I adjust to the loss. I am an introvert who loves peace and quiet, and I am looking forward to living life exactly as I want to without having to negotiate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 05:25 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,446,805 times
Reputation: 13699
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
I haven't lived with someone for thirty years.

Solitude? In the sense of being alone and liking it, yes I enjoy it. I was never perturbed by roommates or partners going on long holidays; in fact, I was quite happy to have the luxury of being alone. I have always been pretty good at entertaining myself, even before home computers. But if I am feeling antsy for company, I am a fairly - maybe too - outgoing a person, so as soon as I leave my home I have company. There are also any number of places I can stop in for company and palaver.

In the sense of "peace and quiet," I'd like to have the opportunity to enjoy more of that side of solitude. My neighborhood can be a bit noisier than I like, especially with yapping dogs. But I compensate by getting up early to have peace and quiet, and when the morning uproar of canine madness begins I am already on my way out the door for a long walk in a peaceful place, and then some people time.

I guess I am a lousy partner as I don't miss people a lot when they are gone; but, on the other hand, if it has been a good relationship I do enjoy their return.....but without a doubt I would be a lousy partner/spouse for someone who did not have their own job or whatever.
Living alone as a retired person without a spouse or partner is a whole other very worthwhile topic. There are retirees who have lived alone for varying lengths of time, some many decades, some almost all of their life or almost all of their adult years, and other retirees who have lost a spouse to death or divorced near retirement age.

The OP singled out and focused upon married people who have a spouse who is gone on a week's trip or out of the home for brief periods.

(living alone has become a phenomena in the U.S. where about one-fourth of the adult population are living alone, including those in their late 20's through 50's and beyond)

Last edited by matisse12; 03-10-2017 at 06:19 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 05:56 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,287 posts, read 4,862,753 times
Reputation: 21671
Nope - it doesn't bother me at all. I lost both my Chihuahuas last year (hence my user name) so I got a cat since I'm not home as much as I used to be. Never miss being part of a couple.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 06:29 PM
 
8,886 posts, read 2,758,586 times
Reputation: 5439
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aqua Blue View Post
That's my thought too. Even the 20 years I was married there was never anyone "there".

Sadly, I had to let my beloved dog pass over the rainbow bridge at the end of February. It is very quiet here now.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby. *Hugs*
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Retired in Malibu/La Quinta/Flagstaff
1,324 posts, read 1,327,768 times
Reputation: 4381
Been retired three years now. I miss my spouse every day. She's been gone 40 years. Pretty much used to being alone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-10-2017, 10:29 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,562 posts, read 3,659,218 times
Reputation: 12333
A widower for ten years, I enjoy my solo existence and have discovered some things about myself and various new talents that I enjoy. I was married to my best friend for over half my life so the transition was very tough but I enjoy my independence and making my own choices. She is still a part of my life in many ways. On a daily basis I miss the casual conversations and sharing of ideas and experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top