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Old 03-19-2017, 03:56 PM
 
1 posts, read 592 times
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i am now retired, an along i like it . i do get lonely some time. never had a problem doing things or going places along, but you get tired of being along. find someone you can do thing with. and talk to . with out being committed, if thats possible. as of now dont think of the ifs. just enjoy your life now.

Last edited by ollie Anderson; 03-19-2017 at 03:58 PM.. Reason: missing word
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Old 03-19-2017, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,704,584 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
I've eaten alone tons of times and this has never happened to me. I guess I'll just have to avoid this restaurant.
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Old 03-19-2017, 04:22 PM
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,586,191 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
Slightly off topic, but I have twice met two men whose spouses had died fairly recently. Even before they said anything about the loss, I could see the sadness in their eyes. The word "haunted" completely fits. These were casual conversations in the context of a general interaction, not any kind of dating setup. But after they had practically bled their loneliness for a mate all over the place, I fervently hoped that they would not meet a predatory woman.

So, yes, widows and widowers and divorcees do need to get out, but they need to be aware of emotional weakness from grieving that has not run its course.
A relative lost a spouse to cancer.
Immediately he became distraught and started
searching for someone. Couldn't bear to live alone.
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Old 03-19-2017, 06:08 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,195 posts, read 2,867,487 times
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I married for the first time at age 35. Full life before then with family, friends, boyfriends, etc.

That said - I love alone time. To a point.

If anything were to happen and I were to lose my spouse - I would very much miss him. But I would pick myself up and move on - eventually.

Still have family and friends and they are a great support system.

We just adopted a corgi puppy. Our golden retriever is 3.5 years old and I was tired of her being alone for long periods of time. So we got her a running buddy. I recall it was a mere 2 months after the loss of our first golden that we got our second. The quiet in the house was palpable. And painful.

That said - adjusting to being alone at an elderly age IS more difficult than when you are young.
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Old 03-19-2017, 09:41 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,576,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Nothing sadder than asking for a table for one? There's a million things sadder. Especially because this is not sad at all.
Admittedly I'm a loner by defination, but I enjoy dinner out by myself, especially where the mood is nice and calm and good. I take my time and feel out the place. Having company can be good, but its entirely different. It's like seeing a movie at a theater alone, just turn on the senses and feel the atmosphere around you and it makes the way you percieve and remember the movie different.

I tend to enjoy and remember social situations or movies out with this sense that the movie or event is part of something greater. I also like to people feel. I love a room full of people enjoying the day and good food and all the good energies they spread. Its a way to be with people but not so intwined that they push personal buttons.

I've always been mostly a loner, but now I find those moments even more satisfying.
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:06 AM
 
7,823 posts, read 4,409,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
An interesting and related thread in another C-D forum:









The points of view expressed above are well represented in a related and current thread in the Non-Romantic Relationships Forum entitled "If you had an opportunity to become a recluse, would you?" Rather to my surprise, a large number of posters wrote that yes, they would!

In my view, a recluse who has freely chosen that path is not harming anyone, even though it's a path which I personally do not understand. After all, we are all different. Therefore, some people can thrive and be content under conditions which would be anathema to other people.

The common wisdom is that we evolved as a social species dependent on mutual cooperation for our survival and that social isolation is not healthy, but it is clear from posts such as the above that the "common wisdom" does not apply to everyone.
Interesting; thanks. I'll have to check out that thread. I personally didn't choose to be a recluse (and I'm still not entirely), but through a series of untoward events beyond my control, I lost most of the people who comprised my family and social life within a short span of time and found myself essentially alone in terms of emotionally intimate relationships. Quite frankly, it scared me to death at first, because - like everyone else - I was raised believing that people needed other people in order to survive, solitary confinement was a recipe for madness, etc. Actually, no... Today, in a relatively wealthy society with advanced infrastructure, not only do people no longer need to legally wed to survive (at one time in the not-too-distant past, men couldn't cook, women couldn't work, and neither could acceptably procreate outside of marriage), now it's quite possible to survive and even thrive in "isolation."

Last edited by otterhere; 03-20-2017 at 07:27 AM..
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:10 AM
 
7,823 posts, read 4,409,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
I've eaten alone tons of times and this has never happened to me. I guess I'll just have to avoid this restaurant.
As for dining out, as I've explained in other threads (inevitably bold solo diners pipe up suggesting that only some horrible insecurity keeps anyone from participating in this rewarding activity), I prefer to just order take-out or delivery and eat alone in the comfort of my own home or in some relaxing natural setting -- weather permitting -- rather than surrounded by noisily chatting couples and/or groups. Please notice that all of the tables in restaurants are invariably set for two, four, or more. I have always considered that a "social event," much like waltzing in a ballroom, and so I would simply not bother doing so alone any more than I would stand up at a wedding and begin swaying all by myself. However, I DO go to movies alone. You're supposed to watch the movie; not converse.
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,865 posts, read 4,979,827 times
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If you choose to live alone and you died,

how long would it take for somebody to notice?
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:19 AM
 
7,823 posts, read 4,409,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
If you choose to live alone and you died,

how long would it take for somebody to notice?
That's the depressing (and disgusting) part. But, hey, you'll be dead, so you won't care, lol! In all seriousness, though, I would worry about my pets starving to death (and potentially feeding on my corpse), so it's good to at least befriend one neighbor with a key who can check on you if you suddenly vanish from sight.
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Old 03-20-2017, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,691 posts, read 3,261,742 times
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^^^^^^^^^ A friend of mine did just that last year. And it took a while before someone found her.
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