Staying busy or not? (vacation, friend, years, adult)
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OMG!!! I forgot reading!!! Never enough time for all the books.
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Retired six months and bored to death. I think I'm becoming very depressed because I am losing the desire for just about everything. All I do is sit around or putter about the yard looking for something to do. I'm not sure what I thought retirement would be,but it wasn't this. Heck, I don't even care to go fishing and I moved to Florida so I could fish!
I retired from a super fast paced and high stress corporate job, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I've realized that the stress of the job was like a drug to me, I thrived on it.
I moved 1200 miles because that's what we had always planned to do. My new neighbors are very unfriendly and most of them work anyway.
Just never anticipated this. Hope you fare better.
hope you find your niche. Nothing wrong with going back to work. My sister is 70 and still works cuz she said she would go crazy just sitting around. Good luck to you.
The concept and practice of keeping 'busy' is being debunked of late in news articles, editorials, and discussions.
The articles point out that people are tired of hearing people say they are so 'busy' when asked how they are. Being busy has a false quality to many - a status symbol that is no longer worthy of attaining and a concept utilized to brag.
One does not need to strive for 'busyness" to be considered a worthy person or to make excellent use of time. Busyness has a quality of, for example, making up tons of errands to do all the time, just in order to stay 'busy'.
One can be engaged in life and live a dynamic life and pursue interests without seeking busyness which connotes a frantic quality to keep one from thinking about questions of life, or not to be seen by others as idle or not to be seen as not desired by others.
just passing on what is hitting the literature lately..... but I do concur that hearing people claim to be 'so busy' when asked how they are is off-putting.
While I have not been running across the same "news articles, editorials, and discussions" that you have, I think you make a good point. As you say, be4ing "engaged in life and liv[ing] a dynamic life and pursu[ing] interests" is really the goal (for me personallly), not trying to be busy for its own sake. But that does involve being busy to a certain extent. After all, the opposite of being busy is being idle. Fortunately we don't have to choose one or the other.
It is not a contest, or at least it shouldn't be. If it were, I would be far from the winner's circle, because even though I am engaged in meaningful (to me) activities, I retain plenty of relaxing time as well. Over the years on this Retirement Forum I have been a consistent advocate of remaining actively engaged in life - mentally, physically, and socially. But still, it is not a contest.
Retired corporate IT here. The change from non-stop mayhem all day every day to doing nothing is wonderful. No more millions of customers and billions of dollars to worry about, just the humans/cats/puppies in this house.
I even got a library book and read the entire thing in two days sitting on my porch. I used to read books on my lunch break at my desk, but the pace of software increased so much, there was not even time for that.
Gardening is my job now. Building a garden in a semi-desert environment is slow going, but every spec of compost will be there in 100 years, so the next owner will be in business on day one. Last year the grasshoppers nuked us, but we do not give up.
If I ever get bored, I’ll go through my stack of unread Nat Geos. Then start training for my first 14,000 foot mountain. I’ll probably drop dead halfway up, but it seems like more fun than 7 years in a nursing home.
Retired six months and bored to death. I think I'm becoming very depressed because I am losing the desire for just about everything. All I do is sit around or putter about the yard looking for something to do. I'm not sure what I thought retirement would be,but it wasn't this. Heck, I don't even care to go fishing and I moved to Florida so I could fish!
I retired from a super fast paced and high stress corporate job, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I've realized that the stress of the job was like a drug to me, I thrived on it.
I moved 1200 miles because that's what we had always planned to do. My new neighbors are very unfriendly and most of them work anyway.
Just never anticipated this. Hope you fare better.
Okay, I will get serious here because I think I can give you some advice. I think at six months you are still decompressing from your job. That will hopefully even itself out in time.
I can address the lack of desire to get out and the unfriendly neighbors. Part of your problem as I see it is your long distance move. Been there, done that twice. I know the problems.
I made two long distance in my life. The first move was in my thirties the second in my upper sixties. Each time I knew no one in my new city and was pretty lonely. The funny thing about being lonely is sometimes it piles on you and you retreat which makes you even more lonely.
So the first time I moved I was working. I got to see people but they weren't really people with whom I had much in common. On weekends and days off I roamed around the city on buses (I don't drive) going from neighborhood to neighborhood scouting out different places I thought I might want to live in the future. That way I got to know my new city very well.
I went to places alone, shopping malls, movies, the zoo etc. Just to get out of the house. I was never much of a joiner but I joined stuff anyway. I took classes. It took time but after a few years I found the right neighborhood and the right group of friends in this process. In other words I found people of like minds and interests with whom I clicked and they clicked back.
With one or two exceptions did I find a friend among my neighbors. It's nice if you can but I've never found that that living next door to people created great friendships. Maybe that's because I've always lived in apartments. I think home owners might be more friendly especially if they have something in common like raising families. Otherwise it was usually just a polite nod and "Hello." Maybe a little chat in the laundry room.
So the second time I moved I was retired. Again long distance not knowing anyone. The first neighborhood was nice but it was near a college and everyone around me in my building and the area seemed to be no more than twenty years old. I joined the senior center which had some really nice events but no one was interested in making new friends. Everyone was established and knew one another's families since forever. So not much opportunity for friends there.
Then last June I moved to a senior apartment complex across town. I had done a lot of research on the place and it looked good. People here are friendly. If you sit next to someone chances are they will ask your name and strike up a conversation. There are two senior centers in this area. Lots of things to do.
The reason for this long winded post if you managed to stick it through is to encourage you to keep trying. Making friends in a new place where you know no one is one of the most difficult things there is to do. Don't feel it has to be done right away. Try just one thing and then something else. Don't push a bunch of things on top of one another. Forget the corporate time crunch. You're not on it any longer. Allow yourself all the time you need to adjust to your new life. No need to put stress and pressure on yourself. Six months in a new place is just a tiny drop in the time bucket.
Very helpful post. I am moving 2200 miles to a town where I only sort of know a few people from my own efforts (dog people, volunteer opportunities people). I worry about curling up in bed and giving up in isolation, but then,it's always an option right here where I am. My job hours and exhaustion have made me less than social.I will have to "get out there" to talk to people and take part in things. I am quite rusty and will likely need decompression too.
I will appreciate the reminders of the fortitude of those who have done something similar, what has and hasn't worked for them, and that it takes time no matter what.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover
Very helpful post.... My job hours and exhaustion have made me less than social.I will have to "get out there" to talk to people and take part in things. I am quite rusty and will likely need decompression too.
...it takes time no matter what.
yes, it takes time, and we are running out of that!
Just clock out of an 'urgency / schedule driven life' and be open to others, and stay flexible!
Some things / people will drive you crazy, but you will find that you have time, even for them! (and they need you)
Avoid 'taking control' and enjoy the ride for a LONG time before you over commit.
Getting your own stuff in order ASAP will free you to have the choice for how you invest your time in the future. (I have always missed that excellent benefit, too much stuff / projects)
Many 'early retirees' in my friendships, I respect and find those who really pursue to simplify their life and stuff to be very vibrant and able to experience a 'richer' retirement (without the burden of THINGS). Having farms in 2 locations does not simplify my life (at the moment) Still well below FRA, but being available to enjoy my National Parks Pass in a few yrs would be nice.
For some, taking on a new / delayed challenge is of benefit (Languages, Music, Hobbies, service, Education...) Next retirement.. or the next... I will add to my piano score.
Retire early, Retire often (You Might not get it right the first few times)
After retiring, how do you handle all that free time you now have? What do you do to stay busy? Since every day is just kinda like the weekend for a retiree, isn't there an inclination to let the body and mind slide just a little bit? Just wondering....
Does anyone miss the stimulation (mental and physical) of being employed and being around others?
Good question. Life is slower but their is always something on the schedule. Maybe a couple of hours of down time between events. Work on hobbies.
I think a lot of early retires may not have a good handle on this question. If you retire in your 50's you could be retired for 40 + years. More than your working years. If you are happy with your job and life I would not rush into retirement.
There's always something on the schedule? in what way or doing what? just curious. a couple hours between events?
do you live in a senior living complex?
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