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Most perceived mistakes were followed up with...Lesson learned!
My bio dad had zero wisdom. He did though ( in his hypocrisy) say to apologize when we do harm. Funny, 56 years after harming our mom, he wanted to sincerely apologise. My Mom didn't accept deathbed apologies...Lesson learned!
I like the saying...So how did that work out for ya?!!! Most eat crow on their own.. I simply realize. It's their lesson to learn...
Now, my mother......her pearls of wisdom went like this:
Talk is cheap (she said this when my father would dream about buying land in Maine)
Be good (the parting words when each of her four daughters would go out)
If you don't like it, you can leave.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all
I have to see it to believe it!
Never knew my dad other than a few visits. Literally no advice or help at all, ever. My mom's choices have served more as a cautionary tale, I suppose. The one thing she did tell me, that has been of use in my life everyday, is that you must stand on your own two feet and pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. You have to do it for yourself, because no body cares more about what happens to you than you do.
My dad was killed in 44, thus no advice from him. I was indoctrinated into religion to the point of having a sponsor that wanted me to go into the priesthood. The only advice that my mother gave me was to keep an open mind. I followed her advice and became a very happy atheist.
My mom told me to take typing in high school in case I "needed something to fall back on" since they'd planned for me to go to college anyway - which I did, followed by grad school. Even so, who knew that EVERYONE would be expected to type all their own reports, "memos", etc. when computers came into general use. Those old guys were crying when they lost their secretaries and had to type everything with 2 fingers!
My dad told us to not make the same mistakes as him. We needed to stay sober, go to college and get an education, and not have too many children. I followed that advice except for too much drinking when I was a young adult. Of course, my mother had the opposite advice on education and family planning. My dad was also adamant on not buying things on credit while my mom took any credit she could get. You can see why they divorced when I was in first grade. I mostly followed my dad's advice, making larger purchases with six months no interest and paying it off and today I put everything on credit cards but pay off the balance each month. Again, I had some credit card issues early in adulthood but nothing serious.
I don't remember them providing that many "pearls of wisdom." My dad would say "If you don't like it, you can leave" but mostly I remember him saying "The world doesn't owe you a living" and I have always taken that to heart. I think his concern was some of my mother's family who had substance abuse issues and/or did not like to work but would expect hand outs. Because we were poor, he was concerned that we kids would develop an attitude that we had been treated unfairly by society and expect compensation or feel that we were above the rules. And a couple of my siblings have that entitled attitude. My dad had his weaknesses but he was a real hard worker.
Not much. I learned mainly by example...of things not to do or ways not to be.
I was one of 5 and not "advised" much. But I did hear my dad tell someone once that if he couldn't pay for it (in cash), then he couldn't afford it. That stuck with me. I've never carried debt except house & car, and paid those off as soon as I could. I'm also inclined to recognize when I can't afford something, taking pride in recognizing that (but not happy about it).
Much wasn't expected of girls in my family, back in the day. We were expected to marry and have a mess o'kids. I didn't.
Well, there was one thing my mother taught us. When we'd ask a factual or historical question, she'd say, "Look it up." We had encyclopedias. Thus began my lifelong compulsion to research everything, which led to my career job.
I realize, looking back, that my parents gave me next to no advice and guidance. They were very big on negatively judging any decisions I made, however. I've tried to give my kids the benefit of my experience and on things I learned the hard way, and they have appreciated it.
Ditto!
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