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Old 05-30-2017, 09:11 AM
 
Location: next up where ever I go
588 posts, read 344,392 times
Reputation: 2087

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I met a retired man who is a widower. He is 70 years of age. He's interested.

He had a high paying job and just quit work a couple of years ago.

I am 61 soon to turn 62 and he knows my true age.

Do you think this is too much of an age difference and this is where it gets touchy

I am afraid that I will become his caretaker if this continues. I understand that caring for someone that you have had a long life is a noble thing and one that I would expect from either spouse.

But since I do not plan to remarry and I do not need his bank balance I see no reason to remarry.

Romance, yes. Companionship, yes.

I just have this little niggling thought in the back of my mind and it bothers me. If he were closer to my own age, not so much.

Am I being overly concerned?

He appears quite healthy.

And I apologize to anyone that would be offended by my concerns.


[mod note] For those new to this thread, before responding, please read post #91 where TMKSarah explains her course of action moving forward. Thank you.
http://www.city-data.com/forum/48343148-post91.html [/mod note]

Last edited by volosong; 06-02-2017 at 10:00 AM..
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,391 posts, read 9,136,940 times
Reputation: 13025
You never know what the future holds. He could die at 90 suddenly after years of good health, you at 80. May the Lord forbid it, but what if you developed a condition and he was your caretaker? I've seen many healthy 90 year olds.

Don't let fear keep you from happiness. And no offense taken!
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:23 AM
 
11,121 posts, read 8,527,266 times
Reputation: 28084
Be a mature adult. Discuss this with him and see if he already has a plan for his healthcare and possible caretaking needs. If his answers aren't satisfactory to you, move on. Don't walk into a bad situation.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:24 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12810
My roommate will be 72 this year. I am 56. He doesn't even look close to 65. In good health, takes care of himself, not overweight. He did have a bout of cancer, but that is clear.

But I've known him for over 20 years, so I don't know if I would do that now. I would think someone closer to my age would be his replacement - if that is a good term to use - lol - so I can see your concern.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,767 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
You said he's interested, I would assume in dating. If you are cool with that, I say go for it. As far as becoming his caretaker, you can just say "no" to marriage if that's your concern. You can date, be a couple, whatever. If it doesn't work out you can both walk away without any encumbrances. Who knows, he might be someone special that you would hate to have missed knowing. He may not be into marriage either, but companionship and the fun of a partner is a good thing at any age.

I will tell you that if something happened to my DH. I wouldn't remarry at this point either. I wouldn't want my finances to become entangled with anyone else's going forward. I also wouldn't want to worry that his kids are going to think I'll "steal" their inheritance.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:28 AM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,212,035 times
Reputation: 62049
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah View Post
I met a retired man who is a widower. He is 70 years of age. He's interested.

He had a high paying job and just quit work a couple of years ago.

I am 61 soon to turn 62 and he knows my true age.

Do you think this is too much of an age difference and this is where it gets touchy

I am afraid that I will become his caretaker if this continues. I understand that caring for someone that you have had a long life is a noble thing and one that I would expect from either spouse.

But since I do not plan to remarry and I do not need his bank balance I see no reason to remarry.

Romance, yes. Companionship, yes.

I just have this little niggling thought in the back of my mind and it bothers me. If he were closer to my own age, not so much.

Am I being overly concerned?

He appears quite healthy.

And I apologize to anyone that would be offended by my concerns.
Do not get married or move in together and do not be any part of his will, executor, etc. let him designate his family to do all of that.
That gives you both freedom from the other's financial obligations/issues, legal obligations/issues, etc.
Enjoy the time you have together.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:30 AM
 
331 posts, read 196,236 times
Reputation: 924
If you are almost 62 and he is a healthy 70, your concern strikes me as at least odd. Are you envisioning a 5- or 10-year "romance," whereupon you bail out when he needs a caretaker? Or a much shorter fling that will be nipped in the bud the moment he shows any physical decline? Perhaps if you both had complete physicals, he might be concerned about becoming your caretaker. When you're 62, there are no guarantees - I'm 67, and my health is far better than the vast majority of 62-year-olds. I don't mean to be unduly harsh, but I'd wager that if you were honest with him, he'd say adios. I certainly would. For that matter, you don't have to give him any reason. Just tell him very firmly that you're interested in casual dating and friendship and nothing more, so he will have no expectations and can hook up with someone willing to become more serious if she comes along. If he's a healthy 70 with a large bank account, he will have all the women he wants. It sounds to me like what you really want is to hedge your bets - essentially take advantage of him.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,612 posts, read 4,680,291 times
Reputation: 27841
Quote:
Originally Posted by Troglodyte74 View Post
If you are almost 62 and he is a healthy 70, your concern strikes me as at least odd. Are you envisioning a 5- or 10-year "romance," whereupon you bail out when he needs a caretaker? Or a much shorter fling that will be nipped in the bud the moment he shows any physical decline? Perhaps if you both had complete physicals, he might be concerned about becoming your caretaker. When you're 62, there are no guarantees - I'm 67, and my health is far better than the vast majority of 62-year-olds. I don't mean to be unduly harsh, but I'd wager that if you were honest with him, he'd say adios. I certainly would. For that matter, you don't have to give him any reason. Just tell him very firmly that you're interested in casual dating and friendship and nothing more, so he will have no expectations and can hook up with someone willing to become more serious if she comes along. If he's a healthy 70 with a large bank account, he will have all the women he wants. It sounds to me like what you really want is to hedge your bets - essentially take advantage of him.
You may not have meant to be unduly harsh but your comments -- especially the last sentence -- came across as unkind.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:50 AM
 
6,223 posts, read 4,721,373 times
Reputation: 12746
Since you seem concerned about a few years difference in age, it seems you don't seem to have much emotional commitment. Perhaps you should keep it that way.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:55 AM
 
Location: next up where ever I go
588 posts, read 344,392 times
Reputation: 2087
I really doubt I could take advantage of him. He is quite the pistol. And my days of being a gold digger are way over since I already have my own gold so to speak.

As far as Trog being unkind, well, I must have hit a nerve. I did say this is a touchy subject!
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