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We are entering our mid 50's, we have been married for 26+ years, we never have been two who talk about trivial, mundane, B.S. that occurs throughout the normal course of everyday life, unlike SO many others whom we know and have observed. I wonder if this is what you actually mean? We also have rarely argued between the two of us, we treat each other with respect and communicate as intelligent adults should when disagreements or situations arise that require a resolution, or action, to BOTH of our best interests.
What seems "important" to some, is not necessarily important to others.
Do not pass judgement on others because you think that they should be talking at the dinner table, they may have nothing to say.
When you're married a long time you do run out of things to say and you have usually heard your spouse tell the same story over and over. After 30 or 40 years together what else is there to learn? To keep the relationship going I guess you would have to discuss current events?
When you're married a long time you do run out of things to say and you have usually heard your spouse tell the same story over and over. After 30 or 40 years together what else is there to learn? To keep the relationship going I guess you would have to discuss current events?
My wife and I are still talking to each other all the time but this is not true with most of our friends who are in their 60s and 70s. It is amazing how little they talk to each other anymore. They are burned out and tired of each other and really don't have much to say anymore. No fights left in them but they just silently coexist with each other. Can you relate?
I can absolutely relate. Though we have not ever really talked other than what
I call pass the salt talking. I have tried for almost 50 years to get him to just sit
down and talk with me.
Now he has Parkinson's disease and has trouble talking, so it is almost complete silence.
No, not completly silent like what you describe. Sometimes we talk a lot, other times hardly anything, and oddly that often is while eating out. But let me tell you why: My husband has become glued to his electronic distractions, even when eating. I get tired of either having the entire conversation based on the thing's content or of having him irritably say, "WHAT?" because a real-life question dared intrude on his Internet and cellular world. Why bother talking to that? So when we eat out, it's like he's lost without having those things in front of him.
At breakfast it is no big deal, because (a) at that time we BOTH are reading our devices, and (b) before the devices came along, we read newspapers then anyway. What I don't like is having dinner taken over by gizmos. That was usually our one meal together each day back when we were working, and if it too is taken in individual absorption, why bother even dining together at all? We might as well grab sandwiches or nuked frozen dinners and retreat to separate rooms.
I think much of this phenomenon is caused simply by taking the other person for granted as always being there. I NEVER see him do the let-me-just-do-my-Internet bit with other people.
Some of the reduced talking is also knowing--or thinking you know--what the spouse will say.
And some of it is that one person needs the external affirmations of coworkers and bosses and fixed working hours and "guaranteed" conditions, while the other person does not, and in retirement these differences become pronounced.
So many are mis-matched from the beginning and I think especially women don't have a good heart to heart exchange with their partner. I know my mom never did and she hung in for 63 yrs. I don't know what younger people do today, probably more divorces. This is WHY I'm sure so many gals have good gf's to "talk to"... Ever hear about men having good friends to talk to and hang out with? Not much except for drinking buddies. ummmmmmmmm
My "EX" and I were very mis-matched, what did we know at 22, and divorce was in our life.
Just thinking how my mom tried to change my father..she didn't know psychology.
I believe many live lives of quiet desperation. Oh the battle of the sexes.
I have a couple gay friends and love to talk to them as they are so open and communicative...I've digressed but just thought about this.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 06-03-2017 at 10:06 AM..
A couple of our friend/couples do tend to go their separate ways in activities and would guess from that conservations.
All couples I guess can be different. Jim is my best friend and hubby. On our near daily walks, I am sure we have said the some things over and over but that's fine.
Even if we were mute, the communication would be endless.
My wife and I are still talking to each other all the time but this is not true with most of our friends who are in their 60s and 70s. It is amazing how little they talk to each other anymore. They are burned out and tired of each other and really don't have much to say anymore. No fights left in them but they just silently coexist with each other. Can you relate?
Not really. I'm not Retired Now.
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