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I have a friend in assisted living. It's a very upscale place in the SF Bay Area. When I met him, we were in a class together and we've kept in touch even after I moved away, with weekly phone calls. I never saw where he was living.
When I moved back to the area where he lives last month, I made plans to go visit him after I got settled in.
I went to see him last week. Over the last 3 1/2 years, he's gotten much worse physically. He's aged tremendously.
I had lunch with him at his assisted living facility, which has fantastic food prepared by a chef.
But, the place was still very sad. Most of them don't go anywhere outside of that facility. He told me the only thing most of them look forward to is "breakfast, lunch and dinner."
It made me face my future and I didn't like it. I don't want to get to the point where I have to go into assisted living and have nothing to look forward to except breakfast, lunch and dinner!
I just moved all by myself, and that includes cleaning my last apartment by myself, and packing and loading my truck and trailer, and unloading both by myself. If I could have hired people to do it I would. But, I realized that I'm not as bad off or as feeble as I thought I was.
Seeing my friend in his AL facility made me want to take better care of myself. I know my options are limited, but I really don't want to live that way.
I don't really have a question here, other than, I guess, how you are coping with the idea of ending up in assisted living and/or getting really ill, etc. I'm not afraid of death, just of being frail, sick and helpless, really.
I hear you, NMS! I think about some of those same things and then I try to put it out of my mind. It's how I cope with fear of the unknown like that. Maybe not the most noble way, but it works for me. We can't let fear of the future eat up our present joy in life. When it comes down to it, none of us know how we'll go or how life will be as we age. It might be better than the bad stuff we imagine.
I hear you. We had to move my mother into assisted living a few months ago and for a variety of reasons I've been depressed ever since. She absolutely could no longer live alone due to memory issues and dementia. She was not eating regularly and had lost thirty pounds in the previous year. We were blessed that she was accepted into assisted living and not forced into a nursing home.
However she is unhappy and continues to go downhill mentally. I hate this life for her and find myself praying often that this is not my future. The facility and staff are wonderful but her quality of life is poor and her happiness level no longer exists.
I hear you. We had to move my mother into assisted living a few months ago and for a variety of reasons I've been depressed ever since. She absolutely could no longer live alone due to memory issues and dementia. She was not eating regularly and had lost thirty pounds in the previous year. We were blessed that she was accepted into assisted living and not forced into a nursing home.
However she is unhappy and continues to go downhill mentally. I hate this life for her and find myself praying often that this is not my future. The facility and staff are wonderful but her quality of life is poor and her happiness level no longer exists.
The story of my MIL. That was the last nine years of her life.
I agree with all of you. My mother's experiences several years ago (sadly, leading to an earlier-than-expected death) hit me hard on many levels, one of which was that soon I would have to face similar realities.
One thing we did do was undertake a big reno /addition project that includes a first floor BR and bath and enlarged doorways, etc., in case my dad agrees to move here when he is no longer independent. He currently has no interest in doing so, having lived most of his life in the Midwest, and still have friends and activities (and other family) there. But at least he will have the option not to go to assisted living or a nursing home, if he prefers not to do so. And years later, that space will be there for me, with in-home help. A person can live indefinitely on one floor now, with help. In my community, there are virtually no homes truly on one level (even the ranch homes have basements, and most houses have two floors above ground) due to high land costs. So it cost a fortune (for us) but gives us more of a sense of control, and a little less fear, over the future.
Take heart! In my former line of work (Adult Services Social Worker) the fate of some is assisted living. The fate of most is not. The ratio was was 90/10%. I also had to deal with dead people. Most died at home or home to a hospital. Yes, some required in home services, but still they lived in their own home. Such is life in a nanny, high tax state. CA has a ton of services for older folks with aim of keeping them in their own homes, not in assisted living or LTC.
And for most, there is that concept of lifestyle choices. Yep, one of those 90/10% situations. Just speaking from experience. Even at 70, lifestyle choices do make a difference.
Take heart! In my former line of work (Adult Services Social Worker) the fate of some is assisted living. The fate of most is not. The ratio was was 90/10%. I also had to deal with dead people. Most died at home or home to a hospital. Yes, some required in home services, but still they lived in their own home. Such is life in a nanny, high tax state. CA has a ton of services for older folks with aim of keeping them in their own homes, not in assisted living or LTC.
And for most, there is that concept of lifestyle choices. Yep, one of those 90/10% situations. Just speaking from experience. Even at 70, lifestyle choices do make a difference.
Lately on CD, there have been postings about how low the risks are that we will end up in assisted living.
Those numbers are based on bad data. Here are some better numbers on chances of ending up in assisted living: https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextave.../#56ef60e9179a
Quote:
Misconception No. 1: Very few people end up using long-term care. This study by researchers from the National Bureau of Economic Research estimates that a 50-year-old has a 53 to 59% chance of entering a nursing home during his or her lifetime.
In a recent study by the Employee Benefit Research Institute (EBRI), where I work, we found that between 2010 and 2012, nearly a quarter (23%) of those at or above age 85 recorded overnight stays in a nursing home facility. This number may not seem too high, but it is only for those who survived the entire two-year period of the study. When we analyzed the sample of only those who died during the same two-year period, the corresponding number was 62%.
I am a physical therapist, and 99% of my patients are 65 y-o or older. I do home visits, and below is some general advice borne out of several years working with geriatric patients:
- Strive to be as physically active as you can. If you do not have arthritis problems, walk. It's one of the best ways to exercise, and all you need is a pair of shoes. Walk on trails if you can, as slightly uneven terrain challenges your balance more than walking on a flat surface. If you have joint problems, try an exercise bike or water activities, e.g., walking in a pool (with a float).
- Mental activity is also important: switch off the TV. I see countless older folks sitting in their recliner watching TV all day long. Instead, try to learn a new skill. It can be anything, such as learning how to knit, how to woodwork, how to garden, or a new language. Learning a new skill promotes the growth of neural networks in our brain.
- Make sure you have companionship or a group of friends you can interact with frequently, preferably in person rather than on-line. Mental isolation gradually leads to physical isolation. Go volunteer for a good cause if you're able to. Or join a meetup group.
I see folks in their late 80s or early 90s who are physically and mentally active. I also see folks in their 60s who spend their entire day on a recliner, watching mindless TV, and snacking on junk food. I think you can guess which group is the healthier and happier one.
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