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Old 03-12-2008, 06:07 AM
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
12,732 posts, read 16,639,246 times
Reputation: 15662


My h was busy all the time, before he retired..We had 4 children very close in age and I am very strongly old fashioned family oriented..H enjoyed and persued many different hobbies after work and on weekends with his friends from work..As a result we developed a "used to it" attitude..We did vacation as a family and had meals together as a family and he coached little league for a couple years..But as far as our relationship and interests..There was no time..Now that he is retired, he wants me to stay on the road with him all the time..We have had a few fabulous vacations, but he plans them like business trips..the agenda always sticking out of his shirt pocket..He thinks when we are not on a planned vacation that we should be traveling to all his relatives spending days to weeks at a time at their houses..I stay home because I think it is rude to visit like that..We have a big house..He stays in the den with his computer and TV..I stay in the rest of the house..When the children or a friend comes to visit he does not come upstairs to share in the visit..We have one or more of the 9 grandchildren here most of the time..He is friendly to them and loves them, but mostly just ignores them..In a word, we respect each other, but just have nothing in common, except being married a long time..
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Old 03-12-2008, 12:57 PM
Location: Lovelock, NV - Anchorage, AK
1,195 posts, read 4,145,724 times
Reputation: 452
So sorry to hear that but then again it may be your choice in which I respect. My husband can be a jerk at times but I'm a strong willed woman and have always been that way so he is somewhat use to it.

We have always done things together, when the kids were young he spent time with them but not quailty time now that he is older and they too he spends a great deal more quality time with them which is absolutely great in my eyes.

He and I have always done thing together, I will go off shopping by myself sometimes but when it comes to grocery's like he says he pushes the cart.

Sometimes we will just sit in our recliners and hold hands and not say a word, I just don't want that to change after we retire I don't see it happening but just wanted to check with the forum for their experiences.
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Old 03-12-2008, 01:31 PM
42 posts, read 100,495 times
Reputation: 26
Interesting question! I read an article on just this topic about 10 years ago and it's stayed in my mind all this time. The article interviewed 6 or 8 couples who had recently retired and asked (among other things) what the most difficult thing was for them. The closest thing to a consensus was that it was being with their spouse 24/7. They said that they prepared for retirement by planning financially, by planning where to live, and a ton of other issues, but never considered how to handle that one. So, although my wife and I have been married very happily for 33 years, we're encouraging each other to develop interests apart. That doesn't mean that we aren't looking forward to each other's company, but we do want to have enough different interests to give us that 'apart' time. She's a volunteering sort, while I love woodworking... She has groups of friends she likes to have lunch or dinner with, while I prefer to stay home and read, but we share far more interests then not. We both like gardening, hiking, travel, cooking, and so much more, so hopefully this issue will work itself out. I do think though that anyone approaching retirement should put this issue on the list of things to plan for!
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Old 03-12-2008, 01:34 PM
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,079 posts, read 12,378,408 times
Reputation: 5336
My husband and I work together. This should help with the retirement transition as we are rarely apart except for meetings. We get along very well and he hates to travel without me. I think I am very lucky.
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