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My son was always beautiful looking, which was not always a good thing. He was wonderful until his early twenties. Then he did a 180, drinking disappearing, etc.
He was finally diagnosed as bipolar. He got sober, got married & had a beautiful daughter. The marriage fell apart, he went off his meds & then set himself on fire. He lived but went through twelve years of misery before his body finally gave out.
No, this was not what I'd envisioned for my beautiful little boy.
I have twin sons, now 46, and they turned out even better than I could have ever wanted, and they have consistently been that way from day one. They both have great jobs, both have second jobs as musicians at night, and both are my very best friends. We literally would do anything for each other, and no one would have to ask twice.
I'm not sure what I did to deserve them, it must have been their mother's influence that helped make them this way.
My b/g twins just turned 21. Both are finishing up college in 2018 and are looking forward to some great life plans. What I wish most for my kids is that they are first and foremost happy and healthy and that their work augments all of that. They are each other's best friends, have been that way since the beginning. Heartwarming.
My son was always beautiful looking, which was not always a good thing. He was wonderful until his early twenties. Then he did a 180, drinking disappearing, etc.
He was finally diagnosed as bipolar. He got sober, got married & had a beautiful daughter. The marriage fell apart, he went off his meds & then set himself on fire. He lived but went through twelve years of misery before his body finally gave out.
No, this was not what I'd envisioned for my beautiful little boy.
I'm so sorry. I think mental illness is usually worse than physical illness. None of us want that for our children.
Such sad stories to read. I have some sorrow over my parenting. I don't know how I could have done better at the time, given the circumstances. There is a long list of things I did right with them. It's the few things I could have done better that cause me great sorrow.
What bothers me is the things my kids remember are skewed. I was not the source of trouble in my family, but since that person is no longer around, I tend to take the blame from them. So, one of my kids keeps a little space between us and I feel has some resentment. Other kid is way friendlier and forgiving. Both have wonderful families and I am proud of them both, I just wish we had closer relationships.
We are closer than a lot I read here in this thread. I am sorry some of you have had such troubles and have lost your family relationships. When we were young, most of us longed for these babies. We never thought they would come with such pain.
We are closer than a lot I read here in this thread. I am sorry some of you have had such troubles and have lost your family relationships. When we were young, most of us longed for these babies. We never thought they would come with such pain.
So sorry for those of you whose children have lost their way. So tragic. Especially the mental illness. Must feel so helpless as a parent to watch a child self destruct.
Have only one child so all my eggs in one basket. I did everything possible to give her a good upbringing and the best education. I am very proud of her. She's 29 now. Very responsible and is doing well in career and personal life. She lost her Mom at age 12 so I was very worried, especially during her early teenage years.Lots of emotional outbursts but she settled down @ age 16 I made sure she knew I loved her and was there for her no matter what. She knows I did my best and I know she's doing her best. Can't ask for more.
You really never know. You can raise your children "the right way," but sometimes they have other plans, or mental illness and life intervene.
A family my dad played chess with also lived up the street from us going up, about a half mile away. Both sons were genius level and excellent chess players, much better than I was. When the younger son was 11, he was riding a bicycle with no helmet and was struck by a car, hitting his head on the pavement. He's been paraplegic in a wheelchair ever since with some neurological/cognitive loss, and that has been twenty years now. The older son got caught into some radical leftist political movements (back in the early 2000s before it was fashionable) when he went to college, and ended up with a fairly long legal record and some drug problems. He's clean now, but in his mid-30s with cardiovascular problems (according to his mom's Facebook posts), bussing tables at a local Chinese restaurant last I talked to him, which was several years back.
I'm sure she never thought that for one second her and her children's lives would turn out like this. She's mentioned that her family will be bankrupted going into retirement as a result of the paraplegic's consistent medical bills. He's 30 now, so I'm guessing he's on Medicaid.
I also grew up with a guy who is a couple years younger than me whose father died before he graduated high school, and the family was not well to do. His mother died a couple years back. The guy went to college and dropped out at 20. At 20, he looked like a flame out, but by 30, the guy is likely worth into the eight figures from the multiple businesses he's founded and sold, and last year cut a six figure check to the county school system for science education in memory of one of the science teachers he said he inspired him. He's achieved success beyond what would have ever been expected of anyone.
What do you do with a 28 yo son that refuses to accept that he is BipolarII? Ours is also a pothead, and refuses to accept that the drug is significantly responsible for his life troubles. He is always on the ragged edge. Calls in sick at least twice a month, always the Monday after a Friday payday when he buys his pot. Pathological liar about almost everything. Very hard on DW.
All 4 of mine are law abiders, productive citizens and live nice middle class lives, just as they were raised.
Emotionally, another story. We are a damaged lot, in that dept and I only really speak to the one still living at home (aged almost 18, going into senior year of HS); there wasn't any single point in time of disconnect/triggering event, we just spoke less and less as they grew older (mutually perpetuated). They don't speak to each other much either. No emotional connections, really, between any of us, if I'm honest.
Once they pass 30 I am pretty OK with how they are doing and think it takes maturity before you know. It takes awhile to see how they turn out. It is like baking a cake, there are multiple steps and it takes time for the finished product to know how it turned out.
I always believed that my son was a good person and would be a good man, but he was a handful as a teenager. I was right on my belief in him but he has had to work double hard to get there. Rebelliousness and stubbornness as a late teen and early adult can put you behind. But he has gotten past that, chose a good woman as a wife, has great children and good career. And it hasn't been easy, but as someone said sometimes the things that make you a difficult child can make you a success as an adult.
My daughter hasn't hit 30 yet but I think she will be OK. She did not face the same obstacles as my son but invented her own. There were times as a college student and young adult I had to intervene for her own good (safety). So we have had our 'moments'. But she seems to have found her place and her footing is pretty solid right now. She is happily married and going to have a baby this fall. She is loving her life and chose a loving man, so I am happy for her. It will be wonderful to see her as a mother. Motherhood does bring a new understanding. I think we have forgiven each other for our differences. And who knows how it will turn out when the cake is baked and decorated. I am sure whatever path she takes will be her own.
So yes, overall I am pleased with how my kids turned out. I just wish it hadn't been so hard to get there.
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