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Old 08-05-2017, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
Reputation: 12026

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Ansible90: I copied and posted below something you wrote that kind of hit me between the eyes, so to speak. How did we ever develop that attitude "must be always productive, contribute to society, and busy, busy, busy." I have felt guilt for years and years over these and have been able to conquer them, but it took a lot of "work" to realize I am still a worthwhile person if I don't keep up with those expectations.

I also used to focus on that song. Then I realized, that yes, this is all there is. It is up to me to find enjoyment in my life (and let go of the idea that a person must always be productive, contribute to society, and be busy busy, busy).

I checked your profile and see you are in VT; my nephew lives in Fairfax. I've been there to visit and love the area. However, I understand it has high COL. I'm in middle of NY state but thinking about moving to another part of this state. I like the Lake George and north areas but haven't checked the COL.
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
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DaveInMtAiry: You make a good point. I am already a member of a MeetUp group and do enjoy what time I spend with it. But think I need to start checking out the other groups. You are so right, so many to choose from with diverse activities.
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,748 posts, read 4,758,012 times
Reputation: 28398
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Do any of you feel lonely and like life passed you by? When I read some of these posts and hear you say "we" and "us" etc., I feel a tinge of envy.......
Someone using "we" and "us" doesn't necessarily have this:

Quote:
someone to share life with, someone you can count on to be there if/when you need them.
I've already given 24 years of my life in search of that and I still don't have it.
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
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Clemencia53: It does sound like your living situation keeps you pretty confined.

I have two cats that I love dearly. I sometimes look at them and think, "if it wasn't for you guys, I'd have more money and freedom".

While that may be true, they are staying with me. I got them from the SPCA. They came to me somewhat traumatized and they are adjusting to a calm happy loving home, but they still have nervous moments. Could not make them go through that again.
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
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jean_ji: That is a great story. I'm glad your friend met someone and is now living a happy coupled life.

Though from reading these posts, it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. More or less a crap shoot. And I believe my ability to pick out a healthy (physical and emotional) man is not so good. I have met a few guys over the 34 years of being alone, but none ended up being someone I wanted to stay with.

I will take your advice......live my life, be out there, what happens, happens. We never know.
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
Reputation: 12026
Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
fluffythewondercat[/b];49089465]Someone using "we" and "us" doesn't necessarily have this:



I've already given 24 years of my life in search of that and I still don't have it.

I was married for 21+ years. I wish I had been brave enough to leave much sooner. My ex was not a good man and left emotional scars on my kids (and me).

Are you brave enough to change your situation?
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:50 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,743 posts, read 4,381,013 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I am guessing this is mainly for those of us who are single, either by choice, divorce, widowhood. But it could also include married.

I'm just coming out of a bout of depression, seeing my life as the song sung by Peggy Lee.... "Is This All There Is?"

Lately it's been more painful than usual. I'm divorced 34+ years, have children but no close relationship with either one of them. The divorce was a tough one, found out some very sad things during and after. I was pretty much angry with men, lost any trust I might have with them, vowed I would never be interested in finding another.

Now at 75, I'm realizing how much I am missing a partner to get through the years that are left. I think I've wasted many years learning to be independent and having a fear of men. That question comes up (for me) a lot..... have I waited too long? Am I too old? Is there someone out there that I can have a mutual attraction with?

I know I have to make an effort of getting out there, having fun, discovering new interests, get a new attitude.

Do any of you feel lonely and like life passed you by? When I read some of these posts and hear you say "we" and "us" etc., I feel a tinge of envy....... how nice it must be to have someone to share life with, someone you can count on to be there if/when you need them.

Am I in need of a reality check?
As you know, I get depressed myself and I recently flirted with the idea of getting back together with my ex-fiance' after he got in touch with me after lo these many years. I'd have been jumping out of the frying pan and into a very hot fire with THAT man. But when we get lonely enough we can make some major life mistakes if we're not careful.

My mother remarried in her 60's and characterized hubby no. 2 as "better than nothing." Turned out that nothing would have been better than him. My Mom lost her chance to file for retirement benefits from my Dad's military retirement which would have been very generous and ended up with nothing financially when her 2nd husband divorced her when she was 78 (he was ten years younger).

I'd say continue to cultivate friendships with both men and women and try to stay active socially. Certainly it's possible to find a partner later in life, but it's also possible to lead a good life without one. Concentrate on living in the present and feeling gratitude for the good things in your life. This is what I try to remind myself to do and when I follow my own advise, it works. Hang in there, GF!
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Old 08-05-2017, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
Reputation: 12026
^^^^^^^^^^^ Thank you Colorado Rambler!

Good advice, thank you.

I've noticed any time an ex comes into mind when I'm feeling lonely I immediately remember why he is an ex and I lose any thought of him. As I said, my ability to pick out a healthy partner is practically null and void.
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Old 08-05-2017, 04:17 PM
 
4,492 posts, read 4,753,674 times
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Be careful what you wish for.
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Old 08-05-2017, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,690 posts, read 3,260,089 times
Reputation: 12026
^^^^^^^^^^ I agree with your statement, brava4.

Anytime I start thinking about it I make sure to insert "if it's your will for me" in a prayer to God.
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