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Old 08-06-2017, 04:41 PM
 
6,902 posts, read 3,906,291 times
Reputation: 15682

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
Well I can give you one reality check with that cliche that the grass always seems greener on the other side...

Not to minimize your feelings though.

I know a couple, widow & widower, that got married last year after a decent length relationship. They were mid-late 70's & healthy, very active socially, financially very secure, even well-off, well-adjusted & had a good sized church wedding, since they are both kind of traditional/conservative, with all the trimmings & honeymoon, etc....

A year & a half later he gets a stroke after being healthy his whole life. It's not awful, he can talk & walk slowly with a walker now, but he needs on site attendants for waking hours, doctor appointments, rehab.... you get the idea. She has confided that while she feels devastated & very bad for him she is very depressed about having to "go through this all over again" with another husband so soon. And of course feels guilty about that. They had planned for travels, family visits & companionship but she is with a 24 hour live-in patient now. So thinking about it now she is second guessing her idea of getting married late.

My aunt has a similar experience. Regretted the marriage and felt very guilty about those feelings. His family didn't help her care for him at all, which added anger to the mix.
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Old 08-06-2017, 05:49 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,473,087 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post

Do you need a husband? Why not just a partner to do things with? There are a ton of meet up web sites for seniors, I'd go that route.
I'm curious where you got the idea that the dating/meeting websites for seniors are a good idea, if you care to say.

OurTime.com Seniorpeoplemeet.com

Are you recommending them merely because they exist, or are you recommending them out of other knowledge?
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Old 08-06-2017, 06:33 PM
 
5,825 posts, read 13,347,117 times
Reputation: 9305
Join some groups, take a course at the local college, or volunteer. Meet people, enjoy their company. I lost the love of my life, my best friend and no one could ever take his place. I get lonely at times, miss him very much, yet I visit with friends, go to the senior center, out to dinner with the neighbors. I have friends all over the US, so I pick up the phone. I don't think you need a partner/marriage to solve your loneliness, just some companionship.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Kennett Square, PA
1,699 posts, read 2,615,894 times
Reputation: 2594
Never married and never wanted to which shocked friends and family. Have had some regret, but only from a financial angle which is the wrong reason anyway.

In terms of the OP's circumstances, they are certainly tragic - and difficult to bear. I would, as others have suggested, join groups to socialize so as not to feel so lonely and to keep the mind active. Even is there is no final marriage, there will always be friends to cherish.
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Kennett Square, PA
1,699 posts, read 2,615,894 times
Reputation: 2594
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I repped you for this and I'm a guy.
I repped her too - and YOU for supporting her opinion!
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Old 08-06-2017, 07:56 PM
 
380 posts, read 229,265 times
Reputation: 1001
Seems that many extroverted people need to be around people. We slow down as we age and lose touch with people. In the adult community where I live, many of the people turn to liquor and prescription pills to cope with this emptiness. As an introvert, I do not need people around. Life is good, no more groups, no more meetings, no more crowds, no more competition and no more commitments.

Last edited by slowdude222; 08-06-2017 at 08:00 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 08-06-2017, 08:10 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,430 posts, read 6,428,145 times
Reputation: 10018
It's true but my introvertd husband needs this extroverted wife. Only one. Haha.
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Old 08-06-2017, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,705 posts, read 3,274,740 times
Reputation: 12095
Just checking in. Have been reading everyone's comments and have had some thoughts.

I don't regard my circumstance to be tragic. My life isn't over yet. Who knows what might be around the corner? And I am not referring to a husband/companion/boyfriend.There are things I dream about doing that I haven't done due to financial shortfall.

However, the one thing I would say about tragic is that a few of my friends have died in the past two years.

I don't see anything wrong with another poster recommending social groups/dating sites. It's just another choice being thrown out there. Nothing wrong with that. It's up to me if I act on it, but it's nice it was suggested. I wasn't offended.

Re Johngolf's post...... I was really surprised to see a few of you were so upset about it. We do not know what he went through taking care of his wife through her terminal illness. Have any of us done that? Do we know what it feels like? What do we know about the young mother?? Did he indicate she was hoping for more than a very casual thing? How do we base our judgement??

There used to be a time in my life when the only exercise I got was jumping to conclusions.

One thing I try to do (and it took me a while to learn it)..... I try to walk in another person's shoes before I decide my opinion of that person. Our experiences in life are pretty much individual. What is "right" for us is not necessarily "right" for another person.
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Old 08-06-2017, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,344 posts, read 4,205,261 times
Reputation: 16025
Demographics are against you and will only get worse. There are simply way more women then men at your age. Not impossible to find someone, but the odds don't favor you.
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Old 08-06-2017, 10:17 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,473,087 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post

Demographics are against you and will only get worse. There are simply way more women then men at your age. Not impossible to find someone, but the odds don't favor you.
True! Yes, demographics. Also, older single men almost always or very often want a woman who is 5, 10, 15 years younger than he is. It's an accepted practice. Sometimes 20 years younger, particularly if he's in good shape, still good looking, has money, or has prestige.....(but even without possessing those factors)

(no need to give examples of where this did not happen; it happens enough to be a norm, accepted practice, expectation, or common occurrence.)

Last edited by matisse12; 08-06-2017 at 10:49 PM..
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