U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-07-2017, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,331,777 times
Reputation: 26385

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
hey , i resemble those remarks ......
I very intentionally used a male and a female example! And both are true! Don't want people to think I am a man hater. I love them!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-07-2017, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,242 posts, read 44,929,003 times
Reputation: 12831
Quote:
Originally Posted by MagnoliaThunder View Post
NYgal1542, your OP and the responses from other single women really struck a chord with me tonight. I just turned 66 yesterday, and I'm grateful to have reached this age...I am really hoping to live to be 100, because it seems there is just so much left that I want to see, do and experience. However, I believe that I have "wasted the pretty" and don't hold out much hope for finding a companion anymore.

I have been divorced for 35 years now. at the age of 31. In my 30s, which was I guess my peak physical age looks-wise and energy-wise, younger men ... MUCH younger guys...were drawn to me and there was a time when I would say, "If he asked me out, he must be 19"...I'm not kidding...I got carded a lot in those days, and really enjoyed dating younger guys. I also dated a few men closer to my age, but generally they were at least 10 years younger...

But I did all that to try to forget a young man who came into my life when I was 33 and he was, forgive me for the cliche, my soul mate. It actually seemed that we had known each other "before"...Fast forward and I intentionally went my way and wanted him to live his young life ... which he did...he married and divorced with a young child he raised, and since 2004 or so has been with, and finally married, a woman younger than him who has given him a great life, and two additional little daughters. They seem to have a wonderful and happy life and because I have always loved him, I am happy for him. (I only know what I have learned from Facebook, sad to say). But . . .

I compared every man I met to him, and no one came close. I stopped dating anyone before the new century even began and have not been in a social situation with a man since then. I always enjoyed my individuality, but, as you say, it seems it would be so nice to have a companion to do things with, to laugh with, to just be with. And alternatively, one of your responders said something so poignant and true, and that is that when you have something late in life, you know you are going to lose it too...

I am rambling to say I relate to you, and I see both sides of the coin. I have gone on Match.com and I get so depressed I feel suicidal (not really, but just horrified at what I see there). I think men my age scare me, and I don't want to be involved with someone who would criticize, judge me or expect me to wait on him.

Anyway, I don't know the answer...at this age, I don't feel that I could attract a man, and I am not attracted to most of them (unless Sam Elliott or Peter Coyote shows up)...so, I don't know what to do. I guess what everyone has said, it's best to just live one's life, show up for things and see where it takes you. I wish you the very best; in fact I wish us all the best and that we are able to accept whatever is "His will" for us at this point in life.
If you have a fishing boat on that lake, there is a certain class of man who will overlook A LOT if the boat is a good one. If you don't much like to fish, well, I guess you would not be interested in these guys.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 01:45 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post

If you have a fishing boat on that lake, there is a certain class of man who will overlook A LOT if the boat is a good one. If you don't much like to fish, well, I guess you would not be interested in these guys.
ha ha ha ha - that struck me as funny! Thanks for the good humor today! still chuckling.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 03:27 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,070 posts, read 2,036,182 times
Reputation: 5032
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
If you have a fishing boat on that lake, there is a certain class of man who will overlook A LOT if the boat is a good one. If you don't much like to fish, well, I guess you would not be interested in these guys.
LOL well Mitch, you never know. Maybe I'll go boat shopping! Thanks for that tip!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 03:32 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,148,018 times
Reputation: 10910
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I am guessing this is mainly for those of us who are single, either by choice, divorce, widowhood. But it could also include married.

I'm just coming out of a bout of depression, seeing my life as the song sung by Peggy Lee.... "Is This All There Is?"

Lately it's been more painful than usual. I'm divorced 34+ years, have children but no close relationship with either one of them. The divorce was a tough one, found out some very sad things during and after. I was pretty much angry with men, lost any trust I might have with them, vowed I would never be interested in finding another.

Now at 75, I'm realizing how much I am missing a partner to get through the years that are left. I think I've wasted many years learning to be independent and having a fear of men. That question comes up (for me) a lot..... have I waited too long? Am I too old? Is there someone out there that I can have a mutual attraction with?

I know I have to make an effort of getting out there, having fun, discovering new interests, get a new attitude.

Do any of you feel lonely and like life passed you by? When I read some of these posts and hear you say "we" and "us" etc., I feel a tinge of envy....... how nice it must be to have someone to share life with, someone you can count on to be there if/when you need them.

Am I in need of a reality check?
Reality check is, even if you have a partner, and even if the marriage is good (few are ... many are advertised good but it's keep up with the Joneses false advertising), in most cases, unless you marry a guy younger than you, you will be widowed. Often this occurs prior to or just as the serious aging is starting.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 05:59 PM
 
6,625 posts, read 3,752,330 times
Reputation: 13703
It's likely that you'd end up being a caretaker for an old man, rather than a loving companion to help YOU get thru life.

I think you could find someone. Most older men who are alone want someone to take care of them as they age and get sick. They are afraid, probably more so than you.

I suggest you focus on finding friends in your age range, so that you all can help each other through life, to the extent you are able. Think Golden Girls. You don't have to live together. Just in the same city.

But if it's love you want, and you don't mind ending up a caretaker, then go for it. There aren't many men left at that age, but if you're still attractive and fun to be with, you have a good chance of getting one. Go for it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 06:26 PM
 
394 posts, read 157,140 times
Reputation: 1103
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I am guessing this is mainly for those of us who are single, either by choice, divorce, widowhood. But it could also include married.

I'm just coming out of a bout of depression, seeing my life as the song sung by Peggy Lee.... "Is This All There Is?"

Lately it's been more painful than usual. I'm divorced 34+ years, have children but no close relationship with either one of them. The divorce was a tough one, found out some very sad things during and after. I was pretty much angry with men, lost any trust I might have with them, vowed I would never be interested in finding another.

Now at 75, I'm realizing how much I am missing a partner to get through the years that are left. I think I've wasted many years learning to be independent and having a fear of men. That question comes up (for me) a lot..... have I waited too long? Am I too old? Is there someone out there that I can have a mutual attraction with?

I know I have to make an effort of getting out there, having fun, discovering new interests, get a new attitude.

Do any of you feel lonely and like life passed you by? When I read some of these posts and hear you say "we" and "us" etc., I feel a tinge of envy....... how nice it must be to have someone to share life with, someone you can count on to be there if/when you need them.

Am I in need of a reality check?
It is never too late, but there are far more women at your age available than men. It is much harder, but not impossible. Someone will be out there that may want someone nice....you! I would join a car club, learn to play golf, join a bowling league, go to the senior center, walking club, volunteer at the hospital, local adult school, etc.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 06:32 PM
 
394 posts, read 157,140 times
Reputation: 1103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hefe View Post
Well I can give you one reality check with that cliche that the grass always seems greener on the other side...

Not to minimize your feelings though.

I know a couple, widow & widower, that got married last year after a decent length relationship. They were mid-late 70's & healthy, very active socially, financially very secure, even well-off, well-adjusted & had a good sized church wedding, since they are both kind of traditional/conservative, with all the trimmings & honeymoon, etc....

A year & a half later he gets a stroke after being healthy his whole life. It's not awful, he can talk & walk slowly with a walker now, but he needs on site attendants for waking hours, doctor appointments, rehab.... you get the idea. She has confided that while she feels devastated & very bad for him she is very depressed about having to "go through this all over again" with another husband so soon. And of course feels guilty about that. They had planned for travels, family visits & companionship but she is with a 24 hour live-in patient now. So thinking about it now she is second guessing her idea of getting married late.
What a good point!
I agree that future heath concerns is a consideration, and no one can predict the future.
I also know of a woman who went though a very tough end of life scenario with her second husband. She divorced her first husband. After the death of her second husband, she was fortunate to meet a very nice man. They fell in love and he wanted to get married. She sadly told him "no" for all of the same reasons.
She did stay with him until he died, but didn't want all of the responsibility of making all the medical decisions and ultimately burying him. She stayed with him until the end.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 06:36 PM
 
394 posts, read 157,140 times
Reputation: 1103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I was thinking about something like this today.

My situation is that I am in caretaker mode. I have too many animals and they keep me up at night. I haven't slept well in days. I look terrible. I exercise almost daily trying to wear myself out so I can sleep.

Then I have two ill siblings. One I don't have much to do with cuz he is PITA, but the other one I take to appointments and other errands. She looks terrible - heart failure.

So between the humans and the animals, I feel like this is all there is. Never sleeping, never going anywhere.

I do have a roommate that was once my "boyfriend", but we are just now roommates. But we get along well and both help each other out. We just do not do anything together. Which is fine.

But I also think about having a companion that I can just travel around with and have fun.

I have been reaching out to other people and getting involved in local groups. It helps. It also shows me how many people there are out there that feel the same way - even the ones in relationships. Something is always going on - kid problems, parent problems. Nothing is easy.

A carefree retirement would be great!!
Just join a few clubs that like to travel....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-07-2017, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,671 posts, read 3,246,905 times
Reputation: 11956
A lot of really nice posts...... great advice, thank you.

I'm not well off financially, so many of the activities suggested are not available to me.

But I have had time to digest much of what everyone said. I'm over being depressed, over feeling lonely (it comes and goes)........ I think being with the wrong guy or even the right guy who is ill would not be for me.

I will continue to do what I can do, get together with my women friends, my real desire is to move to an area that is close to water. Was hell-bent to move out of state but it's unrealistic for me due to lack of enough money. But there are a few places right here in NY state that I'm going to start looking into.

You've all been great. Thanks again for all of your ideas, suggestions, warnings.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top