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Old 08-09-2017, 07:48 AM
 
6,351 posts, read 5,085,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
The point was not for her to put in the bath bedroom or for you to think of reasons why it was a bad idea.

The point was for HER to figure it out herself so that she would buy into making a decision other than what she wants but what works best.

The point was to offer options so she could decide and own the consequences. Only then will she look at overall reality

Good luck.
Yes - this is good advice. Let them make up their own minds.

But it is hard to do. I've decided to just not go see disabled brother again.
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Old 08-09-2017, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,685 posts, read 17,651,107 times
Reputation: 27772
Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
The point was not for her to put in the bath bedroom or for you to think of reasons why it was a bad idea.

The point was for HER to figure it out herself so that she would buy into making a decision other than what she wants but what works best.

The point was to offer options so she could decide and own the consequences. Only then will she look at overall reality

Good luck.
She's moving that way but it's slow. A few months ago she was completely closed to the possibility of selling the house. Now she's moving along that line of thought.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:02 AM
 
6,351 posts, read 5,085,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
She's moving that way but it's slow. A few months ago she was completely closed to the possibility of selling the house. Now she's moving along that line of thought.
Good luck. I'm dreading this morning. Going with an ill sibling to her doctor appointment. Her DIL put it just right - she is like a child. And she refuses to tell her kids what is wrong with her. So I do that.

I refuse to let them be in the dark. And I hate that she puts this burden on us since she does have kids and usually lets us childless siblings know that - that we are childless so thus of no use - lol..

You know that is one reason I might feel this way and just do this cuz it is kind of my duty.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:04 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,371 posts, read 6,390,348 times
Reputation: 9967
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
A trilevel home with 1200 sq ft probably isn't a good candidate for adaptation.
Most U.K. homes I've been too are trilevel. My friend said the U.K. Government or NHS prefers for seniors to stay in their own homes. Cheaper for the government.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,446 posts, read 7,951,594 times
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Our plan is to spend every last dime before we go. We worked hard for it and we should enjoy it. The problem comes with finding that exact balance between spending and having what you need for long term care. We both have very detailed wills in case we go together in some kind of an accident. My last thought will be that his family doesn't get a dime. At least I'll go with a smile on my face.
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Old 08-09-2017, 08:22 AM
 
7,975 posts, read 5,065,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
... We are in a slow/no growth area and a lot of what is happening in the economy in mainstream areas doesn't even apply here. ...
Off topic, but important to mention: the entire buy vs. rent dynamic is backwards, in parts of the country like Serious Conversations (or mine). Buy a house, and 20 years later, it's declined in value by say 10% in numerical dollar terms, or 40%, once we account for inflation. Yes, of course, there are lifestyle advantages to owning vs. renting - advantages on which a price can't be put. But late in life, especially when one's mobility is constrained, perhaps those advantages dissipate.

Thus, the suggestion: what if grandma sells the house "as is", pockets the cash, and rents an efficiency-apartment somewhere in town? Then she enjoys the mental security of preserving her capital, while simplifying some of the logistics of personal-care.
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,685 posts, read 17,651,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
Off topic, but important to mention: the entire buy vs. rent dynamic is backwards, in parts of the country like Serious Conversations (or mine). Buy a house, and 20 years later, it's declined in value by say 10% in numerical dollar terms, or 40%, once we account for inflation. Yes, of course, there are lifestyle advantages to owning vs. renting - advantages on which a price can't be put. But late in life, especially when one's mobility is constrained, perhaps those advantages dissipate.

Thus, the suggestion: what if grandma sells the house "as is", pockets the cash, and rents an efficiency-apartment somewhere in town? Then she enjoys the mental security of preserving her capital, while simplifying some of the logistics of personal-care.
Agreed. I don't know about going down to an efficiency apartment, but I definitely think she should consider renting something. That would allow her to keep the cash and peace of mind.

She certainly isn't going to make out like a bandit with home equity. Comps in that subdivision have probably been sideways since 2000.
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,047 posts, read 5,913,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Well, 82 year old grandmother is beginning to reach a crisis point on the mobility issues, and aunt and myself are now helping her house hunt.<>
You have described her ideal as an Adult Living Facility. Maybe you should pose the questions over at Caregivers forum. My FIL was ready to actually buy into one where he and his wife would have been living in their own cottage. They then could move into the apartment style facility as they deteriorated.
Convince her she is buying the unit, maybe.
Seems like you may be missing some documents. There should be a Power of Attorney, Advance medical directive, Medical Power of attorney, Authorization to disclose medical information, and others. Does she have a will and does it provide for avoiding probate?
You should consult an eldercare lawyer at the very least.
Older (widows) tend to be very resistant to all this preparation.
Good luck.
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:52 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,371 posts, read 6,390,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
But some refuse to wear them!
My dad had to wear them in nursing home.
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Old 08-09-2017, 09:53 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,371 posts, read 6,390,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Cuz some people are weird about having things done to their house, even if it is free

My 100% VA disabled brother said no to a new shower and toilet because the ones he had recently installed had cost him a pretty penny. And to him a pretty penny is whatever is the cheapest at the home improvement store - ! So I say - go ahead and fall down - it is your right.

Actually he is a real pain in the behind.

It gets hard trying to help people like this. My mom was a breeze. Now I have another ill sibling that keeps forgetting how to check her blood sugar - !
I'm thinking of an outdoor shower for my sister when she gets old and feeble. She doesn't have a shower downstairs, only toilet. She can sleep in the large living room.
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