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Estate planning does not equate with "hiding" assets.
I don't think any one here who's talked about estate planning has said anything about, nor ever endorsed, "hiding" assets.
That's what "estate planning" is; sheltering (if you prefer that term) assets. Ask any elder attorney or visit one of their free seminars.
That's what "estate planning" is; sheltering (if you prefer that term) assets. Ask any elder attorney or visit one of their free seminars.
A good estate plan preserves your wishes for disbursement of funds and property and to the extent possible avoids legal fees, probate, and taxes.
This is prudent, not fraudulent.
Judge Learned Hand:
"Over and over again courts have said that there is nothing sinister
in so arranging one's affairs as to keep taxes as low as possible.
Everybody does so, rich or poor; and all do right,
for nobody owes any public duty to pay more than the law demands:
taxes are enforced exactions, not voluntary contributions. "
A good estate plan preserves your wishes for disbursement of funds and property and to the extent possible avoids legal fees, probate, and taxes.
This is prudent, not fraudulent.
Judge Learned Hand:
"Over and over again courts have said that there is nothing sinister
in so arranging one's affairs as to keep taxes as low as possible.
Everybody does so, rich or poor; and all do right,
for nobody owes any public duty to pay more than the law demands:
taxes are enforced exactions, not voluntary contributions. "
Irrelevant analogy as Judge Hand was discussing the payment (or non-payment) of taxes, not paying for one's own care. I think he'd have a vastly different opinion on that.
I find it interesting that people on this forum look down on poor people who require government assistance for food, housing and healthcare, but have no problem whatsoever with "estate planning" to give away their money to family members in order to receive government assistance to pay and provide for their own food, housing and healthcare in their final years.
I talked to my aunt yesterday morning and today. Grandmother called me before work to complain about her leg, how bad she hurts, how she can't get around, etc. I texted my aunt about it and told her there are decisions we need to speak to grandmother together about and figure out a plan.
Aunt's response yesterday was basically to see if she should ask grandmother to move in with her. I told her that I didn't think that was too smart considering she is going to be unemployed soon with no real job prospects in this area. She huffed and puffed a little bit over text. My aunt has been with this employer since 1983 and has zero experience job hunting. She is taking it very casually, but I do not think understands the reality of her situation being unemployed in her late 50s in an area with a weak economy and having no job hunting skills.
I talked to her this morning and heard the stepson's little boy in the background. She sold her stepson her and her late husband's house for about half market value several years ago when he got married. The stepson got his wife pregnant nearly immediately, then went to Afghanistan for a year and was in the national guard for a couple of years after active duty. He eventually started cheating on his wife with a hot younger girl. The wife moved back in with her parents with the little boy when hubby/wife separated. They never got a divorce.
Aunt admitted today the stepson's wife and the little boy are now living with her. Apparently the stepson's wife and her parents had a falling out. That's three generations in one 2BR condo, four generations when grandmother is there. The woman is stuck in a call center (passed all four parts of CPA exam and has a BS in accounting but could not get necessary work hours in this area because no places were hiring accountants) making maybe $40,000. However, hubby has taken on significant monthly debt, and she is tied to that. My guess is her credit is now too bad to rent anything.
Grandmother had my aunt take her out to shop for makeup today. Yes, literally, to shop for makeup. Meanwhile, the little boy was with them the entire time.
I feel sorry for my aunt in a way. My grandmother is taking advantage of her by using her to do things she can't do herself. My aunt's stepson is a serial and simultaneous philanderer, and aunt won't let her daughter in law or step-grandson to be homeless. Still, the daughter in law needs to do SOMETHING for herself.
The more I'm back in this area, the more I realize most people here in Tennessee are immature, unprofessional, incompetent, and could not find their way out of a paper bag. Most can't survive on their own. Many are profoundly screwed up.
I don't want anything bad to happen to my aunt or grandmother, but they are in this negative feedback loop, and other family contribute to it. I can say what I think but there is nothing I can do to prevent them from making idiotic and incompetent decisions.
I hear the same stories in my small poor south Texas town. It is amazing sometimes.
But you know what - they all seem to make things work out some way or another. That is amazing too. We worry and think about it, but it is a way of life and maybe they don't worry as much as those of us who are looking on?
My neighbor's Mom lived in her own house -- a block away from her daughter, our neighbor. But after a bout with illness and re-hab, she told our neighbor, "I don't want to live by myself anymore." She was 99. She just celebrated her 100th birthday in a lovely, assisted living facility.
Some elders have a lot of grit and spunk. But our neighbor's Mom couldn't have lived solo so long without a lot of help from her near-by daughter.
SC-you need to start thinking about steps to get yourself out of this situation. If you don't, you are going to be sucked in farther and farther to the point where you have no life of your own.
Have you thought of looking for a job several hours away? You could then periodically visit to check on things but would not be involved in their daily life.
It sounds as though your grandmother needs to be in an ALF. She will probably resist this but it's not right that you are spending so much of your time trying to deal with your family situation when you have your own life to live.
SC-you need to start thinking about steps to get yourself out of this situation. If you don't, you are going to be sucked in farther and farther to the point where you have no life of your own.
Have you thought of looking for a job several hours away? You could then periodically visit to check on things but would not be involved in their daily life.
It sounds as though your grandmother needs to be in an ALF. She will probably resist this but it's not right that you are spending so much of your time trying to deal with your family situation when you have your own life to live.
I doubt I'll be in this area for more than a few more years. Family is part of it, but the economy is too weak and I'm struggling to find a decent house. That wasn't a problem in Indiana.
Is there a pastor or a doctor your grandmother trusts who might be able to talk some sense into her? I've noticed that many older people resist more when younger family tries to get them to do something than they do with an outsider. Maybe it goes back to them being the elders and they're not going to let someone whose diapers they changed dictate to them. Role reversal can be difficult to accept.
If there is room for your grandmother at your aunt's place and both want her to live there, then I would back off and let them get on with it. Maybe your grandmother is enjoying living around so many people now. Loneliness can get to many older people, and she may actually be liking the fact that there are many people in the house. If grandmother chips into your aunt's household financially, it may be helpful to your aunt especially while she is looking for another job. Maybe the daughter-in-law will be useful in helping your grandmother when your aunt isn't available.
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