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Old 08-11-2017, 04:48 PM
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,673 posts, read 19,975,978 times
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Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
oh wait - he spoke first to the younger female and then the older female spoke up.

Maybe i'm not getting it - but I didn't see that as flirting, more of joking around.
Me too.
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Old 08-12-2017, 12:10 AM
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,953 posts, read 2,284,563 times
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Originally Posted by oldsoldier1976 View Post
coschristi very nicely said.

I am one of those who went through life skirting it with statements like the OP was referring to. I was a flirt is the sweet sense and if I flirted with someone who took it the wrong way I was quick to explain and apologize. I never used dirty words. It would almost always be flattery but it could be more subtle as well. I have many women who consider me a close friend and would not hesitate to come and hug me tightly. They all know I am very married and all of them could not compete with my wife. That doesn't mean though that they couldn't enjoy a compliment or two. Or to have a laugh and get their spirits raised.

So OP as to how old does a person have to be. I will say there is no age. Age is only a number. It is always a matter of tact and sincerity. If your words offend you can tell right away. It is a look in the eye. Don't hesitate to apologize. Generally after that it does lighten up. Until then flirt away. Life is too short to be serious.
Thank you! You are right; life is too short to be serious ... & stern & unpleasant. Ick! The thing is; you have nothing to lose by accepting a compliment graciously & that works with people, in general, of any age.

I remember being at a bar a long time ago & walking past a group of guys (maybe late 20's-mid 30's) when one of them said "Hey; youve got awesome ... lips!" I mean; it was kind of random & all his buddies cracked up but I just answered as if it were a simple compliment; I smiled back & said "Thank You" ...

Abiut half an hour later when I was leaving, he ran up to me & said "You know what; I am so sorry! You didn't deserve that. I said it because I thought all pretty girls were stuck up ... but then when you were so nice ... it made me feel like an a**!"

I was surprised & it made me think: Even if the attention is "negative"; I don't think you can make it worse by being gracious. In fact, if you respond with rudeness, you might just be taking the bait.

And if it's not negative attention then you don't risk hurting someone's feelings.

Originally Posted by retiredtinbender View Post
I have to say most of the responses are surprising to me. A lot of the replies are quite emphatic. I suppose it's where you live(d) and how you grew up. We're laid back and take life as it comes in most of my state, county, and definitely my town. "Dear" is a term of endearment here; said without malice and without taking offense.

I'm not talking about old men "hooking up" with young lovelies fro a little fun. Just old men, and sometimes women, who harmlessly flirt with us "young pups". I guess I line up with coschristi and oldsoldier. A lot worse places to be.
Kind of funny; I realized that while you are looking forward the age when this can start; I'm not looking forward to reaching the age when it will end!
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Old 08-12-2017, 06:59 AM
2,394 posts, read 2,063,137 times
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There are men that can just say hello to a woman and get accused of being a pervert and there are other men that can say about anything and women find it fine.

You are better off once you realize which of those guys you are.
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Old 08-12-2017, 07:00 AM
2,132 posts, read 1,005,162 times
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Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
Exactly. For example Clint Eastwood, he can never get away with this, nor can Chuck Norris. Nor Vladimir Putin for that matter.
Vladimir Putin! Ewwww! Now I'm going to have nightmares for weeks!
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Old 08-12-2017, 07:03 AM
2,132 posts, read 1,005,162 times
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Originally Posted by Deelighted View Post
They don't! I shuddered every time I heard my father talk that way to a waitress. Why do men think it's cute?
Thankfully my father NEVER talked this way to strange women. Or women he knew, either. Perhaps to his wife (my stepmother) in the privacy of their own home. Certainly not ever in public. He was far to respectful of women to treat them as objects like that.

He used to say he was a dirty old man for having married a much younger woman. Yeah. Six months younger. Makes a lot of difference when you're in your eighties.
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Old 08-12-2017, 08:35 AM
10,604 posts, read 14,205,380 times
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Default What?????

Originally Posted by retiredtinbender View Post
I think this would fit in this forum. If not let me know. I usually think of odd questions and it seems to be rubbing off on my coworkers. We had two people in where I work today, both in their mid to late 80s. No relationship other than being retired and here at the same time. The woman was at the counter and when the man came in he started flirting (as usual) with our 30 something y/o treasurer before coming to me. After, on his way out he paused, looked to the treasurer and said "If you can't be good, dear, be careful." To which the woman at the counter quipped "If you can't be careful, name it after me." We all just broke up laughing.

The question arose among us shortly after was at what age can you start getting away this. If I tried it, even at 61, I'd be scolded or thought of as a dirty old man.

So, at what age do you change from dirty old lech to cute, flirty, old duffer?
It has nothing to do with retirement it even happened AT WORK! And it's more psychology or relationships since apparently well known axioms make people totally crazed now.

I can't even follow this story.

Who were the two people who came in? A man and a woman or two men?

Who was the 30 something? The counter of what? A bank?

This story can't be followed but it doesn't matter.

Ok so the old MAN said "If you can't be good be careful" to a woman....and the YOUNGER WOMAN [? at the counter] made the comment about "name it after me"???

Or was she old too? Or was she a he?


This is an OLD joke/axiom and NEVER meant to be a sexual insult .....and a WOMAN was the one who made the "racy sexualized" comment. CORRECT? AND she was saying it WOMAN TO WOMAN. Let alone that her response is also well known.


The "be careful" part doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. It could also mean don't get pulled over, arrested, drunk, or whatever.

But in 2017 EVERYONE Is looking to be indignant and butthurt. And they excel at getting the story wrong, anyway.

When anyone says anything stupid to me, I just completely ignore it. It's not rocket science. You don't HAVE TO engage with people outside of the transaction discussion about you're doing.I do it all the time. Baggers at the store asking me questions about my food? I just stare at the monitor and ignore them.

Also QUITE hypocritical that all these modern women are basically totally without any "sexual hangups" anyway - naked selfies, glorifying sex workers, every issue of Cosmo cover with stupid crap about orgasms....blah blah blah... INCLUDING LIberal rags like Salon sticking up for pedophiles while meanwhile, some innocent old guy is SO OUTRAGEOUS for saying "...be careful".

Of course we're living in a time where morons think it's perfect NORMAL to remove statues of our former Presidents and erase our history so what do we expect.

Last edited by runswithscissors; 08-12-2017 at 09:03 AM..
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Old 08-12-2017, 08:55 AM
Location: Chicago area
14,407 posts, read 7,926,626 times
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Originally Posted by Hannah5555 View Post
This is totally different.

I think the point is that you will talk about anything with someone you know well enough. Had we talked about certain things when I first met lonely guy on the corner I probably would have thought of him as a dirty old man. However, since I knew him pretty well I never felt uncomfortable talking about certain things.

The OP talked about a comment made by a customer to staff that he wasn't sure crossed the line. Do the customers know each other outside of work? Do they have a casual relationship with him like I do with lonely guy on the corner? I don't think it makes him a dirty old man either way for saying what he said. I would venture to guess that we all have definitions about what could be considered a dirty old man. Some of the conversations I've had with lonely guy would make your toes curl if you're of a sensitive nature. What that customer said to the staff was just a definition of someone's sense of humor. Does this clarify my point ?
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Old 08-12-2017, 02:56 PM
8,977 posts, read 8,109,767 times
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What the OP has not stated, was the real relationship between a 30 year old women employee, and an elderly customer. They may have known each other for years, and such things the OP heard, may have been normal joking among close friends in their social group. And it was the woman employee that made the risque punch line. The old man, may have been her grandmother's boyfriend, or was someone that had watched her grow up, and in her family and friends, such joking was normal and not flirting. It may be if they did not do it, the other would feel something was wrong.
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Old 08-12-2017, 03:20 PM
2,063 posts, read 1,306,062 times
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To me, flirting is playful banter.
Hitting on someone is flirting with intent to move the romantic/sexual relationship further.

There's a huge difference between the mutual joking around the OP described and some lecherous guy of any age making crude comments and trying to push the conversation past the woman's boundaries. (Same goes for other gender combinations, btw.)

Where it crosses the line depends on tons of factors known and experienced only by the people who are interacting to begin with. There is no intrinsic rule other than, "Don't do stuff to or with other people that they don't want you to."

It's like the oft-repeated maxim of "It's only creepy if she doesn't think he's attractive."
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Old 08-13-2017, 04:46 AM
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,848,939 times
Reputation: 6379
Just don't be that DJ.

He was just stupid and crude. He actually should have been arrested for assault and he is damned lucky that he wasn't.
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