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Old 08-14-2017, 10:45 AM
 
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Joey Bishop said, "Son of a gun..."
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Old 08-14-2017, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Lake Norman, NC
7,187 posts, read 11,239,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
What's with the nasty tone? That person was just relating her own experiences.
I agree. I hope OP re-reads both posts and updates her reply.
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Old 08-14-2017, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,739 posts, read 20,026,274 times
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I think the message is profound, and I think making day-to-day memories is important also.

A little off topic, but still kinda on point:

I don't care about DH making a big deal for birthdays, xmas or Valentines.... it's the day to day stuff that matters to me.
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Old 08-14-2017, 03:26 PM
 
35 posts, read 23,622 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
What's with the nasty tone? That person was just relating her own experiences.
Now it's a bit different with grandkids because they don't live with you, but the point is you don't need a "cotillion" to make memories. on your next weekend off, go grab your grandbaby and have some serious 'grandma/granddaughter" time.



I did go back and read over what was written, and I can see how my tone could have been interpreted as being nasty. It wasn't. It was my knee jerk reaction to what I misinterpreted as someone telling me how because the grand kids don't live with me (they do). And so reading again I can see that part differently. Or not to wait for a cotillion to make memories (I don't), and what I should do on my next weekend off rather shot up my defenses because I had taken it personally. But now, when after reading it again (after work and not during my lunch hour), I can see from another point of view. I apologize.
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Old 08-14-2017, 06:49 PM
 
6,333 posts, read 3,590,603 times
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Through the days I was sitting with my mother, helping her to make her final passage, when she had enough energy she spoke of things she wanted me to do when she was gone. That's so like my mother!


One of the five messages was, "Remember me."


I recall being shocked that she'd even think it was necessary to say such a thing. How could I ever forget her? I learned a lot about the art of passing well from her not the least of which was how important it seemed to her that she leave memories of herself behind. I realized at that time the concern a dying person might have of being forgotten.


She had made that task of remembering easy for me. Not all of the memories are pleasant ones but I have a choice which ones I want to keep fresh. While she wasn't an easy mother to have she was a teacher and did have the habit of being full of all kinds of ideas to create experiences. She excelled at the gift of spontaneous surprise.


I do make a conscious effort every day to think of her and of something positive she left me. Often I think of one of my first memories of her sitting with a group of us neighborhood toddlers on the front law, sun shining on her hair, showing us how to make dollies out of flower blossoms and necklaces from dandelion stems.


No other busy mothers in the neighborhood took time to sit with us and at that moment in my admiring eyes she was the most beautiful, wonderful mother in the world to me. What a nice memory she created for me! And she taught me that creating memories for others was a gift. Thanks, Mom.
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Old 08-14-2017, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,560,668 times
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I think both the everyday and the special create memories. Maybe we expect special days to be memorable and when they are, so what? But the point is, they ARE. Everyday memories are unexpected and memorable for different reasons.

From my childhood I certainly remember the special events that my parents didn't attend...yes, bad memories are memories too...so no one should discount the "cotillions". If families think they can just skate by the big days and ignore them, they're sadly mistaken - funny breakfasts don't really make up for missed graduations and angry holiday celebrations.
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Old 08-15-2017, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,885 posts, read 1,410,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill8312 View Post
I think you are being very presumptuous. You do not know who I live with. Nor do you know how I spend time with my grandkids, Neither was the point of my thread.
?????

i was in no way commenting on your life. I was joining in the general discussion.

I thought the object of a discussion was to see different points of view?

ok, I'll play elsewhere.
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Old 08-15-2017, 07:13 AM
 
Location: SoFlo
783 posts, read 537,689 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill8312 View Post
I realize this may not fit within the 'retirement forum" but think again- that it may be since- reading the sticky heading "please do not report all general threads as off topic, etc.". which suggested that everything in the retirement forum need not be about retirement per se. I put this here because it is age, but not necessarily retirement, related. If in the wrong place, I'm sure it will be moved.

This thread is for me and my personal realization as I approach retirement age that I have more of life's journey behind me than in front. I do not suggest that mine is any different than the next person's, it's just mine.

Eight days ago, I receive a phone call about a dear friend my age (61) who suddenly developed breathing problems and was in the hospital. Other than his having had a heart attack in the past and was insulin dependent, I don't know the specifics of his medical history. What I do know, is that this month last year he was part of a group of us that was cruising in the Caribbean and this month this year they pulled the plug on him because he was brain dead with no chance of recovery.

Our Bishop says that, in this life, we should make a memory every chance we get.

I am a grandmother. And as I look back over my life, I don't remember any memorable interactions with my grandmother nor my grandfather. We may have gone to their house and they to ours, but there is nothing really, intimately, memorable. Then I decided on a more recent recollection attempt involving my parents, and discovered I have no real memories of intimate moments with them either.

Recently my granddaughter asked me if I was coming to her cotillion. I was poised to say no, "because grandma has to work". Then it dawned on me that it could be the reason why I have few memories of intimate moments with my parents is that they always had to work. And then I with my own boys (when I became a single parent), recalled my answers to them were often; "No baby, mama has to work".

But now, I'm looking (or seeing) things differently. There was no reason why I shouldn't go to her cotillion. Grandma does not HAVE TO work. From this work I am debt free and have accumulated enough savings to hold me until social security starts. I stand on my feet nine hours a day, six days a week and I come home with aching legs and feet such that I just want to prop them up until the tingling stops. So I called out, dressed in my black attire and went to my baby's cotillion. I cried to see my son and his daughter dance together. I'm glad I went. Two weeks later, after much internal debate, I called out again and went to the beach with my babies. (They exclaimed "Yay!-grandma is coming" when they found out I would be coming with them.) We laid close enough for the waves to rush up over us, made sand meatballs for the "soup", and wrote our names in the sand. They had a blast (and I did too). They get to add that memory the snow angels and snowmen we made during the blizzard, the latest dances they try to teach me (I can do the "nay-nay and dab!) ), the songs we sing sitting out on the deck ("you put the lime in the cocoa nut" ) or the basketball that grandma cannot shoot (but talks plenty trash as if she were once a champion).

I will miss my friend and I know that one day, I too will go away. And it is my hope that until that time, I have the privilege of continuing to plant forever memories in the lives of my five grandchildren. I don't know if I'm looking for comments, or shared stories, or whatever. This writing for me, is just pure therapy.

RIP "Aloysius".
What a beautiful post. And you have inspired me to do the same, my husband and I are all about the work, work, work and for what? We have taken no vacation so far this year, a few days wont hurt.
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Old 08-15-2017, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,885 posts, read 1,410,797 times
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thanks all
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Old 08-15-2017, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,968 posts, read 5,319,572 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
?????

i was in no way commenting on your life. I was joining in the general discussion.

I thought the object of a discussion was to see different points of view?

ok, I'll play elsewhere.
No need to play elsewhere. These boards are for commenting and giving your viewpoint.
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