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Old 08-20-2017, 02:26 AM
 
13,314 posts, read 25,546,272 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
IMO, this is going to be a much bigger issue than people give it credit for going forward. There will be a growing number of seniors, while maybe not orphaned by this article's definition, that are going to end up marooned in economically unviable areas.

... Many others will have to go to an ALF. Many of these seniors are going to end up effectively orphaned in small towns and rural areas that don't have a lot going for them.
It's not like an ALF is the end of the world. It's more that most of the seniors referenced likely don't have the money to pay for one. Also, it would likely involve a significant move anyway.
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Old 08-20-2017, 02:32 AM
 
Location: Garbage, NC
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Some assisted living facilities are really nice. My husband and I looked at one at one point for my MIL. The seniors all had their own little apartments that were more than adequately sized for one person -- 1.5x the size of my first apartment, which was also a one-bedroom. The place had tons of on-site activities, a shuttle that ran all day to take the residents to all sorts of points all over town (the mall, Wal-Mart, Target, etc). They have "chefs" on-staff to prepare meals that looked and smelled great, although I'll admit I didn't try them. ALF aren't terrible, if you have the money to pay for them. This one didn't advertise the price...only after we did a tour did we find out how much it would cost...and it was in the neighborhood of $7,000 a month.
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Old 08-20-2017, 02:46 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,208 posts, read 2,074,192 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
(Bolding mine -TheShadow)

You may regret it, but if he was living alone and fell, would you be happy knowing that he died in agony with a broken hip, naked on the bathroom floor, unable to reach a phone? Or in the case of my MIL, she would have walked off and not found her way back home, possibly falling prey to bad people, or even coyotes. My father lived with my step-mom in his earlier stages of dementia and, even with a loving spouse in the home, they had to get the state police with helicopters to find him when he wandered off into the woods around their home while she was napping. I remember an elderly man near us who drove off for hours in the wrong direction. He ended up being found dead in his car from hypothermia and dehydration on somebody's farm road, 2 days after he left home to go to a friend's house 20 miles away. They couldn't find him because they were looking in the direction of the friend's house. They never dreamed he would start in the wrong direction and drive until he ran out of gas more than a hundred miles from where he intended to go.

I know you are feeling this regret, but if what you did was done with love, and you honestly felt it was in your dad's best interest at the time, you did nothing wrong. You were only trying to protect him, and that's what most of us destined to become elder orphans would wish for.
Oh, that's an awful story about that poor man.

A few things - the "right to die" law, which in some states allows one to gradually pass on by choice is likely helpful for some, yet still would require assistance until the process was over. I think many wonder what they will be able to do ultimately, if having no support and maybe not enough money for care. I worry about my immediate family and ALL that needs being done after myself or another becomes incapacitated or dies suddenly. When I want to discuss this, it gets pushed aside. (Then others wonder why I experience anxiety). 😟

One concern I have is, though I would want to always continue having a pet, I will likely not get another after my current one is gone. It's just that, it is a big thing, after pets have lived comfortably, to suddenly not have their caretaker, as some end up in shelters. It would be good to know for sure that arrangements are made for them with another beforehand, yet some of us may not have that sort of support. Another may say, "OH, I would take them" and may even mean it, but unless it is "etched in stone", we don't know for certain. I hate the idea that a pet would be without what they are used to. (I have discussed and written something up for family, but unsure what would really happen. I suppose I need to go into that further).

I don't mean to make it more depressing.. (I am thinking of joining a group therapy, among other things).
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Old 08-20-2017, 02:48 AM
 
10,357 posts, read 7,974,037 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkmax View Post
Some assisted living facilities are really nice. My husband and I looked at one at one point for my MIL. The seniors all had their own little apartments that were more than adequately sized for one person -- 1.5x the size of my first apartment, which was also a one-bedroom. The place had tons of on-site activities, a shuttle that ran all day to take the residents to all sorts of points all over town (the mall, Wal-Mart, Target, etc). They have "chefs" on-staff to prepare meals that looked and smelled great, although I'll admit I didn't try them. ALF aren't terrible, if you have the money to pay for them. This one didn't advertise the price...only after we did a tour did we find out how much it would cost...and it was in the neighborhood of $7,000 a month.
So, putting it out of reach for about 99 % of the population. I don't know if it's true but there's that headline that the average American would have trouble paying for an unexpected bill of a few hundred bucks.
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Old 08-20-2017, 05:45 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
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Thinking out loud -- for those aging without the support of family -- how could they/we build a community of support?

Some belong to churches and form "church families." For those without a religious bent, how could a family of support be developed?

The Golden Girls concept is one way...do you know or think of other ways?
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Old 08-20-2017, 06:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Many elder orphans are divorced. That includes me.

Elder orphans are not just the 'never married'. Some are divorced or their spouse died - and with no kids.
True. Widows though have in-laws family usually. Divorced and widowed often find another partner (70% for divorced). Alone status is sometimes an inbetween thing. They tend to have more social networks built from years of being coupled. Divorced and widows are usually more accepted in social circles.
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Old 08-20-2017, 06:30 AM
 
13,874 posts, read 7,386,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Younger Boomers and some Generation X were able to secure good jobs in these areas, but many of their Millennial and younger children have had to move major cities to find decent work.
This is a myth. 70th percentile household net worth for age 55 to 64 is about $350K. The vast majority of late-Boomers and Gen Xers are going to be poor the minute they can't work. If they don't have children able to prop them up, they have a huge problem. The numbers are so enormous that the majority won't have access to subsidized elderly housing. When they age to the point where they can't live independently, there won't be the Medicaid budget to warehouse them in nursing homes. In the red states, they'll have minimal social services providing any safety net. When you project out 30 years and consider the very low birthrate of today's first Millennials, the outlook is pretty grim unless taxes and social spending go up tremendously.
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Old 08-20-2017, 06:35 AM
 
13,874 posts, read 7,386,288 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
It's not like an ALF is the end of the world. It's more that most of the seniors referenced likely don't have the money to pay for one. Also, it would likely involve a significant move anyway.
Yep. All ALF are private pay. You need $60K+/year to fund one. At the point where someone living alone has dementia problems or mobility problems where they can't live independently and you can't cough up the $60K+, it's a Medicaid-funded nursing home. That's certainly a "significant move".
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:06 AM
 
Location: Arizona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannah5555 View Post
Thank you. I lost my parents 30 years ago and my husband 20 years ago. Yes, I have a grown son, but he is 23 and is making his own way in the world and in no position to be able to help me. A comment earlier about writing a check or getting on a plane at a moment's notice is a fantasy for those of us who live in the real world.
That was my comment and far from a fantasy.

Do you expect your son to always be in that financial position? At 40, 50, and 60? I sure hope not.
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Arizona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BugsyPal View Post
Do not think poster was "sneering" at all; just addressing the reality that many seem to assume just because someone has children they are "set" in their golden years.


The real world out there by the way isn't getting any rosier far as old school family values are concerned. For those that do have close family relationships and or are that tight with their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.. that the latter would drop everything and go wherever if needed; God Bless and more power to them.


OTOH for many and the numbers are increasing the idea of "family" is becoming rather nebulous.


As boomer age no small amount of all that "freedom" and "me generation" is coming home to roost. All those divorces, remarriages, deserting a spouse to "find oneself" or whatever are leaving many older persons with plenty of messy family relations. Children that still do not speak to their father because of "what he did to mom" twenty or thirty years ago. Do you really think any of those kids are going to drop everything and travel several hundred miles (or even forty) to take care of dear old dad?
It is a possibility. An elder orphan does not have anyone that would do that, able to or not.
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