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Old 08-20-2017, 07:16 AM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,553 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19592

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
Widows though have in-laws family usually. Divorced and widowed often find another partner (70% for divorced). Alone status is sometimes an inbetween thing. They tend to have more social networks built from years of being coupled. Divorced and widows are usually more accepted in social circles.
Yes. Widows and divorced people often still have in-law family. Something the never-married don't have.
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,243 posts, read 8,538,301 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
That sounds great in theory, but it's not realistic for most people. We've been through this with my husband's parents. We could not just take off work, leave the pets, and hope on a plane at a moment's notice. We even had 3 weeks notice for his father's wedding and we were not able to attend. We just couldn't make it happen. Jobs dictate a lot in life. And most people have children so they can't yank the kids from school for a long period of time. Moving is also not an option for most due to their jobs, expense of moving, etc. So if you're all alone where you live, I do see you as an elder orphan.
Right...I think the point with true elder orphans is that they don't even have 5 or 10% "support" from anyone. Even if people have kids that don't currently give them any help, there is at least HOPE that might change in the future if the need was great enough. Elder orphans have 0% help and 0% OPPORTUNITY for help in the future. So is it so hard to see that might be a very different eventuality to ponder for them?
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Old 08-20-2017, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,950 posts, read 5,305,279 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
That sounds great in theory, but it's not realistic for most people. We've been through this with my husband's parents. We could not just take off work, leave the pets, and hope on a plane at a moment's notice. We even had 3 weeks notice for his father's wedding and we were not able to attend. We just couldn't make it happen. Jobs dictate a lot in life. And most people have children so they can't yank the kids from school for a long period of time. Moving is also not an option for most due to their jobs, expense of moving, etc. So if you're all alone where you live, I do see you as an elder orphan.
There are choices. You keep saying "we' and "people" It could be "I" and "person". One parent stays home with the kids and pets, family medical leave, saving your vacation days because you know you might get "that call", these and other things are choices YOU make. I realize it is not always possible but planning, as in everything else, betters the odds.
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Old 08-20-2017, 08:30 AM
Status: "Rock on ancient queen" (set 18 hours ago)
 
Location: Bakersfield, Ca
1,846 posts, read 1,372,022 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I checked that out about a year ago. At that time most weren't elder orphans. Even the article mentions kids that live far away. That means you are not an elder orphan! No spouse and no kids not far away or estranged or anything else.
Oh yes it can - very much so . Most of mine I am absolutely dead too because I simply could not and would not just constantly give them money I really did not have . They also make 3-4 x'smore . 3 I have not heard from in 15 years , one in 7 , one talks to me once every couple of years in secret ( private message ) so the others don't get angry with him . So no I don't belong but i'd rather be alone than broke , sorry . It is alone and in no way are these people going to be available . All over $$ and in NO way in 16 lifetimes are they going to be getting on any plane or moving 2500- 5000 miles or writing any check . I cannot join nor would I but I won't be hearing from them unless I won the Powerball and they somehow found out .


Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Or other family members either nonexistent or estranged. At least that's how the group was advertised when it first started. But it hasn't turned out that way.
This is realistic .

Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
That's what I found there too. I got into a few arguments about that. I am sure I would have been banned if I didn't leave on my own.
I can imgine .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 08-20-2017 at 08:43 AM..
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Old 08-20-2017, 09:00 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,181 posts, read 2,857,897 times
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I'm more worried about the nursing shortage than I am about not having children around to take care of me:

Nearly half of nurses consider changing careers as nationwide shortage looms, RNnetwork study says | Healthcare Finance News
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Old 08-20-2017, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
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There are some really good ideas, thoughts and examples being given here. Good discussions. This is what the FB "Elder Orphans" group should be talking about. They could learn from this thread.
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Old 08-20-2017, 10:28 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,925 posts, read 989,645 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
Yes, people die all the time alone in those terribly sad circumstances. My point earlier was directed to the poster who had moved to a rural area and was determined to die at home and resist his daughters' attempts for him to move near them. It's different when you have adult children who care about your well-being. My parent might want to live alone and die at home, but if I know that parent has regressed to the mental state of a toddler and cannot be alone at the very least I have a moral obligation to step in and help. What is an adult child supposed to do in this situation? Ignore it all and have their parent found dead after weeks?


Read the Caregivers forum and see how some of those children end up. Some of us would rather die alone. Doesn't seem sad to me. If they don't find me for a few days, it won't be pleasant for whoever does but I'm pretty sure it won't bother me.


I miss friends. People who could understand and empathize without feeling they had to interfere, but I want to make my own decisions for as long as possible, even if they are tough ones sometimes.


I want someone to call my children someday and tell them I am gone. I hope they will talk among themselves and remember me....... but I don't want them here now, telling me what I can or can't do.
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Old 08-20-2017, 12:41 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,553 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19592
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlb View Post
I'm more worried about the nursing shortage than I am about not having children around to take care of me:

Nearly half of nurses consider changing careers as nationwide shortage looms, RNnetwork study says | Healthcare Finance News
Home health care aides and certified nurse aides do most of the hands-on care for the elderly. There is a critical shortage in these fields because these types of caregivers are only paid 9 or 10 dollars an hour. Since the pay will never rise in these fields, no matter what, it's going to get worse. Scary worse.
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Old 08-20-2017, 01:13 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post

True. Widows though have in-laws family usually. Divorced and widowed often find another partner (70% for divorced). Alone status is sometimes an inbetween thing. They tend to have more social networks built from years of being coupled. Divorced and widows are usually more accepted in social circles.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Yes. Widows and divorced people often still have in-law family. Something the never-married don't have.
You really think that divorced people associate with the relatives of the husband or wife with whom they divorced?

That is just not the way it goes for the vast majority!

You seem to be thinking of this because if a couple has children, the divorced people with kids will still associate with the relatives of their divorced spouse because they are the kids' grandparents. (and aunts, uncles)

Divorced people without kids do not frequently keep a relationship with the relatives of their divorced spouse!!

Without having kids, divorced people rarely talk to or associate with the relatives of their divorced spouse again. The relationships are severed with the divorce.

Similar would be people with spouses who died. (although more than the divorced)

Without kids, you're just no longer part of the 'family' of your spouse upon divorce.

(and we're talking about elderly people so the in-laws would also be dead or very old)

(no need for anyone to cite examples, since statistically it is minuscule)

Last edited by matisse12; 08-20-2017 at 01:35 PM..
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Old 08-20-2017, 01:35 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,553 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19592
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
You really think that divorced people associate with the relatives of the husband or wife with whom they divorced?

That is just not the way it goes for the vast majority!

You seem to be thinking of this because if a couple has children, the divorced people with kids will still associate with the relatives of their divorced spouse because they are the kids' grandparents. (and aunts, uncles)
I said widows and divorced people. Many widows do still associate with their in-laws. Some divorced people do, also, although not as common.


They still have it easier in some ways than never married people. Widows may have gotten life insurance benefits after their spouse died; divorced women get alimony, child support or half of the marital assets. Never-married people get nothing unless they earn it themselves.

So, let's face it, never married people, especially women, have it harder. I don't think divorced people with children should be jumping on the "elder orphan" train. Gimme a break.
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