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Old 08-23-2017, 02:07 AM
 
1,705 posts, read 893,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
It has nothing to do with parents. It is about people with no spouse and no children.
Even if their spouse is gone and there aren't children, there could be cousins, nieces and nephews, or close family friends. A lot of retirement communities are opening up (starting at age 55 in some places) and frankly if you're alone and single, there are ways to get out and meet people. Volunteer. Do online stuff. Go to your high school reunion and rekindle some of those memories and friendships. Or make new friendships with old acquaintances. Get more active instead of those Christmas cards once a year. With the internet there are so many opportunities out there, many you can do at home. Mentor a teen or group of teens if you to do some 'parenting' and develop some relationships with younger people. Volunteer at a hospital or hospice and get to know the people before you need to make that step.


The only people who are truly alone make that choice to be that way. It's so easy to reach out to people now through a phone call, email, text, or visit.
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Old 08-23-2017, 02:34 AM
 
Location: Kennett Square, PA
1,699 posts, read 2,611,277 times
Reputation: 2594
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It's not about having someone to take care of them. It's about being alone with no living relatives once they reach a certain age. I've already seen lots of my family and friends die off.
Very true. Now my brother and I both left good jobs to take care of my parents (unusual circumstances). My Mother fell and was not able to rehab. I took her to live with me. At practically the same time, my Father went from "mild" Alzheimers to "full blown" practically overnight, and my brother moved in with him. We would not have it any other way and did not feel at all put upon - just exhausted. And we had a couple of hours "off" each week which wasn't much, but better than nothing.

After our inheritance (back when I was financially solvent) I showered my 3 beloved nieces, whom I have adored since birth, with a lot of "help." I gave two of them my used Subarus (purchased new by me) with only 40,000 miles, and the 3rd was given Dad's Buick, practically new. I gave them 10K each to help with home deposits. I helped with two of their weddings and gave showers. Their kids got lots of clothes, sports equipment, birthday parties, etc. I did NOT do this so they would care for me when I was old, though I did look forward to seeing their faces and talking to them from time to time as I was "going down," so to speak, but because I loved them so much. Five years ago, they all decided to dump me out of their lives, and utterly broke my heart.

So, yes, not all about being cared for, bur having their presence nearby. The blog I have here is about caring form my Mother. It's a short sort of journal where I would write a few things each week. If you should look at it, though. it begins at her death, so you have to go to the beginning. It has dates.
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Old 08-23-2017, 03:41 AM
 
11,181 posts, read 8,575,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
Someone to oversee the care you get if you are unable to do that yourself. Read the Caregiver forum for a while for examples.
Make as many arrangements in advance. Have medical directives documented. Have good attorneys and proxies.

Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1 View Post
All having to do with $$$, that some do not have much of.
Most will have decades to prepare as I'm doing. Get the best, highest paid jobs you can and save, save, save. I spend a lot of time over on the Work and Employment forum. It's hilarious when people only aspire to a $35k a year job because that's enough to get by. They aren't thinking decades ahead to retirement.
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Old 08-23-2017, 06:35 AM
 
7,822 posts, read 4,409,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellemint View Post
Are hit men on Craigs List?
I would use Angie's List. You want the job done right! :P
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Old 08-23-2017, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,700,326 times
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Elder orphans getting together with other elder orphans can make up a family of sorts. In my building there were two sisters who were real life orphans raised in an orphanage. As adults they lived together, bought a house together and when they could no longer keep up the house moved into an apartment together. They were sociable and made a small group of friends although one of the sisters had emotional problems due to their past history.

Then one of the sisters died. The one left had the emotional issues which were then exacerbated by her sister's death. Her friends and neighbors looked out for her since she literally is an orphan. She does get professional help but for day-to-day-living they make sure she's okay. Things like this are not uncommon here.

Maybe the majority of people have a good family support system to look forward to when they grow old but I don't think everyone should totally count on it. My example is an extreme case but it does point out that not everyone has this.

A person finding themselves in the position of being an elder orphan has to reach out to people. It won't encourage people to be on their side if they have a negative attitude that pushes them away.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:14 AM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,380,904 times
Reputation: 20439
Quote:
Originally Posted by soulsurv View Post
Very true. Now my brother and I both left good jobs to take care of my parents (unusual circumstances). My Mother fell and was not able to rehab. I took her to live with me. At practically the same time, my Father went from "mild" Alzheimers to "full blown" practically overnight, and my brother moved in with him. We would not have it any other way and did not feel at all put upon - just exhausted. And we had a couple of hours "off" each week which wasn't much, but better than nothing.

After our inheritance (back when I was financially solvent) I showered my 3 beloved nieces, whom I have adored since birth, with a lot of "help." I gave two of them my used Subarus (purchased new by me) with only 40,000 miles, and the 3rd was given Dad's Buick, practically new. I gave them 10K each to help with home deposits. I helped with two of their weddings and gave showers. Their kids got lots of clothes, sports equipment, birthday parties, etc. I did NOT do this so they would care for me when I was old, though I did look forward to seeing their faces and talking to them from time to time as I was "going down," so to speak, but because I loved them so much. Five years ago, they all decided to dump me out of their lives, and utterly broke my heart.

So, yes, not all about being cared for, bur having their presence nearby. The blog I have here is about caring form my Mother. It's a short sort of journal where I would write a few things each week. If you should look at it, though. it begins at her death, so you have to go to the beginning. It has dates.
Very sad... sometimes when things come too easy I see problems.

I have 4 nieces and 1 nephew... we have been extremely close but who knows what the future will bring.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:37 AM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,905 posts, read 18,914,045 times
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I could eventually become almost an elder orphan too. I'm moving soon to try to avoid it--there will be a cousin and her family in the next town. I never want to be a burden but I am thinking she is 10 years younger, has a husband and four grown kids. At least it was a name and phone number to put on the form for who to contact in case of emergency.

I hope that by living in an age restricted apartment complex, I will meet other people to be friends with. Also, it's a small town and has a lot of things to do and a great senior center. I'm not particularly outgoing but I'll have to try to be more extroverted. For now I do have a husband, but we all know those things can change in the blink of an eye.

What I worry about is end of life, that part where you need help if you live that long. I don't want to be a burden to my cousin and I can't afford to pay people to come in and take care of me all day. And someone to make those horrible life or death decisions and to oversee the care that you get. You can pay a lawyer to do that, I think, I hope. And I hope they don't charge a lot of money.

A lot of people are in this situation. I know of one who is in a wheelchair in her home and never gets out. Another who is very depressed because of glaucoma that has made her legally blind so she can't drive, can't go online. Both are trapped in their houses, alone and really can't go out and volunteer or do much of anything to meet people. And in both cases, there is a daughter who is a drug addict and no other kids.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,974 posts, read 5,324,230 times
Reputation: 18065
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
Even if their spouse is gone and there aren't children, there could be cousins, nieces and nephews, or close family friends. A lot of retirement communities are opening up (starting at age 55 in some places) and frankly if you're alone and single, there are ways to get out and meet people. Volunteer. Do online stuff. Go to your high school reunion and rekindle some of those memories and friendships. Or make new friendships with old acquaintances. Get more active instead of those Christmas cards once a year. With the internet there are so many opportunities out there, many you can do at home. Mentor a teen or group of teens if you to do some 'parenting' and develop some relationships with younger people. Volunteer at a hospital or hospice and get to know the people before you need to make that step.


The only people who are truly alone make that choice to be that way. It's so easy to reach out to people now through a phone call, email, text, or visit.
You are missing the point. Knowing people isn't the problem for me or most people. This isn't about being friendless. I already live in a 55+. It's what happens when they find you dead. Who makes the decisions when you are found in a coma and they don't know where your directives are, especially if you are out of town? Who do they call? Who takes the dog? Your will won't be opened immediately. Will you keep changing executors as people enter and leave your life? Who makes the decisions that you may be unable to make? Who has the authority for your care if you get dementia? How the hell does rekindling a high school relationship take care of any of that? Do you want to give control to a kid you mentored? Do you think they will listen to your golf buddy or a hospital volunteer?
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:48 AM
 
7,822 posts, read 4,409,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
You are missing the point. Knowing people isn't the problem for me or most people. This isn't about being friendless. I already live in a 55+. It's what happens when they find you dead. Who makes the decisions when you are found in a coma and they don't know where your directives are, especially if you are out of town? Who do they call? Who takes the dog? Your will won't be opened immediately. Will you keep changing executors as people enter and leave your life? Who makes the decisions that you may be unable to make? Who has the authority for your care if you get dementia? How the hell does rekindling a high school relationship take care of any of that? Do you want to give control to a kid you mentored? Do you think they will listen to your golf buddy or a hospital volunteer?
Why you make arrangements for all this in advance.
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Old 08-23-2017, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,700,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Why you make arrangements for all this in advance.
Yes and keep all the information in a place in your home where it can be found like a note on the 'fridge. Carry a card in your wallet saying who to notify in such circumstances. It can be a friend, a relative if you have one, attorney, conservator, social worker etc.

Really, people do this all the time. I have a journal I bought online entitled "I'm Dead, Now What?" It tells whomever needs to know whatever needs to be done after I shuffle off this morale coil just what to do.
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