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Old 08-23-2017, 12:24 PM
 
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I wanted to mention that not everyone can live in a 55+ dwelling/community where it is very easy to have people around you living a similar life of retirement, where it's easy to meet others of ages 55+ because you're all living there together, and where scheduled activities take place regularly, even daily, which make it easy to meet people right there in the apartment building or group of dwellings.

Last edited by matisse12; 08-23-2017 at 01:31 PM..
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:28 PM
 
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I believe the term people are searching for is "geriatric care manager." Someone you hire to act as your advocate, especially with respect to health care, and to assure that your specific care needs and final wishes are carried out.
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:28 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,445 posts, read 3,628,914 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
You are missing the point. Knowing people isn't the problem for me or most people. This isn't about being friendless. I already live in a 55+. It's what happens when they find you dead. Who makes the decisions when you are found in a coma and they don't know where your directives are, especially if you are out of town? Who do they call? Who takes the dog? Your will won't be opened immediately. Will you keep changing executors as people enter and leave your life? Who makes the decisions that you may be unable to make? Who has the authority for your care if you get dementia? How the hell does rekindling a high school relationship take care of any of that? Do you want to give control to a kid you mentored? Do you think they will listen to your golf buddy or a hospital volunteer?
I agree. No golf buddy or old high school chum is going to be able to make care decisions for someone or end-of-life decisions. Friends are great but they really aren't the answer here.


I know someone aging, never had kids (never wanted any) and has no nieces or nephews. So when her older family members have passed on, she will be alone. She has lots of friends but they're not going to become her caretakers. That is reality. Being a caretaker is a 24-hour a day job, depending on the level of assistance that someone needs.


If the elderly person is bedridden and has to wear diapers or use a bedpan, this is not something "friends" are going to do. Let me just be blunt here. It's not.
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:36 PM
 
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Several without family eventually had the county step in and make the placement.

I found one lady had fallen... only knew something was wrong because the newspaper and mail had not been picked up... it was next to a rental I managed and had come to know her for the lovely garden she maintained...

Anyway... I called 911 and after her hospital stay it was determined she could not go back home... I was called but had little to offer as I only knew her from being a neighbor...

Anyway, they found a nephew and he agreed to step in... made the placement and sold the home, etc...

Still went to visit her at least twice a month... at least she was sharp and realized being alone was no longer viable...

I made an offer for her home which was accepted and told her I would store some things for her in the detached garage... which she really appreciated.
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:43 PM
 
7,790 posts, read 4,381,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I wanted to mention that not everyone can live in a 55+ dwelling/community where it is very easy to have people around you living a similar life of retirement, where it's easy to meet others of ages 55+ because you're all living there together, and where activities take place regularly, even daily, which make it easy to meet people right there in the apartment building or group of dwellings.
Why not? Most are subsidized housing. (Not that everyone WANTS to...)
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:44 PM
 
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"If the elderly person is bedridden and has to wear diapers or use a bedpan, this is not something "friends" are going to do. Let me just be blunt here. It's not."


And, in 9 cases out of 10 (or maybe more), neither is your husband, if he hasn't died, or your adult children. At one time a large extended family with many women at home, not working, would've all pitched in and done this for a short time (old people didn't use to live so long or die so slowly), but many hands make light work. If it falls to one person, that's a lot to do. It takes a special person and a whole lot of love!
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:46 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 986,927 times
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https://www.hindawi.com/journals/cggr/2016/47232501


this scares me. "Elder Orphan" is a medical model used to describe patients without family/resources and it might one day be used against my wishes.

Best to make up names and numbers for contact information and next of kin and not to be too forthcoming with other information if you don't want "help".

Government programs based on this model might be a godsend to some, and on the other end of the spectrum, a nightmare for others who don't mind being alone and would rather let nature take its course than to be doctored to death. We might be a small percentage but I still don't want to be sacrificed for the greater good. I may have to move farther into the woods

I apologize for thinking that the term was just silly.
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post

Even if their spouse is gone and there aren't children, there could be cousins, nieces and nephews, or close family friends. A lot of retirement communities are opening up (starting at age 55 in some places) and frankly if you're alone and single, there are ways to get out and meet people. Volunteer. Do online stuff. Go to your high school reunion and rekindle some of those memories and friendships. Or make new friendships with old acquaintances. Get more active instead of those Christmas cards once a year. With the internet there are so many opportunities out there, many you can do at home. Mentor a teen or group of teens if you to do some 'parenting' and develop some relationships with younger people. Volunteer at a hospital or hospice and get to know the people before you need to make that step.


The only people who are truly alone make that choice to be that way. It's so easy to reach out to people now through a phone call, email, text, or visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post

You are missing the point. Knowing people isn't the problem for me or most people. This isn't about being friendless. I already live in a 55+. It's what happens when they find you dead. Who makes the decisions when you are found in a coma and they don't know where your directives are, especially if you are out of town? Who do they call? Who takes the dog? Your will won't be opened immediately. Will you keep changing executors as people enter and leave your life? Who makes the decisions that you may be unable to make? Who has the authority for your care if you get dementia? How the hell does rekindling a high school relationship take care of any of that? Do you want to give control to a kid you mentored? Do you think they will listen to your golf buddy or a hospital volunteer?
There is more to it though, Sollaces. First of all, not everyone has nieces and nephews. (I do not, for example) Or they have nieces and nephews who are not interested in being involved.
And not everyone has cousins in their life or cousins who live anywhere geographically close or cousins who one hears from or who are communicative.

And the topic of this thread is Elder Orphans, who are people who do not have any relatives who are actively in their lives, have no children, who have no spouse, no significant other and who find that all of their relatives are dead - parents dead, siblings dead- or other relatives who are not in their life or relatives very few in number or who do not communicate or who do not live geographically close or who are emotionally distant or too busy.

There is a multitude of literature, articles, and interviews describing the isolation among many of the elderly. It is a widespread social problem both in the U.S. and United Kingdom, for example. Isolation can befall the elderly. All of your suggestions do not really work for all of the elderly. And as one grows older, it's not always easy to glibly 'volunteer', and get out of the house to do activities. All of this is documented. It's been mentioned that those who do not experience it, often cannot conceive of it. This social problem has been documented.

In England, the government has started a program to try to help eradicate and make a dent in the great numbers of isolated elderly. I've seen articles on it and I've read interviews with the elderly. It's a national recognition of the problem (in England and United Kingdom) and helping to bring solutions to it, and trying to help.

Last edited by matisse12; 08-23-2017 at 01:38 PM..
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:54 PM
 
7,790 posts, read 4,381,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
https://www.hindawi.com/journals/cggr/2016/47232501


this scares me. "Elder Orphan" is a medical model used to describe patients without family/resources and it might one day be used against my wishes.

Best to make up names and numbers for contact information and next of kin and not to be too forthcoming with other information if you don't want "help".

Government programs based on this model might be a godsend to some, and on the other end of the spectrum, a nightmare for others who don't mind being alone and would rather let nature take its course than to be doctored to death. We might be a small percentage but I still don't want to be sacrificed for the greater good. I may have to move farther into the woods

I apologize for thinking that the term was just silly.
Well, this will be good news to the poster who wants someone to help her die!
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:56 PM
 
7,790 posts, read 4,381,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
There is more to it though, Sollaces. First of all, not everyone has nieces and nephews. Or nieces and nephews who are interested in being involved.
And not everyone has cousins in their life or cousins who live anywhere geographically close or cousins who one hears from or who are communicative, and have cousins instead who they've barely met or who show zero interest in being in contact.

And the topic of this thread is Elder Orphans who do not have any relatives who are actively in their lives or who find that all of their relatives are dead - parents dead, siblings dead, or other relatives who are not in their life or relatives very few in number or who do not communicate or who do not live geographically close or who are emotionally distant or too busy.

There is a multitude of literature and articles and interviews describing the isolation among many of the elderly. It is a widespread social problem both in the U.S. and United Kingdom, for example. Isolation can befall the elderly. All of your suggestions do not really work for all of the elderly. And as one grows older, it's not always easy to glibly 'volunteer', and get out of the house to do activities. All of this is documented. It's been mentioned that those who do not experience it, often cannot conceive of it. This social problem has been documented.

In England, the government has started a program to help eradicate and make a dent in the great numbers of isolated elderly. I've seen articles on it. It's a national recognition of the problem and helping to bring solutions to it, and trying to help.
Here's an excellent piece of advice re: loneliness or isolation... Learn to entertain yourself and enjoy your own company. You won't regret it as an "elder" or at any stage of life!


Speaking of life, I was hoping this thread would be more about living and less about dying. We all manage to do the latter, one way or the other (and it's probably much the same now whether you're an "orphan" or not).
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