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Old 08-23-2017, 01:02 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,468,547 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post

Here's an excellent piece of advice re: loneliness or isolation... Learn to entertain yourself and enjoy your own company. You won't regret it as an "elder" or at any stage of life!

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I agree. I have tons of interests! That's why I'd like to live a very long life. It's important to cultivate lots of interests in life or some which keep one vitally involved.
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Old 08-23-2017, 01:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I agree. I have tons of interests! That's why I'd like to live a very long life. It's important to cultivate lots of interests in life or some which keep one vitally involved.
Most people -- again, at ALL ages -- are absolutely petrified of finding themselves "alone." There are worse things, believe me! And once you realize you can survive it and even thrive that way, you'll be free indeed.
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Old 08-23-2017, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,717,890 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
"If the elderly person is bedridden and has to wear diapers or use a bedpan, this is not something "friends" are going to do. Let me just be blunt here. It's not."


And, in 9 cases out of 10 (or maybe more), neither is your husband, if he hasn't died, or your adult children. At one time a large extended family with many women at home, not working, would've all pitched in and done this for a short time (old people didn't use to live so long or die so slowly), but many hands make light work. If it falls to one person, that's a lot to do. It takes a special person and a whole lot of love!
Yes. Although it may help to live in an age related facility, not everyone who lives in this type of housing necessarily needs social or medical facilities on the premises. Not all places provide these services though. I picked one that did precisely because I was alone. And conversely, one doesn't have to live in an all inclusive housing situation to find these services. They are everywhere.

My friend I mentioned earlier who died of Cancer was only in her fifties. She lived in a regular small apartment complex. She was alone family-wise but not friend-wise. She had an attorney to take care of her small estate through a charitable organization. She had social workers keep in touch with closest friends of whom I was one to keep updated on her condition. Her hospital arranged it. Even one or two of her former co-workers checked in on her every day. A visiting nurse came by. Towards the end she went into hospice. I stayed with her almost to the last holding her hand.

The thing is, these things can be arranged. Too many people sit around whining without ever bothering to find out what's available to them. Her rotten family, she had been the victim of incest when she was eleven, could not have cared less about her. Her friends and those she met after she escaped them did. She was able to die peacefully knowing there were those who cared about her.
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Old 08-23-2017, 01:53 PM
 
14,041 posts, read 7,483,637 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Most people -- again, at ALL ages -- are absolutely petrified of finding themselves "alone." There are worse things, believe me! And once you realize you can survive it and even thrive that way, you'll be free indeed.
Until you start exhibiting dementia symptoms or some similar debilitating issue. My mother can't remember 30 seconds ago. If I weren't managing her affairs, she'd be in big trouble.

A bit more than two years ago, my sister and I were trying to figure out how my mother and stepfather managed to run a large single family home. We went to the grocery store with her where she'd shopped pretty much daily for years. Each item on the shopping list was a scavenger hunt like she'd never been in the store before. We had no clue how the bills were getting paid. It turned out my mother was the "bill paying fairy". A bill would come in the mail. She'd open it, pull out the check ledger, pay the bill forging her husband's signature, discard all the paperwork, and forget it ever happened. A few local trade people caught on and bilked them tens of thousands of dollars. The garage door guy vanished to Florida and has a local warrant for his arrest that will never be served. Two garage doors. $25,000.

My sister had flown in and we were planning to confront them that they needed daily hired help or they couldn't stay in the house. The morning of the day we were planning to have that confrontation, my stepfather went off in an ambulance and died a month later. I moved my mother to assisted living.
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Old 08-23-2017, 01:59 PM
 
11,205 posts, read 8,594,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Until you start exhibiting dementia symptoms or some similar debilitating issue. My mother can't remember 30 seconds ago. If I weren't managing her affairs, she'd be in big trouble.

A bit more than two years ago, my sister and I were trying to figure out how my mother and stepfather managed to run a large single family home. We went to the grocery store with her where she'd shopped pretty much daily for years. Each item on the shopping list was a scavenger hunt like she'd never been in the store before. We had no clue how the bills were getting paid. It turned out my mother was the "bill paying fairy". A bill would come in the mail. She'd open it, pull out the check ledger, pay the bill forging her husband's signature, discard all the paperwork, and forget it ever happened. A few local trade people caught on and bilked them tens of thousands of dollars. The garage door guy vanished to Florida and has a local warrant for his arrest that will never be served. Two garage doors. $25,000.

My sister had flown in and we were planning to confront them that they needed daily hired help or they couldn't stay in the house. The morning of the day we were planning to have that confrontation, my stepfather went off in an ambulance and died a month later. I moved my mother to assisted living.
Did these dementia symptoms appear overnight? I think those aging alone would be on the lookout for signs of cognitive decline and get the help/move before things get too advanced.
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Old 08-23-2017, 02:23 PM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,439 posts, read 3,988,804 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post


this scares me. "Elder Orphan" is a medical model used to describe patients without family/resources and it might one day be used against my wishes.

Best to make up names and numbers for contact information and next of kin and not to be too forthcoming with other information if you don't want "help".

Government programs based on this model might be a godsend to some, and on the other end of the spectrum, a nightmare for others who don't mind being alone and would rather let nature take its course than to be doctored to death. We might be a small percentage but I still don't want to be sacrificed for the greater good. I may have to move farther into the woods

I apologize for thinking that the term was just silly.
Link says "Page not Found". Any others?
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Old 08-23-2017, 02:34 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,927 posts, read 997,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michigan Transplant View Post
[b]

Link says "Page not Found". Any others?




Google "Elder Orphans Hiding in Plain Sight"


thanks for letting me know
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Old 08-23-2017, 04:01 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,228 posts, read 2,044,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yourown2feet View Post
I believe the term people are searching for is "geriatric care manager." Someone you hire to act as your advocate, especially with respect to health care, and to assure that your specific care needs and final wishes are carried out.
But when do you hire them? Before or after you have the stroke that leaves you unable to talk or care for yourself? That's the difficulty with planning ahead. Paying someone for years to be on call in case you need them could get really expensive.
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Old 08-23-2017, 04:25 PM
 
7,983 posts, read 11,687,331 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Until you start exhibiting dementia symptoms or some similar debilitating issue. My mother can't remember 30 seconds ago. If I weren't managing her affairs, she'd be in big trouble.
This. People plan on hiring the lawn mown, or using the county senior services van to get to the Dr. Or even making sure you have enough money to go into a nursing home. Thats fine up to a very limited point.

But all those lists of things to do, like having someone manage your affairs when you are disabled - there seems to be no answer for. Who pays the nursing home bill? If you are disabled, however whether its dementia or something else, and want to stay in your home, - who manages that? Finds staff, pays them monitors them?
This is where being alone is a big problem. I've never found anyone with an answer for this.
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Old 08-23-2017, 04:26 PM
 
11,205 posts, read 8,594,278 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Windwalker2 View Post
But when do you hire them? Before or after you have the stroke that leaves you unable to talk or care for yourself? That's the difficulty with planning ahead. Paying someone for years to be on call in case you need them could get really expensive.
That's the price we have to pay. I make that a part of my retirement planning just like LTC.

https://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/...-care-manager/

https://www.caregivers.com/blog/2014...-care-manager/

http://www.aginglifecare.org

Last edited by charlygal; 08-23-2017 at 05:26 PM..
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