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Old 08-23-2017, 05:39 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,481 posts, read 3,645,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
"If the elderly person is bedridden and has to wear diapers or use a bedpan, this is not something "friends" are going to do. Let me just be blunt here. It's not."


And, in 9 cases out of 10 (or maybe more), neither is your husband, if he hasn't died, or your adult children. At one time a large extended family with many women at home, not working, would've all pitched in and done this for a short time (old people didn't use to live so long or die so slowly), but many hands make light work. If it falls to one person, that's a lot to do. It takes a special person and a whole lot of love!

I do think family would be more likely to, though, than people who are just "friends" unless those are some pretty deep friendships.


I know lots of spouses who care for their spouse who is in a wheelchair or bedridden. Also many adult children who care for their parents like this.
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Old 08-23-2017, 07:19 PM
 
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Can't this be addressed in an Estate Plan that includes a trust, power of attorney, authorized signer for a checking account... etc?

Last edited by Ultrarunner; 08-23-2017 at 08:00 PM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 06:25 AM
 
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OR you could just accept that you're going to die one day and not spend your young, healthy years worrying about it. I don't plan to pursue any treatment for any illness except to preserve quality of life while I'm still relatively healthy and independent. That means I don't bother with the cancer tests over which this entire country constantly obsesses because a) it's not "prevention," it's merely early detection, b) I don't believe in chemo and radiation (in fact, I believe it kills as many or more people as it cures, c) I have no one to drive me, so d) I wouldn't do anything about it if they found it, and e) I'd rather enjoy life.


Maybe we need a separate thread about dying as an elder orphan versus living as one...?

Last edited by otterhere; 08-24-2017 at 06:38 AM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I do think family would be more likely to, though, than people who are just "friends" unless those are some pretty deep friendships.


I know lots of spouses who care for their spouse who is in a wheelchair or bedridden. Also many adult children who care for their parents like this.
From my observations, six of one, half dozen of the other. Support system one might build verses the support system one might be born with. It all depends upon the circumstances.
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:31 AM
 
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"I know lots of spouses who care for their spouse who is in a wheelchair or bedridden. Also many adult children who care for their parents like this."


Do you really? Because I'm the only one I know who did, and all of my contemporaries thought I was absolutely crazy to do it. "That's what nursing homes are for!" they all said. Most adult children, even if living nearby (many are not), have their own lives (jobs, spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, hobbies) which they are unwilling or unable to give up to provide what is really 24/7 nursing-home level care. Again, I did, and no regrets, but I'm definitely the weirdo here. And I honestly can't imagine a mere friend doing what needs to be done. But maybe you simply know a better class of people than I know.

Last edited by otterhere; 08-24-2017 at 09:40 AM..
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Old 08-25-2017, 01:32 PM
 
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A timely article:

No Spouse, No Kids, No Caregiver: How to Prepare to Age Alone | Wellness | US News
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Old 08-25-2017, 04:20 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,658,574 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
"I know lots of spouses who care for their spouse who is in a wheelchair or bedridden. Also many adult children who care for their parents like this."


Do you really? Because I'm the only one I know who did, and all of my contemporaries thought I was absolutely crazy to do it. "That's what nursing homes are for!" they all said. Most adult children, even if living nearby (many are not), have their own lives (jobs, spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, hobbies) which they are unwilling or unable to give up to provide what is really 24/7 nursing-home level care. Again, I did, and no regrets, but I'm definitely the weirdo here. And I honestly can't imagine a mere friend doing what needs to be done. But maybe you simply know a better class of people than I know.
It's good you were able to do this but there can also be some danger here. My mom was in an assisted care home. My older sister was the only one nearby and retired so out of the three of us siblings was able to visit my mom nearly every day. One time my sister thought she would be helpful getting my mom out of her wheelchair into her bed. One of the CA's came in the room and told her not to do that. She told her how often well-meaning friends or relatives of the residents try to help with things like that but they don't know how to do it properly so they have caused injuries to the very people they were trying to help. In these cases it's better to have professional help if at all possible. Family members might not have the capability.
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Old 08-25-2017, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,662 posts, read 3,241,188 times
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^^^^^^ Absolutely agree.

My late sister had cerebral palsy and was in wheelchair last 5 or so years of her life. It was hard to not be able to help her get on the toilet, etc. because I knew I could not hold her up. She weighed less than 100 lbs., and I am kind of a "big" girl, but my own back and arm issues were not strong enough to accomplish the task. I might have dropped her. Not good.
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Old 08-27-2017, 02:57 PM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,657,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
That's the price we have to pay. I make that a part of my retirement planning just like LTC.

https://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/...-care-manager/

https://www.caregivers.com/blog/2014...-care-manager/

Home || Aging Life Care Association
Interesting but there are only 2 in the entire state of Michigan.
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Old 08-27-2017, 03:03 PM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,657,672 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
"I know lots of spouses who care for their spouse who is in a wheelchair or bedridden. Also many adult children who care for their parents like this."


Do you really? Because I'm the only one I know who did, and all of my contemporaries thought I was absolutely crazy to do it. "That's what nursing homes are for!" they all said. Most adult children, even if living nearby (many are not), have their own lives (jobs, spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, hobbies) which they are unwilling or unable to give up to provide what is really 24/7 nursing-home level care. Again, I did, and no regrets, but I'm definitely the weirdo here. And I honestly can't imagine a mere friend doing what needs to be done. But maybe you simply know a better class of people than I know.
My mother took care of my father who had Parkinsons till he passed at...88? So she was 79. He could shuffle around if you were patient till the last few years when he was mostly in a wheelchair. He could still assist a little with standing a little thouh till just before the end and that made a lot of difference. I would try to help on visits like getting him in and out of the car to a Dr. appt but she would wave me off. It was very difficult to watch but she had a practiced approach, jam a knee here, lift that. She figured things out and got it done. Very very tough early life. Americans have gotten soft. Everyone trying to figure out how to get the government to pay for nursing home care.

Agree with your comments
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