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Old 08-30-2017, 03:06 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,222 posts, read 2,084,683 times
Reputation: 4843

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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
In2itive_1: I can only address the issue you have with your knee and possible need for surgery.

I have no one for support, either. It has been this way for many years. Every challenge that came my way (and there have been several) I kept telling myself that I could do it. I had to do it. No one to help me through it.

I needed knee replacement surgery 2.5 years ago. I was in hospital 3 days and then went to 10-12 day rehab. I knew it was going to hurt, I was kind of used to pain from pre-surgery life. So I knew I had to give myself an attitude change and I did. I didn't want to be disabled or handicapped. I made myself do all the exercises my P.T. gave me and she was a pusher..... she wouldn't let me off the hook.

Then I had to go home. Lived by myself (still do) with a cat to take care of. Before the surgery, I brought in plenty of easy fix food, frozen dinners (don't much like them now), soup, cereal, etc. Lots of cat food, etc. I did have a therapy nurse come to my apartment for two weeks, 3 days each to measure my progress, give suggestions, put me through my paces.

It does take a lot of determination on our part. We have to want it bad, and I did. I had visualized me moving to NC mountain area, which kept me going, that mental picture. Since then, I'm not moving. Don't have that desire anymore. But I am so glad I worked so hard to get through it.

Don't give up, don't give in to fear. FEAR = false evidence appearing real.
Thanks, I appreciate the info. Looks like you did well. The situation may change one day, though I am better since using supplements and doing some exercises, but here is what is troublesome:

I don't have $$ to board my cat and would otherwise need a family member to come in a couple times a day to care for her. She is not used to other people, is skittish, has special needs and I am used to her funny ways. I would be concerned the whole time. (When I was in the hospital recently overnight, my sister came in once to check on her and when returning the next day, she would not come out from under the bed and was hissing and growling...and this was only after being gone overnight).

Recovery concerns me, if I would be on crutches or what, getting around, needing to scoop the litter box, taking trash out, taking care of my needs and having to rely upon others to take me for appointments during that time. I don't believe a home-nurse is covered and as said, the entire medical costs would not be covered.

It's not the pain - been there, and am independent and capable. It's all this other stuff concerning me. (As said, having $$ could be freeing).
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Old 08-30-2017, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,246,905 times
Reputation: 11951
Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1 View Post
Thanks, I appreciate the info. Looks like you did well. The situation may change one day, though I am better since using supplements and doing some exercises, but here is what is troublesome:

I don't have $$ to board my cat and would otherwise need a family member to come in a couple times a day to care for her. She is not used to other people, is skittish, has special needs and I am used to her funny ways. I would be concerned the whole time. (When I was in the hospital recently overnight, my sister came in once to check on her and when returning the next day, she would not come out from under the bed and was hissing and growling...and this was only after being gone overnight).

Recovery concerns me, if I would be on crutches or what, getting around, needing to scoop the litter box, taking trash out, taking care of my needs and having to rely upon others to take me for appointments during that time. I don't believe a home-nurse is covered and as said, the entire medical costs would not be covered.

It's not the pain - been there, and am independent and capable. It's all this other stuff concerning me. (As said, having $$ could be freeing).
I set up things for my cat before I went to the hospital. I put her box where it would be easier for me to clean it every day. Her dishes were put on kitchen table. She was skittish and thankfully for the time I was away I had two neighbors who shared in her care. Yes, cats don't like change, but then I don't, either. But they can't rule the roost, so to speak.

My apartment got messy. I couldn't help it, no one was coming in to clean, cook, do laundry, etc. I didn't have crutches but did have a walker that I didn't use, I had a cane that came in handy.

And when it comes to the costs. You may not be able to do what I did, what I did wasn't really the "best" idea. But it was the only option I had as I am low income. I put costs on the credit card. We aren't given choices in those circumstances. At least I didn't see another option. And we need to take care of ourselves. Without our health...... what do we have? Even with money, if you don't have health, you don't have anything.
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Old 08-30-2017, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,542 posts, read 2,384,495 times
Reputation: 1961
I think I would be considered an elder orphan now. Widowed a year ago no children. I do have lots of family in OK KS and MO even AZ.Birthfamily I do not really even know very well. I have not seen any of them is well over 20 years so................ Not really estranged just live too far away. And I honestly do not like kids and that family is crawling with them. I would go out of my mind if I went back there. None of them are in good health so would not be able to help me if I needed it. If they came here It would just add more work for me.

I am so thankful I had my cataract surgeries done before hubby got too sick to help me with the driving. Fortunately I am in great physical shape. I do have arthritis but can control the pain for the most part. I am working on painting the outside of my house by myself and have completed a lot of new landscaping and fencing this summer. I work pretty hard when it is not over 100 degrees outside which it is going to be again today.

My goal is to just stay as healthy and strong as I can. Keep working around the place to make it easier to care for when I get older. HAHAHA Yes I am kidding myself I am already 68. Not sure what I will do if the time comes I need help. I have no plans to try for another relationship.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:42 AM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
231 posts, read 185,225 times
Reputation: 451
What a depressing thread, lol

For me, I don't want to live a day longer than when I can no longer take care of myself. That person giving their whole life to taking care of you? They get one shot at life too. Not very fair for me to have lived my life and then to spend my final years sucking another person's life away. I don't have kids but I'm married. I would take care of my husband however. No questions there.
For my parents, I give with limits. I have a lot of resentment toward them. They did the bare minimum for me growing up. This was the 70s/80s when parents didn't do for their kids near what parents do today. And even THEN I remember wishing my parents did more. They'd never in a million years drive me to school so I didn't have to sit 30 mins on the bus. They took vacations together and didn't think to take my brother and me. I went on my first vacation at 12. Meanwhile they had traveled extensively. And we only took that beach trip because my aunt and uncle were pressuring them so it turned into a big family trip. I mean I can't imagine having kids and going to other countries and never once think to take my kids somewhere! It was like we didn't matter.
There was a lot of emotional abuse as well before anyone thinks I'm whining about vacations. The point is they did bare minimum. My dad was an addict and my mom was his enabler. She'd turn on me in a second when I'd cry to her about him. I have a lot of issues with them. So yes they will get help. But I'll be damned if I bend over backwards taking care of them. My memory is long. I remember who is good to me and who isn't.

People tend to become selfish as they age. They say you revert back to childhood and I can see that. Old people can very much be like children who think the world revolves around them. Children have an excuse for thinking that way. Old people don't.
So I'll find a way to end things for me should the day come I can permanently no longer care for myself. If I can't do it legally then I'll do it illegally. May as well go out like a gansta.
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Old 09-01-2017, 09:06 AM
 
7,801 posts, read 4,391,333 times
Reputation: 11594
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLonelyGoatherd View Post
What a depressing thread, lol

For me, I don't want to live a day longer than when I can no longer take care of myself. That person giving their whole life to taking care of you? They get one shot at life too. Not very fair for me to have lived my life and then to spend my final years sucking another person's life away. I don't have kids but I'm married. I would take care of my husband however. No questions there.
For my parents, I give with limits. I have a lot of resentment toward them. They did the bare minimum for me growing up. This was the 70s/80s when parents didn't do for their kids near what parents do today. And even THEN I remember wishing my parents did more. They'd never in a million years drive me to school so I didn't have to sit 30 mins on the bus. They took vacations together and didn't think to take my brother and me. I went on my first vacation at 12. Meanwhile they had traveled extensively. And we only took that beach trip because my aunt and uncle were pressuring them so it turned into a big family trip. I mean I can't imagine having kids and going to other countries and never once think to take my kids somewhere! It was like we didn't matter.
There was a lot of emotional abuse as well before anyone thinks I'm whining about vacations. The point is they did bare minimum. My dad was an addict and my mom was his enabler. She'd turn on me in a second when I'd cry to her about him. I have a lot of issues with them. So yes they will get help. But I'll be damned if I bend over backwards taking care of them. My memory is long. I remember who is good to me and who isn't.

People tend to become selfish as they age. They say you revert back to childhood and I can see that. Old people can very much be like children who think the world revolves around them. Children have an excuse for thinking that way. Old people don't.
So I'll find a way to end things for me should the day come I can permanently no longer care for myself. If I can't do it legally then I'll do it illegally. May as well go out like a gansta.
Well, I in contrast had a wonderful mother and was more than happy to "sacrifice" a few years out of my life to make the end of hers more endurable. I also think it would do young people a world of good to see family caring for the elderly instead of warehousing them in institutions or throwing them away like trash (or, worse, have them feel obligated to check out lest they burden anyone). But different strokes!
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,668,169 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Well, I in contrast had a wonderful mother and was more than happy to "sacrifice" a few years out of my life to make the end of hers more endurable. I also think it would do young people a world of good to see family caring for the elderly instead of warehousing them in institutions or throwing them away like trash (or, worse, have them feel obligated to check out lest they burden anyone). But different strokes!
I don't see it as "warehousing." Like in my mom's case I wouldn't have been able to fit her wheelchair in my small apartment and I was working all day so there would have been no one to care for her. Another sister lives in Canada and if we were to have moved my mom there from the US she would have lost her Medicare benefits so there would be no medical care for her. This sister was also still working. Another retired sister in the US had a condo which was not at all conducive to a person getting around in a wheelchair who had lost the use of the half of their body as my mom had. It wouldn't have been safe for her.

The solution was to move my mother into an assisted care home a very nice one which she liked. My retired sister who lived in the same city visited her nearly every day. My mom liked being around people her own age and knowing there was someone around to help her should she need help at all times.

Now here's another thing, my mother always swore she never would live with her adult kids after they were grown and had places of their own. She was adamant about that. She wouldn't have any of her kids changing her diapers. It's a matter of pride for some people. She would have been humiliated.

I live in a senior apartment complex. Most of the people I know here feel as my mom, they would never want to live with their kids as long as they were able to take care of themselves and would absolutely not want to live with their kids if and when they needed taking care of. Again, a matter of pride. Also some people just don't get along with their kids or their spouses.

I think it is thoughtless to make someone to live in a place where they can't get good care if they need it or if they just plain don't want to. And not all elderly people want to live with their kids.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:31 AM
 
7,801 posts, read 4,391,333 times
Reputation: 11594
Granted, it's not easy to care for an elderly relative oneself these days, and it's easier to let "the professionals" do it. But, in my experience, the care they receive in such places is substandard to criminal (yes, I know; everyone's own relative is the exception to the rule). You have to rearrange and, in some cases, give up your own lives to do it, but love does that. I did it.


At any rate (not to get too far afield here), I'm simply saying no one should be obligated to check out early just to save others some inconvenience.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLonelyGoatherd View Post
What a depressing thread, lol

For me, I don't want to live a day longer than when I can no longer take care of myself. That person giving their whole life to taking care of you? They get one shot at life too. Not very fair for me to have lived my life and then to spend my final years sucking another person's life away. I don't have kids but I'm married. I would take care of my husband however. No questions there.
For my parents, I give with limits. I have a lot of resentment toward them. They did the bare minimum for me growing up. This was the 70s/80s when parents didn't do for their kids near what parents do today. And even THEN I remember wishing my parents did more. They'd never in a million years drive me to school so I didn't have to sit 30 mins on the bus. They took vacations together and didn't think to take my brother and me. I went on my first vacation at 12. Meanwhile they had traveled extensively. And we only took that beach trip because my aunt and uncle were pressuring them so it turned into a big family trip. I mean I can't imagine having kids and going to other countries and never once think to take my kids somewhere! It was like we didn't matter.
There was a lot of emotional abuse as well before anyone thinks I'm whining about vacations. The point is they did bare minimum. My dad was an addict and my mom was his enabler. She'd turn on me in a second when I'd cry to her about him. I have a lot of issues with them. So yes they will get help. But I'll be damned if I bend over backwards taking care of them. My memory is long. I remember who is good to me and who isn't.

People tend to become selfish as they age. They say you revert back to childhood and I can see that. Old people can very much be like children who think the world revolves around them. Children have an excuse for thinking that way. Old people don't.
So I'll find a way to end things for me should the day come I can permanently no longer care for myself. If I can't do it legally then I'll do it illegally. May as well go out like a gansta.

I think you would be fully justified if you refused to lift a finger to take care of your parents. I find your attitude generous, given the circumstances of your childhood.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,740,386 times
Reputation: 32304
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Granted, it's not easy to care for an elderly relative oneself these days, and it's easier to let "the professionals" do it. But, in my experience, the care they receive in such places is substandard to criminal (yes, I know; everyone's own relative is the exception to the rule). You have to rearrange and, in some cases, give up your own lives to do it, but love does that. I did it.


At any rate (not to get too far afield here), I'm simply saying no one should be obligated to check out early just to save others some inconvenience.

In my view, it is not "early" to check out when we reach the point where we cannot care for ourselves. Rather, it is exactly the right time.
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:07 PM
 
7,801 posts, read 4,391,333 times
Reputation: 11594
Babies, infants, toddlers, and children can't care for themselves. People of all ages throughout the lifespan, due to injury or illness, may find themselves unable to care for themselves (including Stephen Hawking). Are you suggesting that they also "check out"; are you endorsing assisted suicide and/or euthanasia for all these?
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