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Old 09-01-2017, 05:22 PM
 
Location: Arizona
5,967 posts, read 5,317,347 times
Reputation: 18031

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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
How many people actually kill themselves in this 'check out' manner and decision when they can no longer take care of themselves?

People in this Forum mention wanting to do it, but I've never heard of anyone actually doing it.

I really don't think when the time occurs, people who say they have that intention now, will actually carry it out.

What people often do is stop eating altogether (some stop water too) and they are then dead fairly quickly. This happens a lot in nursing homes. This seems much more likely than a person killing themselves in other ways. Nursing homes and staff allow it to be carried out, and do not force the people to eat.

I really don't believe the posters who say they will kill themselves. I can see some stop eating which induces death as described above.
I have known several. Hanging was the popular method with the people I knew.

An old friend, an EMT told me that senior suicide is much more common than people think.

Where I used to live they published the coroner findings and listed cause of death. There were always old people that died from self inflicted gunshot wounds, and hanging.

I am very surprised that you haven't known anyone that did it.
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Old 09-01-2017, 05:55 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,213 posts, read 1,352,704 times
Reputation: 6373
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Please don't let your cat be an excuse for something...in the bigger picture, you need to be healthier to take care of her for longer! Are there no kids around like middle-school age who could run and fetch things for you and care for the cat (even when you're home) for awhile who would work for peanuts? Maybe even just an hour a day would be enough to do the bare minimum...of garbage, litter box, putting things away or getting out things you anticipate needing for that day or the next? Obviously appointments are something else..uber is starting to get more popular, even in smaller cities. Or maybe someone you know could recommend someone who could ferry you around for a few dollars? You may need to get creative...we ALL may need to!
Well said.

When I hear someone say they can't take care of themselves because of an animal, I wonder how their values have become so skewed. So the cat will be upset for a few days. She will get over it.

If you need surgery, talk to the doctor and the hospital ahead of time. They can help you with arranging home care after surgery. There are people who specialize in finding help for people who need it. They know where to find the volunteers who are happy to help.
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Old 09-01-2017, 06:17 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 992,839 times
Reputation: 6995
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I have known several. Hanging was the popular method with the people I knew.

An old friend, an EMT told me that senior suicide is much more common than people think.

Where I used to live they published the coroner findings and listed cause of death. There were always old people that died from self inflicted gunshot wounds, and hanging.

I am very surprised that you haven't known anyone that did it.




My elderly neighbor shot himself in the heart with a small pearl handled pistol while his wife and I were in the kitchen waiting for him to come eat. I heard him get up and went to fix him some coffee. The next thing I heard was a pop like a cap gun and then the smell of powder.


She hadn't been home from the hospital long. I was going in 2-3 times a day. He had told me that morning not to come back today. I sat down beside him on the couch and told him that I would come whenever she called me because I had told her I would. He smiled and said okay. We liked each other. I had started mowing their grass earlier that summer because he wasn't able, and he had quit driving. He hated it.


She called me later about something she had got in the mail, and I helped her put the dinner on the table that her niece had brought them earlier.


Family and I all thought he would have killed them both if they had been there alone.


Haven't thought about this in a long time.
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Old 09-01-2017, 06:56 PM
 
13,325 posts, read 25,586,246 times
Reputation: 20520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
In my view, it is not "early" to check out when we reach the point where we cannot care for ourselves. Rather, it is exactly the right time.
We can all set those goalposts for ourselves. We can also reserve the right to move them if we want.
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Old 09-01-2017, 06:58 PM
 
11,152 posts, read 8,559,848 times
Reputation: 28151
This senior suicide thing...what's the problem? Personally, I don't support suicide, but it is the person's choice. I'm more disturbed by those who feel powerless and afraid as they age.
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Old 09-01-2017, 09:26 PM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,423 posts, read 3,977,201 times
Reputation: 8904
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
"We" as individuals means each person will decide for him or herself. It is not the same as having the government step in as in mercy killing. Mod cut.
I agree with you, ER. I did not for one minute think you meant "the masses". I knew you meant individual, personal decisions. How your comment got misunderstood makes me SMH.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
231 posts, read 185,824 times
Reputation: 456
Otterhere that is absurd to compare a baby to a 98 year old.

Thank you Escort Rider for understanding. Not only was my childhood less than stellar, but what gets me about my parents is their absolute lack of retirement planning. Their motto was "God will provide". They didn't save for retirement at all. The only money they have is from multiple loans taken out on their house and their social security. My father worked different jobs when I was growing up. His last job was at a grocery store where he quit because apparently the manager had talked snotty to him. He was embarrassed and offended. He quit and that was the last job he ever worked. He was in his early 50s. Imagine that. A man who is 53-54 who decides he's just not going to work again. My mom worked a little and then she quit. They had 401ks at one point because my dad had a good job in his 40s. They lived off of those until their social security kicked in.

Now tell me how I'm supposed to feel like it's my responsibility to give up my life to care for people who did so little themselves? I've sent them money many, many times. I paid my fathers $4,000 dental bill. But I'll be damned if someone is going to make me feel bad for not having them under my roof. My father loves insulting me. There have been times my husband just hugs me after we've left their house. He loves making fat jokes and I wear a size 12. I'm not skinny but not fat I don't think. I'd DIE if I had to have them living in my house. My father insulting me and my mother making excuses for him and getting mad at me for getting mad at him. No thanks. I'd rather walk off the nearest cliff.

I do know quite a few people who have parents living with them. And growing up I knew many people who had grandparents living with them. One thing they all had in common was that it was financially beneficial for those families having grandma living with them. Grandma helped pay bills, Grandma sold her house and gave them money, they took most of Grandma's SS check each month.
Now my one friend has her mother living with her. She told me her mother paid off a good portion of my friend's mortgage when she moved in. Shortly after her mother moved in my friend got a nice new SUV. Then when I was over their house in the one hour I was there I watched my friend's mother do laundry, load the dishwasher, do some cleaning and then grab her keys and left with my friend's daughter to drive her to practice. My friend is 51 and her mother is 79. She said her mother didn't want to live alone. Understandable. But it was very clear that Grandma moving in was a huge benefit to my friend and her family. It's very quid-pro-quo.

This is not saying that everyone whose senior parents live with them benefit financially. But let's be honest, many times that is the case. Some people make out pretty damn good when their senior parent or parents move in with them. And they have an extra hand around the house when grandma is helping with chores or making dinner. So those people can check their halos at the door and stop pretending they are martyrs. I got their number. And for those people who don't benefit at all financially and get absolutely nothing in return for caring for aging parents and changing a diaper, God bless you. What you are doing is wonderful. But it doesn't mean that other people are wrong for not wanting to spend their golden years doing that.
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Old 09-02-2017, 01:22 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,242 posts, read 2,090,186 times
Reputation: 4853
Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1 View Post
I have a bad knee, resulting in Osteoarthritis in later years after having injured it many years ago when quite young. I would get Cortisone injections occasionally which help, and my Dr. recommended surgery, but what concerned me would be three days in the hospital and what all would be is needed while recovering at home without consistent help. I have a pet and the Dr. said "Well, surely you could board her". (Also, the surgery would not be entirely covered). I have since found that taking supplements has helped some, but am still limited. (I am not taking walks around the neighborhood or climbing stairs).
Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1 View Post
I don't have $$ to board my cat and would otherwise need a family member to come in a couple times a day to care for her. She is not used to other people, is skittish, has special needs and I am used to her funny ways. I would be concerned the whole time.

Recovery concerns me... I don't believe a home-nurse is covered and as said, the entire medical costs would not be covered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Please don't let your cat be an excuse for something...in the bigger picture, you need to be healthier to take care of her for longer! Are there no kids around like middle-school age who could run and fetch things for you and care for the cat (even when you're home) for awhile who would work for peanuts? Maybe even just an hour a day would be enough to do the bare minimum...of garbage, litter box, putting things away or getting out things you anticipate needing for that day or the next? Obviously appointments are something else..uber is starting to get more popular, even in smaller cities. Or maybe someone you know could recommend someone who could ferry you around for a few dollars? You may need to get creative...we ALL may need to!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
Well said.

When I hear someone say they can't take care of themselves because of an animal, I wonder how their values have become so skewed. So the cat will be upset for a few days. She will get over it.

If you need surgery, talk to the doctor and the hospital ahead of time. They can help you with arranging home care after surgery. There are people who specialize in finding help for people who need it. They know where to find the volunteers who are happy to help.
I guess I shouldn't have brought this up. This reminds of that old game "telephone", where something is said into one's ear, then after it being passed along, something gets lost in the translation.

I am really in pretty good shape and getting around (just not climbing mountains, etc). I am doing what I can to care for my knee. Until and if it becomes more serious or necessary for surgery, it's on the back burner.

What bothers me, as said:

* The assumption by Dr. that anyone could just "afford boarding".
* The surgical costs not being fully covered, or home health care.
* Relying upon one (maybe two) people to be hauled around and for care afterward, which can become stressful.
* Being able to count on someone who would properly care for my cat, enter apartment and close up, etc. (There is not even guest parking available for others, either).
* Concerns about cat for the time away, since she only knows me and is fearful.

There are no "school-age kids" to help - I'm in an apartment building - or others than mentioned to be counted upon to shuffle me around or help out. My values are not "skewed" just because the needs of my "unusual" cat are of concern to me and she is not an excuse to avoid surgery. Even if I did not have a pet, I have concerns about relying upon others, afterward. I have to feel secure in a situation and also, not worry about additional costs.

What I was trying to express initially relates to my finances and not having much support, which is what I thought this topic was about, but may have partly confused it with the "living on a shoestring" thread.
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Old 09-02-2017, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,761 posts, read 12,745,402 times
Reputation: 16629
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
How many people actually kill themselves in this 'check out' manner and decision when they can no longer take care of themselves?

People in this Forum mention wanting to do it, but I've never heard of anyone actually doing it.

I really don't think when the time occurs, people who say they have that intention now, will actually carry it out.

What people often do is stop eating altogether (some stop water too) and they are then dead fairly quickly. This happens a lot in nursing homes. This seems much more likely than a person killing themselves in other ways. Nursing homes and staff allow it to be carried out, and do not force the people to eat.

I really don't believe the posters who say they will kill themselves. I can see some stop eating which induces death as described above.
If there were more attractive suicide options, I'm sure more people would do it. I personally don't like the idea of hanging, shooting myself, jumping from a height, etc. However, if provided with an easy and effective method that isn't scary, bloody, or gruesome, I would certainly prefer that over getting too old to function.
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Old 09-02-2017, 11:02 PM
 
5,431 posts, read 3,458,283 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post

If there were more attractive suicide options, I'm sure more people would do it. I personally don't like the idea of hanging, shooting myself, jumping from a height, etc. However, if provided with an easy and effective method that isn't scary, bloody, or gruesome, I would certainly prefer that over getting too old to function.
So now you're back-pedaling? You're really not going to kill yourself?....since there are no good methods, according to your thinking?

You are #2 who has piped up now to back-pedal the killing of yourself when you can't easily take care of yourself on your own in old age.

Which is my point exactly - people who repeatedly pipe up about intentions of killing themselves will almost 100 percent not do it. So writing it here is not valid.

Actually in your analysis of not scary, bloody, or gruesome, why do you leave out so many methods that are not any of those? Such as putting a plastic bag over your head - what could be easier. Or taking an overdose of a drug. Or sitting in a garage in a car with the motor running for carbon monoxide, painless and fairly easy.

I just don't buy the loose talk of killing oneself. (2 have already backpedaled) But I don't need to buy it. (and besides it is rarely true)

(And now you've changed it from 'unable to take care of yourself' to 'too old to function'.)

As an aside, both my grandfather and my father stopped eating to induce their deaths in a nursing home. They were both 85 or 86. (maybe grandpa was a little older) As I mentioned, this is not uncommon in a nursing home and the staff goes along with it.

Last edited by matisse12; 09-02-2017 at 11:21 PM..
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