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Old 09-05-2017, 02:22 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 988,107 times
Reputation: 6931

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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Google pet sitting in your city. There are services that charge under $50 a day. You just have to be willing to trust someone. Or you choose to live with deteriorating health. If you get too sick, then what happens to your pet?


I will figure it out. Did you miss that part?


I have been trying to understand why yours and others posts irritate me so much. I think its because if I had access to some of the resources that are suggested, I wouldn't consider myself an "orphan".


Maybe it is social, psychological, emotional, etc problems that get a person into the sort of isolation that makes them an orphan, and that's why its so hard to have people telling you about all the easy solutions to your problems.


And before I get in too deep..... I don't consider myself an "elder orphan". I worked in home health/hospice services and I am a hermit of sorts so I think I can understand how you get there.


whew. this thread has run the gamut

Last edited by newcomputer; 09-05-2017 at 02:24 PM.. Reason: punctuation
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Old 09-05-2017, 04:08 PM
 
4,508 posts, read 2,121,582 times
Reputation: 9532
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post

I have been trying to understand why yours and others posts irritate me so much. I think its because if I had access to some of the resources that are suggested, I wouldn't consider myself an "orphan".

lol. I know why on my part. I really, really, really hate having to repeat myself because people are too damned dumb to get it the first time. They don't read, they don't listen, they don't think. The only way to get through to them is to smack them down. And then you're the bad guy because you're perceived as rude.


It's just as bad in real life as it is on forums.


There...I feel better now.
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Old 09-05-2017, 05:03 PM
 
11,122 posts, read 8,531,120 times
Reputation: 28084
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyNameIsBellaMia View Post
lol. I know why on my part. I really, really, really hate having to repeat myself because people are too damned dumb to get it the first time. They don't read, they don't listen, they don't think. The only way to get through to them is to smack them down. And then you're the bad guy because you're perceived as rude.


It's just as bad in real life as it is on forums.


There...I feel better now.
I read. I listen. My personal motto is "don't focus on the problem. Focus on the solution." When presented with a simple problem like finding a pet sitter, I try to provide help. Otherwise, you can go on choosing to feel hopeless and powerless.

By the way, as someone who will age and retire alone, I don't consider myself to be an "orphan." I've lived this way all of my life. Why would it be different in retirement and old age?
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Old 09-05-2017, 08:05 PM
 
5,425 posts, read 3,445,259 times
Reputation: 13698
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post

By the way, as someone who will age and retire alone, I don't consider myself to be an "orphan." I've lived this way all of my life. Why would it be different in retirement and old age?
I agree. But the way it can be different is that a once strong person is suddenly somewhat weak or weakened from a former strong state. Or one progresses to a less than strong state.

I'd say especially in one's mid to late 70's and 80's, one's approach to the world and being in the world can be different than before.

I know you're 39 - which is quite young - when one is no longer working, the world can take on a different hue, and be seen through a different lens.

(I know you've said that you will deal with things, particularly if any problems progress over time)

Last edited by matisse12; 09-05-2017 at 08:38 PM..
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Old 09-06-2017, 12:05 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,207 posts, read 2,079,260 times
Reputation: 4834
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyNameIsBellaMia View Post
No...No...No...No...No...No...

Stop it! Stop trying to shame someone into having help when they clearly don't. This thread is about aging WITHOUT SUPPORT! Without Support isn't that hard to understand.

My dog is my world. She cannot care for herself. There is absolutely nobody to care for her if I can't. And NO, there isn't a doctor or hospital on Planet Earth who will help you find someone to care for your beloved pet. Volunteers? Surely, you jest! Good God...where do people get these ridiculous ideas?

Here's a thought: You keep your kids. I'll keep my dog. And stop being critical of people who love their pets more than most people love their kids.
Thanks for this. I think that some do not get that we are not all the same personality-wise or have the same situations. The assumption is for some, that everyone can or should do the same, by looking through their eyes and their own outlook, situations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
I and others are not shaming her. We are attempting to offer possible solutions. And to point out that sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own situations that they cannot see the obvious solutions.

As to this thread being about elders without support, the person we have been trying to help has a sister who helped in the past. Not an elder orphan.

BTW, I am a dog lover, but I don't believe I am the only person on this earth who can take care of my dog. There are many others who are also loving and capable. If need be (if I can't care for him), I will find someone to take him, be it for a few days or forever.

I think you mixed up a few things. A doctor or hospital can help you find home care for after surgery. One of the gazillion pet rescue orgs in this country can help with the pets.
Another assumption - about family members. Did you ever think of the situation where being reliant upon another can sometimes involve being abused? I had mentioned how some are not equipped to pay for "extra costs", either and do not necessarily have access to those who could just "help out". (It will be something to research for, if and when, I need to have a reputable pet-care person. Some of us are particular about what we want and need).

There is a young woman in my building who has a cat. She obviously likes them, however, allows her cat outdoors. She recently told me she was fostering 2-3 kittens (which I didn't meet, since she does not seem to be home much). I went over to give her something one day and as she opened the door, I smelled such a stench, realizing the cats must be "going" all over the carpet. Eek. She seems like a nice girl and was good enough to foster animals, yet we see how some do things. (I think she may be depressed).

There was a previous neighbor whose cat once approached me outside by the gate. I followed the cat back to the neighbor's door, being ajar. I kept calling the neighbor's name, wondering if she was okay or what. I decided to take a quick look, seeing that the neighbor was not there and the cat's water dish had a dusty or waxy-layer on top..?? I dumped it out, cleaned and refilled the water dish. There was a mess of dry food left, too. I then locked up and left a note, telling her what happened. She later came to thank me.. she was not sure if she hadn't closed the door well, or what. (Apparently, she would also travel a few days, leaving her pet without care - something I could never do). Now, I would be the kind of responsible person who could help out a neighbor if they asked, yet not sure about these other types, for myself. (I don't think management wants people having keys to other's units, either.. different from those who have a home and a trusted neighbor).

When young, I tried working with a pet-sitting service, for ONE day. We ran around from house to house, picking up the old plates, putting food on the floor and running off. I questioned all the cleanliness aspects and his not giving attention to the animals. (I realize, obviously not all pet-sitting services operate like this for sure and if I ever did it myself, I would do things responsibly and spend quality time with a pet). People do things differently and even a family member, who isn't really into pets, is not one I feel so great having care for my skittish pet. (Another thing, pet's personalities are not all the same, either).

As mentioned, I began responding recently here AND in the "shoestring" thread simultaneously, which is similar, touching on the same - lack of support, lack of $$ - so it became a little confusing as to which was which. I think some purposely have wanted to discuss (1) having little or no support and (2) not being so well-off.
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,655 posts, read 3,239,300 times
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This has been quite a read, tho admittedly only the last two pages. Interesting posts, thank you all.

This has been one of those weird mornings. I am a night owl, usually up till about 1 a.m. or a bit later. I have two cats and one of them is very persistent about getting me out of bed between 4 and 5 a.m. That gives me all of 3 hours sleep. I resent my cat at times for doing this. I know from experience I need about 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. My other cat is much different. Always waits for me to get up whenever. I do at times put the first cat out of the bedroom and shut the door and in the morning he is leaning on the bedroom door. There is always fresh water and kibble so there is something there for them to drink and nibble on if I'm not right there to put down some wet food. But increasingly they take one or two bites of the wet food and then leave it which irritates me. I've tried different brands, different textures, different flavors. Nothing seems to please. But they do eat kibble when that is all that is left.

So today I'm sitting there, feeling miserable, achy all over. I've just written something in a thread which I now realize was foolish. Something about not feeling old at 75. What was I thinking? I've been fighting it for a while now. And then beat myself up for allowing this to happen. I'm not terribly active, get little exercise, don't always eat right. No wonder I feel awful, right?

But it did occur to me today that when I consider age and my life experiences, I'm actually doing better than some. I want the physical strength to come back, but I've gotten lazy and don't want to put in the work to get at least some of it back. My thyroid function is just fine but did recently get diagnosed with multiple nodes on the thyroid gland. All were biopsied, all were benign.

I'm looking to accept myself as I am. That I am not that "kid" anymore who pushed herself a lot farther than she should have at times. I've talked about moving but have finally realized I can't and I won't. Moving is, as most of you know, a lot of work.
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:14 AM
 
7,795 posts, read 4,383,926 times
Reputation: 11588
As for the pet situation... If you don't have friends or family that you are SURE (many people think they're SURE , and those poor animals end up suffering in shelters) will care for your pets as their own after you no longer can, I recommend making arrangements for them to be humanely euthanized if anything happens to their home and owner. Believe me, having long been familiar with shelters and rescues, a quick and painless death(especially for seniors) isn't the worst thing that can happen to them. Feeling alone, afraid, confused, and bereft in a strange, noisy cage or cell - separated from the only happiness and security they've known - to suffer or, worse, be adopted to a negligent or abuser owner - is worse.
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:16 AM
 
7,795 posts, read 4,383,926 times
Reputation: 11588
"There is always fresh water and kibble so there is something there for them to drink and nibble on if I'm not right there to put down some wet food. But increasingly they take one or two bites of the wet food and then leave it which irritates me. I've tried different brands, different textures, different flavors. Nothing seems to please. But they do eat kibble when that is all that is left."


Might they not have more of an appetite for the wet if they weren't always nibbling on the dry? Just an idea!
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,303 posts, read 4,151,370 times
Reputation: 18284
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyNameIsBellaMia View Post
And to think there's a fool out there (with birds, no less) who thinks I've failed her. lololol
Who's the fool: the one who's made provisions to insure that her animals won't die of neglect if she suddenly can't care for them, or the one who has not?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyNameIsBellaMia View Post
This thread is about aging WITHOUT SUPPORT! Without Support isn't that hard to understand.
No, that is not what this thread is about, because most people understand that aging entirely without support is not likely to happen for most people. A huge amount of luck is required, and luck is too fickle a thing to ever rely on it. What this thread is about is what the alternatives are for those people who can't (for whatever reason) count on their relatives to provide that support should it ever become needed.
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Old 09-06-2017, 11:10 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 988,107 times
Reputation: 6931
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
i read. I listen. My personal motto is "don't focus on the problem. Focus on the solution." when presented with a simple problem like finding a pet sitter, i try to provide help. Otherwise, you can go on choosing to feel hopeless and powerless.

By the way, as someone who will age and retire alone, i don't consider myself to be an "orphan." i've lived this way all of my life. Why would it be different in retirement and old age?


you are 39????????


well, let's say that (heaven forbid) you break both your legs in the next ten years, and you manage fine on your own because that's the kind of person you are. Then 30 years later the pain in your legs is bad enough that even you must take a small amount of pain reliever which makes you a little dizzy, kills your appetite, etc, etc, and you fall and break your arm or maybe your hip, and if they have to operate, you don't come out of surgery exactly 100% the person you were before they put you under......


those are all reasons why things might be different in "old age"


I have a grandson a few years younger than you. If he spoke to me as you have, I would insist we have a serious conversation

Last edited by newcomputer; 09-06-2017 at 11:46 AM..
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