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Old 03-28-2018, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,549 posts, read 2,390,939 times
Reputation: 1961

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nevada2012 View Post
In my 30's I was immortal.

Well yes me too. Not so much any more. LOL
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Old 03-30-2018, 10:41 PM
 
19 posts, read 17,225 times
Reputation: 29
No matter what your criteria are, I feel we ARE elder orphans. We had two children who are now grown. They have both turned their backs on us & we are feeling the sting. Son has not spoken to us in 8 years, daughter took away our 2-yr-old granddaughter at C'mas & hasn't spoken to me since but does speak to Husband. I helped care for her since age 2 mo. The point of the matter is, we are moving to another state & have their STUFF to take with us, which I resent. We have to hire total strangers to help us. We helped daughter & her boyfriend move many times. We have their baby memory boxes which I don't think I could throw in the trash though they've thrown me there. Not feeling sorry for myself but wish I'd never had kids. My dogs are my saving grace. I hope that where we move to will be friendly because where we are now is not. I tried to introduce myself to newcomers in the neighborhood by bringing a card or a flower from my garden & it didn't work out. The ONLY people we met here that have been nice to us are from the home state we are moving back to & they're young enough to be our kids. Wish we could adopt them but they are happy with their parents. I've tried joining Estranged Parent groups but I don't want to sit & whine about 'how could they'. I know it happens a lot today & I did not get along with my mother. Perhaps I wasn't a good model for loving your parent. Never had a dad but my Husband did so much for those ingrates. So did I. Just hope I can face my declining years with dignity & leave whatever fortune we don't spend to a worthy charity. Thank you for being here to listen. I'm not real outgoing but just hope I meet a friend or two to enjoy life with. PS _ Didn't have kids expecting them to take care of me in older years. My mother was born in a foreign country & left her home to come to USA so she wasn't there to help her parents either.
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Old 03-31-2018, 09:29 AM
 
750 posts, read 1,268,812 times
Reputation: 1825
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
I checked that out about a year ago. At that time most weren't elder orphans. Even the article mentions kids that live far away. That means you are not an elder orphan! No spouse and no kids not far away or estranged or anything else.
This is true. I've participated in this facebook group off and on since it started.

Unfortunately, the creator of the group allowed in anyone who said they "felt like" orphans because their families weren't nice to them or didn't include them in their lives. Many of these folks whined so much, I understood why their families avoided them!

Still, it is a good group and I've learned to move along in the threads, finding many that were helpful as far as finances, estate planning when you have nobody to leave your house and money to, and finding help for such things as medical tests that require a family member be present during the procedure.

An example of the last thing I mentioned: I found I was not alone in not having colonoscopies due to the local hospital's insistence that a family member bring you, stay for the whole thing, then take you home. If you don't have a family, and you don't want to ask a friend to take an entire day off work, what can you do? Nothing. You don't get the test. Depending on where you live, there are agencies that will send someone to do this for you. Not cheap, but it's an option I was not aware of.
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Old 03-31-2018, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,549 posts, read 2,390,939 times
Reputation: 1961
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dorie53 View Post
No matter what your criteria are, I feel we ARE elder orphans. We had two children who are now grown. They have both turned their backs on us & we are feeling the sting. Son has not spoken to us in 8 years, daughter took away our 2-yr-old granddaughter at C'mas & hasn't spoken to me since but does speak to Husband. I helped care for her since age 2 mo. The point of the matter is, we are moving to another state & have their STUFF to take with us, which I resent. We have to hire total strangers to help us. We helped daughter & her boyfriend move many times. We have their baby memory boxes which I don't think I could throw in the trash though they've thrown me there. Not feeling sorry for myself but wish I'd never had kids. My dogs are my saving grace. I hope that where we move to will be friendly because where we are now is not. I tried to introduce myself to newcomers in the neighborhood by bringing a card or a flower from my garden & it didn't work out. The ONLY people we met here that have been nice to us are from the home state we are moving back to & they're young enough to be our kids. Wish we could adopt them but they are happy with their parents. I've tried joining Estranged Parent groups but I don't want to sit & whine about 'how could they'. I know it happens a lot today & I did not get along with my mother. Perhaps I wasn't a good model for loving your parent. Never had a dad but my Husband did so much for those ingrates. So did I. Just hope I can face my declining years with dignity & leave whatever fortune we don't spend to a worthy charity. Thank you for being here to listen. I'm not real outgoing but just hope I meet a friend or two to enjoy life with. PS _ Didn't have kids expecting them to take care of me in older years. My mother was born in a foreign country & left her home to come to USA so she wasn't there to help her parents either.
Maybe you could rent storage sheds for each child pay first months rent with a note of what is contained in them and walk away from their stuff. If it is important to them then they will claim it. Course I suppose there are legalities of them not signing the rental paper work etc.

My birth mom, I found her when I was 32 years old, and step dad stored years worth of stuff for the kids even moving it three times across country and in the end all of it was lost to the hoard my birth mothers house now is.

I did join Elder Orphans as even though my birth mother is still alive I have not seen her in over 20 years now. Half siblings in over 30 years. It is not like I am close with any of them. A comment on facebook once in awhile is all. Yes some is my fault for not making the effort to go see them but they all live so far away and so expensive for me to travel and it is not like we are close emotionally. I do not really even know them. Only seen one half sister twice in my life and the other three times...........bla bla bla. I also left the group. I felt there was too much fighting over if you really were the orphan you claimed to be. Whatever.

I live in a very unfriendly neighbor hood. The one man that is half way friendly might speak to me once a month or so. More in summer because I collect his grass clipping for mulch for my yard. I was just thinking today is day 5 of not speaking to a human. OH well. I only worry I could be laying in my house dead for a very long time before some one discovers me. My poor animals. I try not to go there in my brain. I hope your new place is more friendly.
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Old 04-01-2018, 04:04 PM
 
5,433 posts, read 3,470,096 times
Reputation: 13714
'elder orphan' does not apply just to the Facebook group.

'elder orphan' usually applies to older people who are without a spouse, without children (or sometimes estranged from their children), and without relatives who are living or have relatives who are not active in their life.

'elder orphan' is a term which originated in articles, coined by authors who have written about the phenomena of being an elder orphan.

Links to these articles can be posted.

just wanted to mention this as some seem to connect the term mostly to the Facebook group, but 'elder orphan' is much wider in usage, concept, and articles than just the Facebook group.

Last edited by matisse12; 04-01-2018 at 04:16 PM..
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Old 04-02-2018, 11:51 AM
 
845 posts, read 752,477 times
Reputation: 1383
I know the group everyone is talking about.


I see some ppl don't like the idea that some of the ppl still have kids, siblings, spouse, etc. that joined the group.


The point what, I believe, everyone is missing is that, even if you have some family now, that doesn't mean those ppl will be around forever. Some ppl may have lots of estranged family that wants nothing to do with that person. Even if you have a spouse, that spouse may die years ahead of you.


There may be ppl out there that need, and want the info and shared ideas, NOW for what to do WHEN you become an "orphan". These ppl may have a spouse, may be in their 60s or 70s and want to set things up before hand (especially if that spouse becomes incapacitated or has never did anything), and not need to do it when they are in their late 80s or 90s, and may have a little dementia and can no longer care for themselves.


I know ppl who have never written out a check to pay a bill, or even how much their property taxes are, etc. Their spouse does it all. What happens when that spouse dies first and the surviving spouse may (or may not) have dementia? Wouldn't it be better to have things set up first, and have a guardian, etc? Maybe ppl don't know what to do or need that support now with ppl in that situation.


So don't condemn ppl who have kids or other family. Not everyone's family will be there to help.
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Old 04-02-2018, 11:56 AM
 
7,839 posts, read 4,422,326 times
Reputation: 11682
"I see some ppl don't like the idea that some of the ppl still have kids, siblings, spouse, etc. that joined the group. The point what, I believe, everyone is missing is that, even if you have some family now, that doesn't mean those ppl will be around forever."


Actually, no one has that guarantee. Ever. So should EVERYONE be in that group, just in case they might one day find themselves without support? It's pretty simple: you're either alone in the world or you're not. Why those who aren't always have to horn in is beyond me! Honestly I think it's just to gloat in some cases.
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Old 04-03-2018, 06:28 PM
 
79 posts, read 47,701 times
Reputation: 358
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think the term 'orphan' should be reserved for children who, through no fault of their own, have no one to take care of them. I don't view adults as orphans, especially when they've had an entire lifetime to develop a support system and/or save money for retirement. I just think the term orphan does not apply to these people.
Somehow I don't think it always works out so perfect for everyone. "Support systems" move, die, break up etc., and several factors can hinder saving for retirement such as sickness, divorce, job downsizing. We can't always control the crap we're dealt.
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Old 04-03-2018, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,746 posts, read 4,229,892 times
Reputation: 6867
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
"I see some ppl don't like the idea that some of the ppl still have kids, siblings, spouse, etc. that joined the group. The point what, I believe, everyone is missing is that, even if you have some family now, that doesn't mean those ppl will be around forever."


Actually, no one has that guarantee. Ever. So should EVERYONE be in that group, just in case they might one day find themselves without support? It's pretty simple: you're either alone in the world or you're not. Why those who aren't always have to horn in is beyond me! Honestly I think it's just to gloat in some cases.
Seriously. What is this about women? They compete in childbirth, child rearing, and care giving. Now this?
SMH
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Old 04-04-2018, 12:45 AM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,262 posts, read 2,102,219 times
Reputation: 4867
The bottom line is, some may have more support than others. Even if there exist a couple of relatives, it is a very insecure place to be, especially when there are no arrangements or plans made in regards to future events.

I have a close male friend, having remained friends with since we once lived together when young. He will ultimately be moving miles away to be with some family members. He has always been there and I am dreading his departure, this just adding to my sense of insecurity, having only two available relatives, knowing that could change at any time. I think those having done well financially may not be worried from one standpoint, yet may still not have emotional support.

As I believe I've read here in the past, though some have had long-term marriages and children, there may still exist a lack of security. It should not be judged how much or how little one appears to have over another - one is either experiencing insecurity in their situation or is not.
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