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Old 04-06-2018, 05:44 PM
 
79 posts, read 47,625 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Again, should then EVERYONE be included in the "Elder Orphans" group because EVERYONE "might" lose their present support group one day? Kind of ridiculous! Form your own group called "Elders Who Have Support Now But Might Not Forever Because That's Life."
Jeez, sensitive much? Yeah, you're right-"Kind of ridiculous". This was not a comment about the Elder Orphans group or who should or should not be in it. I was simply responding to a person's comment that all older people have had a lifetime to save for retirement and cultivate support groups. Yeah, in a perfect world, but sometimes things happen to throw a wrench in your plans no matter how well you plan.
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Old 04-07-2018, 12:22 AM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,583,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
Nightbird, that was beautiful, but at my age, friends die. I had wonderful friends through out my life who are gone now. At some point, I no longer developed those kind of intimate friendships.


Also, I am the youngest in a small family. I have not had a relationship with my two older brothers, or even lived on the same side of the country as them, since we have been adults. I do not know their families.


I don't identify with the word "orphan" but I do understand being alone, even if it was/is largely a choice. My life is good but I don't fit in the box that requires me to have someone to take responsibility for me in order to get things done.


So these types of threads and forums interest me.
I'm an only child. My cousins are one year younger, my female cousin, and her brothers, one a year older and the other two. We virtually grew up together, our families still very close. Until we moved when I finished jr. high, we saw each other at least once a week, often spending part of the weekend together. They were more like brothers and sister than cousins.

They all ended up moving to Napa, up where the fires wiped out most of the town. I found their addresses and I am trying to figure out how to try to contact them. And I'm amazed that my Uncle is alive. I feel this need to reconnect with any family I have, even if its cousins.

I have some good friends too, but have also lost track of them. That's the big empty in me right now. I know it won't be the same. I just want to know and hold or at least talk to some real family.

My friend we'll call G is also part of my family. He and I were engaged. We didn't marry but lived together for almost three years. We decided that we were fighting too much, and yet we still cared for each other. We just couldn't LIVE that close. He's the first call if I really have to talk about something. He calls me if he needs. I think we *find* the people we need to navigate the maze and they become the family we need right then.

My dad was the youngest of his six brothers, and was the first to go into the Navy, back when he was still a teen. His Dad saw the kids as farm labor, and he didn't want to be a farmer. His mom understood but his father, more a classic 19th century father, would not sign permission for him joining the navy. His mom did, and understood him. He saw the family now and then, but it wasn't that close. Since most of the traditional family is either missing or lost, I kind of feel like an orphan.

I envy people who have siblings, even if in reality they aren't always the 'great' brother or sister people we like to wish for. Mostly I find that friends who checked of all the boxes are in that place. And since Dad went and Mom already had gone, and Grandparents and some of the aunts and uncles too, I am in search of family, even the kind with no 'official' connection.

I've also always known that I'm a loner. Mom could tell. Dad understood. I was picky about friends, but if they were they were deep friends. I had this idea I was going to try Facebook and look for some of them. But I have funamental rules online. I don't list my official life history with the documentation, especially I don't use my NAME online. So I didn't. I don't participate in stuff which starts filling your chosen pages with unwanted links from personal information. With the recent revalations, its too bad but no way. And no 'facebook'.

I have a feeling as you get older, friends scatter and family too, and the 'temperary' nature of daily contacts makes them shrink, that sometimes we might start to wonder what if back when x happened, what if we'd made a different decision? And those social places we knew, where we've moved from not to get away but because of life, if we could just maybe RECONNECT????? Or would it be different and not the memory we cherish?

I don't have major health issues, or even take any medications other than nutrient supliments and normal stuff. I feel much more 'free' than I did ten years ago, but more lonely. But I don't feel 'old'. What I want is to find a way to not lose the good things about now and find and reconnect to the people/places/interests which were and are and always will be that 'home' I want back.
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Old 04-07-2018, 09:04 AM
 
7,827 posts, read 4,415,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mycatz View Post
Jeez, sensitive much? Yeah, you're right-"Kind of ridiculous". This was not a comment about the Elder Orphans group or who should or should not be in it. I was simply responding to a person's comment that all older people have had a lifetime to save for retirement and cultivate support groups. Yeah, in a perfect world, but sometimes things happen to throw a wrench in your plans no matter how well you plan.
It's a valid question. Since everyone MAY eventually find him- or herself alone as an elder, is EVERYONE an "Elder Orphan" for the purposes of this discussion?
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Old 04-07-2018, 12:09 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,465,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post

Again, should then EVERYONE be included in the "Elder Orphans" group because EVERYONE "might" lose their present support group one day? Kind of ridiculous!
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post

Since everyone MAY eventually find him- or herself alone as an elder, is EVERYONE an "Elder Orphan" for the purposes of this discussion?
No, it isn't factual or accurate that everyone may become an elder orphan.

The majority of people have children.

(yes, a few are estranged from children or a few have their child or children not active in their life)

And probably the majority have a relative or relatives in their life.

(some do not have a relative who they are on speaking terms with or who is a presence in their life or lives close by)

Those who are married or partnered may pass away before their spouse.

Last edited by matisse12; 04-07-2018 at 01:22 PM..
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Old 04-07-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,545 posts, read 2,389,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimAZ View Post
You presume their children can offer them some form of assistance? In know two families where the parents are still financially supporting grown "children" living apart in other states.
Right my half sister and brother living 1500 miles from me I have not seen in 30 years or so and only a few times under 5 in my whole life could not do one thing for me if needed. They cannot even help themselves. I feel this makes me a total Elder Orphan. I often go 8 to 10 days without speaking to a human. Some of it my fault some not.

To me the whole thing here is if you believe you are an elder orphan then you are. Only you know how alone you feel. It is not really up to others to judge your feelings. SMH too over how so many feel the need to keep debating this. Partly why I left the group . The constant bickering is very childish and annoying.
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Old 04-07-2018, 09:11 PM
 
Location: A State of Mind
5,256 posts, read 2,098,117 times
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I feel that it may be inevitable, as from examples here, if not now, many will become orphans at any point. As I say, if I were to lose my sister and her (adult) daughter, besides having my close friend leavlng the area, I will be in that position. Some never had a spouse or a large family and unfamiliar, distant relatives don't count. As some mentioned, though having had friends earlier in life and social opportunities, people move away or some we just lose touch with for different reasons. I will bet that many in that "Orphan group" are from these situations, despite some thinking it is just for those never having had another soul in their lives.

I live in an apartment building with those of various ages and am friendly, but it's not like there are those to become close with, as I experienced when young, while in apartment buildings and in the workplace. I have thought that maybe locating a support group with others my age could be helpful, yet sometimes don't feel up to making much of an effort, either. I'm not saying I wouldn't like to meet people who I could relate to and would like to establish a mutual friendship with locally, but am not much into joining and running and going (as my sister does). I would want to be supportive and be there for another, as I would hope one may be for me, but am able to spend time alone, too. (I guess I am feeling that I wish something was already established, as it is with the one who will be leaving the area).

As I say this, it is just kind of a sad place to be, though I am just feeling tired and less energetic at the moment, so maybe not the best time to be reflecting upon such things.
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Old 04-07-2018, 09:28 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,709,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
No, it isn't factual or accurate that everyone may become an elder orphan.

The majority of people have children.

(yes, a few are estranged from children or a few have their child or children not active in their life)

And probably the majority have a relative or relatives in their life.

(some do not have a relative who they are on speaking terms with or who is a presence in their life or lives close by)

Those who are married or partnered may pass away before their spouse.
That’s a pretty good definition. I can understand people posting saying they have concerns in anticipation of being elder orphans but when someone says something along the lines of, “My husband and I are elder orphans,” then no. As long as someone has a spouse with whom they are living in a good relationship they are not elder orphans.
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Old 04-07-2018, 11:22 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,465,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post

I can understand people posting saying they have concerns in anticipation of being elder orphans but when someone says something along the lines of, “My husband and I are elder orphans,” then no. As long as someone has a spouse with whom they are living in a good relationship they are not elder orphans.
agree!

This is my definition from my post #405 in this thread:

'elder orphan' usually applies to older people who are without a spouse, without children (or sometimes estranged from their children), and without relatives who are living or have relatives who are not active in their life.

(I would also add that an elder orphan may have a child or children who are not active in his or her life, along with those who have fully estranged children)
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Old 04-08-2018, 07:20 AM
 
7,827 posts, read 4,415,348 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
No, it isn't factual or accurate that everyone may become an elder orphan.

The majority of people have children.

(yes, a few are estranged from children or a few have their child or children not active in their life)

And probably the majority have a relative or relatives in their life.

(some do not have a relative who they are on speaking terms with or who is a presence in their life or lives close by)

Those who are married or partnered may pass away before their spouse.
I'm saying...


Those who maintain that an "elder orphan" is anyone without the tangible support of family, even if family is present, would consider ANYONE an "elder orphan" if that family isn't helpful, and anyone's family may at some point turn out NOT to be helpful. Ergo, everyone should be considered a potential "elder orphan."


As always, it's helpful to define terms here.
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Old 05-07-2018, 02:06 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,465,866 times
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I see that the 'Elder Orphans' facebook group has changed its name to 'Aging Alone'.

Retiring article - 'Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years'
New York Times March 23, 2018

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/23/b...g-promo-region
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